Saturday, February 23, 2013

Dating After Divorce: Dating Dealbreakers

One of the best things about Twitter is hashtags. Just using a hashtag (#) followed by a short phrase makes it possible to follow a specific topic as it trends across the Twitterverse.

Last week, the hashtag #MajorTurnOffs was abuzz with dealbreakers about dating. These pithy little comments sum up the complaints against people who are bad dates—and who probably aren’t worthy of seeing again. Anyone who has been dating after divorce is going to recognize a lot of these. (Thanks to for compiling this list.) And thanks to Twitter, too.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 1-5

• a man who isn't gainfully employed

• People who are rude to servers or other customer service people.

• When you can’t tell me how large the national debt is, but you know every detail about Kim and Yeezy’s life.

• married men who flirt with you behind their wives back/in front of their wives faces.

• when females act like they don’t trust men at all.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 6-10

• mentioning an ex like they're still obsessed with them. (Is this a dating after divorce red flag, or what?)

• past drama-- I need to know that your past is your past, your ex is your ex, and that I’m not a backup

• When someone says, “I liked that band way before they were famous.”

• Not being ok with divorce. It’s kind of my thing. (Yeah, if you’re dating after divorce, that could be a real sore spot.)

• Someone that’s just always negative & never has anything good to say about anything or anyone.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 11-15

• people who try to rush relationships. Breathe and settle down. We aren’t getting married tomorrow.

• someone who’s ignorant

• Flirting with other people while on a date.

• making promises they already know they are not going to keep

• I’d say indecisiveness. Or maybe not. Tough one. (Ha! When you’re dating after divorce, you need to have a sense of humor!)

Dating Dealbreakers Number 16-20

• when you’ve got nothing good to say about your exes. What are you going to be saying about me if it doesn't work out?

• If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation with me.

• Guys who get drunk on the 1st date, esp if I’m not even drinking.

• Beautiful people with ugly personalities

And one of mine own: someone who doesn’t even show up for the first date—and doesn’t even call or text. Just a no show. That’s a case of “one strike and you’re out.”

So what do you think? Is this a good list? Leave a comment and let us know what your dating dealbreaker is. And thanks for reading.

This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Dating Over 50 and Babe Magnet Rule #17

You know that old saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks? That may be true for old dogs, but not for single men. When I was single and dating over 50, I definitely learned a few new things about women.

One of the things I learned was Babe Magnet Rule #17, which appears in my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. It goes like this:


A Babe Magnet knows when to hold ‘em, knows when to fold ‘em, knows when to walk away, and knows when to run like hell.

Whoa. This guy might be a candidate for a "run like hell" date.

Some dates are made in heaven. Everything clicks. The conversation flows. You lock eyes with your date, and you listen to every word. You’re both witty and fun and fun to be with. Even if it’s your first date, it seems like you’ve known each other for years.

Some dates go pretty well, and the two of you have some common interests and experiences. It’s still too early to know if this is a match made in nirvana, but you and your date are hopeful. The connection you are making seems promising.

On the other hand, there are also some dates that are disasters right from the start. When you ask, “What’s your favorite book of all time?” she replies, “I don’t like to read.” When you inquire about what she loves to do for fun, she says, “I work all the time. I don’t have time to do anything fun.”

Dating Over 50

When you are dating over 50 and you're on a date like this, you are tempted to ask her if this date is work, but you bite your tongue. It sure feels like work to you. Right at the moment, you aren’t having any fun at all.

My advice for singles, no matter how old they are, is this: If a first date crashes and burns, let it go. Cut your losses and move on. If a second or third date reveals that what you thought was the Babe of your dreams actually harbors one of the character flaws on your “deal breakers” list, move on.

When I was newly single and dating over 50 after my divorce, I was lonely and looking for companionship. I was too patient with women who just weren’t right for me. I thought that any date was better than no date.

As I grew in wisdom and confidence, I realized that some dates were a complete waste of my time. After all, I was looking for the last love of my life. So what was I doing going out with a woman who I already knew wasn’t The One for me?

Like Kenny Rogers said in his classic song, The Gambler, “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

And when a date turns into a disaster, run like hell. That's true when you are dating at 20, dating over 50, or dating at 100.

Visit for more great tips about dating and relationships from Chad Stone.