Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet acceptance speech

Last week, yours truly-- the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet-- had the privilege of attending the awards ceremony for the 2013 New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. I was at the gala banquet because my dating advice book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, was a finalist for Best Book in the Self-Help Book category.


I was completely honored to be nominated. More than 1,200 books had been submitted for this year's awards. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, which is a humorous memoir and a dating advice book, caught the eye of the judges and was declared a finalist.
 

My book was nominated for a major award, and I was excited! Could a Pulitzer Prize be far behind?

Because I have never won a major writing award--and because I was quite convinced that I was going to win, I wrote an acceptance speech. I knew that I wanted to say a few key things to the assembled crowd about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, because not everyone would be familiar with my dating advice/self-help book. My speech would be a great opportunity to say Thank You!, but it would also be an opportunity to tell others about my book.

So here's the speech I wrote:

"Thank you so much for this honor!

 

"Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet started out as therapy for me. I was newly divorced after a long marriage, and I did not want to be single for the rest of my life. But I was clueless about dating in the 21^st Century. So I started keeping a journal, and I wrote down the good, the bad and the funny things that I experienced as a middle-aged single man.

 

"Whenever I discovered something I thought was either valuable or profound, I wrote this little bit of wisdom down as a Babe Magnet Rule. The first one came to me right after I had written down a list of the attributes I wanted in the Last Love of My Life. I read the list and realized that I had just described a Total Babe—someone who was completely out of my league.

 

"So I wrote down the first Babe Magnet Rule: To be a Babe Magnet, you must believe you are a Babe Magnet.

 

"I ended up with 92 Babe Magnet Rules, and they became the organizing framework for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. These Babe Magnet Rules helped my book successfully become a hybrid of a humorous memoir and a self-help book.

 

"I would like to thank the judges for getting past the very tongue-in-cheek title of my book, and for finding a way to honor a book that doesn’t fit neatly into a traditional genre. But most of all, I would like to thank my lovely wife, Krista, for giving me the happy ending that my book needed—and for proving that it’s never too late to find your soul mate.

 

"Thank you very much!"

 

I would soon be putting WINNER stickers on the cover of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet book covers instead of FINALIST stickers!

 

 

 

That's a pretty good speech, if I do have to say so myself.

 

There was only one problem with my speech. I never got a chance to deliver it. They announced the nominees in the Best Self-Help book category, but when the emcee announced the winning book, he didn't say Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. He said the title of some other book.

 

I was stunned. Obviously, a horrible mistake had been made. I was supposed to be strolling up to the podium to make my acceptance speech. BUT MY BOOK HADN'T WON. I felt just like all of the non-winning actors on Oscars night. (Except I didn't have a TV camera on me while I tried to look happy for the winner.)

 

You know how everyone always says it's an honor just to be nominated? Well, it is. But the people who say it's an honor just to be nominated DID NOT WIN. The winners always say how great it is to win. Because winning is a lot more fun.

 

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm over it. It was an honor just to get nominated. But if you'd like to help soften the blow for me, you can give copies of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet to everyone you know this holiday season.

 

During my last radio show interview, I told the host that anyone who has ever been single would enjoy the book. And women like the book as much as men. So there you have it, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the perfect holiday gift.

 

You heard it here first.

 

Has Online Dating Gone Too Far?

Have you noticed how comfortable people are with the online world? Communicating with friends via text and Facebook, and with potential dates via online dating sites (such as Match.com, Cupid.com, eHarmony.com, etc.) now feels completely natural.

But maybe the whole online communication thing has gone too far. A recent study by the Performics marketing firm found that 40% of Americans said they felt more comfortable communicating with people online (or via a device) than in person. Almost half—49%--would rather text than call, and 30% would rather connect with their closest friends by using Facebook and other social media sites than by calling or talking in person.

Online Dating Advice

WTF?—as I might respond in a text. We’ve become a nation of people who are more comfortable gazing at a tiny video screen and punching in a message with our thumbs than engrossed in a friendly, face-to-face conversation.

Another survey by Forrester says that 38% of online adults in the USA can be defined as “always accessible.” You can always reach them online or via their mobile phone! In addition, a large percentage of those who are not always accessible are so connected that they access the internet multiple times per day from multiple locations.

What’s going on here? Have we forgotten how to talk to each other? The short answer is: Yes. So if I were to summarize all of this in a piece of online dating advice, I would say this: give all of those electronic devices a rest.

Be Smarter than Your Phone

Now let me say that I am not anti-technology. I love my smart phone. I’m not sure how I could live without it. I love to use it to check sports scores and emails. And I  love using it as a phone—you know, to actually talk to someone. Sending emails and text messages and Facebook posts is a fine way to send little bits of information and send cute pictures of cats. But when you really want to communicate, you need to talk to the other person.

Am I sounding old-fashioned here? Maybe. Probably. But I’m right about this, dammit. Anyone who has read my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, is not going to be surprised to hear me say this. I’ve even got a Babe Magnet Rule about this. (You can look it up.)

Four Things You Should Never Do by Text

I feel strongly about this, so I’ve put together a short list of expert dating advice about using texts, emails and other electronic media. Here are four things you, as a single person in the dating world, should never do via text:

1. Ask someone out on a date. Men, don’t be a weenie. Call the woman up and talk with her and make her feel desirable. She will love you for it.

2. Cancel a date. Any kind of date—one that resulted from an online dating site or one that was the result of meeting someone in person. This is good advice for both men and women. If you need to cancel, make a phone call. Using a text message to cancel is the easy way out. Talking directly with the person shows the strength of your character.

3. Saying anything important. Can you imagine a world in which a man tells a woman “I Love You” for the first time via text? God, I hope not.

4. Breaking up. I have been on the receiving end of breakup emails. I know people who have sent and received breakup text messages. I think this is a chickensh*t thing to do. Sure, it’s easier. But man-up and give the woman a call. Show a little courage and integrity.

I am sure there are hundreds of other instances when talking to someone is better than sending a short, cold, impersonal text message. Please comment on this post with one kind of communication you think should NEVER be done via a text message.

Remember why they call that device in your pocket or purse a cell phone. It was designed to be used for talking to other people. Give the text function a rest and make a phone call. Better still, use the phone call to set up a face-to-face meeting. 

That’s what a date is, people. Face-to-face and in person. That’s when the chemistry happens. Chemistry NEVER EVER happens during a text message. Think about that the next time you’re about to send a text.

Author Chad Stone Talks About and Signs His New Dating Memoir

Book Talk and Signing

I am happy to be talking about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet and signing books tomorrow in Albuquerque. I have been invited to appear at one of the best independent bookstores in the West, Page One Bookstore, to give a talk and sign copies of my book.

I will start by reading a few passages from the book, which is a good way to introduce the story and my unique perspective on dating and finding love. Then I will open it up to questions so people can learn more about my experiences and whether the book has a happy ending.

Dating After Divorce

One of the questions I'm sure that will be asked is, "Why did you write a book about daving after divorce?" One of the reasons I wrote Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet was because there weren't any books written from the male perspective that dealt with both the highs and lows of the single life. No one had told the story about what it's like to be a single man in the 21st century who is looking for the last love of his life.

I wanted to write a book that talked honestly about these things:

-- What do men want?
-- What do women want?
-- Do men and women want basically the same things?
-- What is it like in the "Dating Over 50" world?
-- Can you find true love at any ages?
-- Sex and the single adult
-- Tips for online dating
-- What skills are necessary to win and woo a woman
-- What are men thinking-- really?

To help promote my book signing event, I appeared on the Good Day New Mexico TV show on Friday. You can watch the clip here: Chad Stone on TV

So if you can make it to Page One Bookstore on Sunday, Oct. 28 at 2:30 pm, please come by!

Author Chad Stone talks about his book about dating, "Confessions of a Middle Aged Babe Magnet"

Chad Stone
Book signing and discussion
"Confessions of a Middle Aged Babe Magnet"
October 28 at 2:30 p.m.

Page One Bookstore
11018 Montgomery Blvd NE
Albuquerque, NM

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

After you've written a book, people start asking you questions about the topic of your book. That's because writing a book automatically makes you an expert. So, since the recent publication of my dating memoir/self-help book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I've begun receiving emails that ask me questions about dating and relationships. Plus, some men and women want to share their dating stories with me.

And I think that's pretty cool.



From time to time I'm going to share some of those questions in this blog, and I'll also share my answers. So here goes:

Dear Chad:

My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious (spending 3 or 4 nights together every week), and he's been talking a lot about moving in together. We're not engaged, and I'm worried if I move in with him he'll never feel the need to get married. What should I do? I don't want our relationship to stall out but I'm worried that he won't want to "buy the cow if he can get the milk for free."

Thanks for any insight.

Stephanie
Dear Stephanie:

I hate to break it to you, but unless you and your boyfriend are sleeping in separate bedrooms when he stays over, he's already getting the milk for free. But the decision to move in together is a big one, and It sounds like what you ultimately want is marriage. Right? So talk to him. Communication is important in every stage of a relationship, especially when BIG decisions need to be made.

Have you ever talked about the M word with him? If not, you better talk soon. Don't scare him away with an ultimatum or deadline, but make sure he knows how you feel about marriage. AND MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT. If he's one of those hard-to-pin-down, doesn't-want-to-make-a-commitment males, then you are probably not going to change him. No matter how wonderful you are.

Signed,
Chad Stone
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, available on http://www.amazon.com/.

Talking about dating with the Broadminded Women

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Molly and Christine on the Broadminded show on Sirus XM radio. Both ladies were smart, funny and excellent interviewers. We talked about my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, and we had a great time.

It was fun to share my dating experiences with Molly and Christine, who are both currently single. They wanted to know what women are doing wrong in the dating world, and that naturally began a discussion of online dating.

I told the ladies that most women don't realized that their online dating profiles aren't about sharing, they're about selling. That's right, online dating profiles are sales brochures. And the product you're selling is yourself. (This goes for men, too.)

Instead of sharing all about your darkest inner secrets, you online profile should present your very best attributes. Start with a nice photo of yourself. Get someone who knows how to take a good photo to take some head shots of you. (And no, Molly and Christine, I am not talking about a "boudior" photo like the ones you get at the mall photo studios.) Smile, for God's sake. Look happy and friendly.

Then, when you are describing yourself, don't go off on a rant about how you know what you want and know what you're willing to put up with in a man, "so don't ask me to compromise because I won't." Does that sound like the kind of woman that a man is going to approach? No way.

Write a profile that makes you sound fun. Write a profile that makes you sound like a man can woo you and make you happy. One of the things that women simply don't understand about men is that men love to please their women. So if you sound like a woman who is cranky and impossible to please, then you might as well be spreading Man Repellent around. The men will stay away in droves.

As I told Molly and Christine on their show, I firmly believe that all of us-- no matter how old we are or what our relationship experience is-- can find love. But in order for that to happen, we've got to BELIEVE it can happen, and then we have to do everything possible to MAKE it happen.

For lots more on this topic and advice about dating, go to amazon.com and by my book. Then write to me and tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if my advice and my experience is helpful for you.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

:-)

Is He Ready for a Relationship?

One of the things about dating that we have very little control over is timing. When you meet someone who seems like the perfect romantic partner for you, are you at a point in your life when you ready for him? When he meets you, is he ready to begin a new relationship?

Determining whether you are both ready to begin a relationship is one of the most important things to discover during the first few dates.

When Ralph met Candace, he was quite sure that HE was ready. He had been divorced for three years, and he had done quite a bit of dating. He had sowed a few wild oats, and he was ready to settle down.

Ralph was instantly attracted to Candace and she seemed to share his feelings. He saw in Candace everything he wanted in a mate—kindness, a successful career, physical beauty and common interests. But she spent most of their first date telling him the details of her divorce.

Candace and her ex-husband had been devastated by the death of their only child, and their marriage was on the rocks. At her suggestion, they started going to meetings at a local spiritual center. As it turned out, she didn’t care for it, but he embraced it. He started attending the meetings regularly, and then he started meditating. He stopped drinking. “We were getting along better than we had in years,” she said.

Then he took her completely by surprise when he announced that he wanted a divorce. “I laughed out loud because I thought he was kidding,” she said. But he was serious.

Before the end of their first date together, Ralph had the “aha” moment: Candace wasn’t ready for a relationship with him. She wasn’t ready for a relationship with ANYONE. She was still heartbroken, and she needed more time to heal.

Chances are that you’ve also had an “aha” moment during a date when you knew that the person on the other side of the table wasn’t going to be the one you’ve been looking for. The sooner you can find that out, the better. Ralph counts himself lucky for finding it out on date one with Candace.

When a man isn’t ready to commit to a relationship, he will be hard to pin down. When you ask him direct questions about things like his schedule or his goals for the future, he will respond with vague answers or deftly change the subject.

One of the big mistakes that women make is trying to coax men into discussions about relationships and commitment. These are important topics, and women want to talk about them. Men, however, would rather volunteer for a root canal.

Here’s the key, ladies: Men only commit when they think it’s THEIR IDEA. Yes, you can express how important a committed relationship is to you, and how you like to shower your man with love and adoration when you feel the safety and security that a long-term relationship offers. But if you push too hard and too soon for a commitment, he will run away like a man fleeing from a burning dynamite factory.

So maybe the question isn’t, “Is he ready for a relationship?” Maybe the real question is, “Can you wait until he is ready for a relationship?” If you can’t, then you might be happier if you moved on.

If you're ready to read something about the lighter side of dating, have a look at my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone. It's available from amazon.com.

How to Succeed at Dating

One of the things I observed as a single man was how many of my friends and acquaintances approached dating in a haphazard manner. That’s not the way to succeed at dating (or anything).

As Steve Jobs used to say, "Think Different."

When you start a job search, you get yourself organized and assess your strengths. You revise your resume. You start networking amongst friends and associates. You read job postings and start applying for jobs. You go on interviews and try to say the right things and impress the right people.


Why not put some of that same energy and focus into finding a date—or a mate? Isn’t your love life worth a little of your time, attention and effort? Why act as though finding a romantic partner has to be left completely up to fate?

Here are some tips for ensuring that you succeed at dating:

First, get yourself into the dating mindset. Make sure you really want to date. Don’t merely go through the motions, pretending that you want to meet someone special if you really don’t. Consciously decide that you are ready, willing, and able to participate in the exciting world of dating. (I am not being sarcastic here. Dating really can be a marvelous adventure.)

Second, clear your head and clearly state your intentions. If you are looking for an active social life, but you’re not ready for a serious commitment, be honest with yourself—and with your dates. If you’re ready to find the last love of your life, be clear about that, too.

You’ve set goals before, right? You’ve made New Year’s resolutions. Setting your dating intention is the same thing. Know what you want so you’ll recognize it when it manifests in your life.

Third, get your act together and get your mojo working. Start taking better care of yourself. Get back into exercising. Eat healthier food. Turn off the TV and read books that make you feel confident and happy. Get a new hair style. Invest in yourself by getting some new clothes. (If you don’t want to spend a lot of money, shop at the second-hand stores.) Be the best “you” possible. Don’t try to be someone that isn’t you, but do amplify and accentuate your positives.

Fourth, turn your dating radar on. There are lots of places where you could meet the love of your life—including in the line at Starbucks, at the Apple store or hanging out in the park. Be open to meeting the love of your life ANYWHERE. And by all means, get out or your house or apartment more often.

I’ll bet you $10 right now that your next love isn’t going to knock on your front door uninvited.

CHAD STONE is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, available from amazon.com.
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New Book: Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

I am delighted to announce that my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, is now available from Amazon.com!

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the almost completely true story of one man's brave adventure into dating again in the 21st Century. The hero (me!) jumps headfirst into the dating pool with the goal of becoming a self-professed Babe Magnet. The story unfolds as a humorous memoir that’s also an insightful dating and relationship guide for men of all ages. For women, the book offers a unique, unvarnished look into the mind of a real man—revealing how a single man thinks and why he behaves as he does.


Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is a journey of modern self-discovery that is laugh-out-loud funny in some places and poignantly tender in others. Fascinating, funny and heartfelt, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is proof that love is possible at any age— as long as you’re willing to embrace it.

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is available from the Kindle Store on amazon.com for the low introductory price of $4.95. Just click here to buy it.