|There are at least 5 ways that men kill relationships. Who am I kidding? There are probably 500. No wonder this woman looks so cranky.|
Men aren’t always good at relationships. Sometimes men do stupid things to kill relationships. It says so right here in the “Duh” file. Sometimes men can be focused things like work and forget they have to invest some time and emotional energy in their love relationships. Sometimes men expect women to be just as simple as men are—which can really kill a relationship.
There are lots of relationship-killing behaviors that men cluelessly use to chase their women away. These relationship killers, when used excessively, can be described as relationship-killing personality types.
So here are five ways that men act that kill relationships.When they act like the characters that I describe below, women hit the road.
The first way that men kill relationships is by behaving like a needy, wimpy man. This is not attractive to a woman. In fact, it’s a complete turn-off. Most women are attracted to the masculine traits of strength, decisiveness, leadership and vision. When a woman lists what she’s looking for in a man, she never says, “I want a man with no self confidence and no friends, who needs my undivided attention constantly.” One of the reasons a man can turn into Mr. Needy is he falls for the woman before she falls for him. When that happens, he needs to make sure he doesn’t get whiny and wimpy.
The Baggage Man
We all arrive in a new relationship with some baggage. Some of us arrive on a first or second date with enough baggage for an around the world cruise. Some of us arrive with just a small overnight bag, and we tuck it under the table and never mention it. Mr. Baggage Man doesn’t just have a lot of baggage—he’s attached to it. It defines who he is. He might have a bag packed with all of his broken-heart wounds. Another is filled with how “bad and wrong” women are. And he always seems to be comparing his new girlfriend to his last lover.
It’s human nature to do a little comparing. As you get to know a new lover, you can’t help but compare her to your last girlfriend. But gentlemen, keep it to yourself. Most women do not want to hear about how they measure up to the last wife or girlfriend. When Mr. Baggage Man says, “My ex-wife always loved my jokes” or “My old girlfriend liked it when I sat around watching football on TV,” he doesn’t realize that he’s about to have another ex-girlfriend.
Calling a man a “tool” is not a compliment. We’re not talking about a guy who can fix anything around the house. Mr. Tool thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He is hot and he knows it. Of course, he’s never as hot as he thinks he is, but you can’t convince him of that. Mr. Tool is so full of himself that he thinks every woman should be flattered just to be in his presence. Because of his inflated opinion of himself, he usually treats women like crap. Sure, some women will put up with this kind of behavior for a while—as long as Mr. Tool looks like Brad Pitt and can show her a good time. But there’s a reason that Mr. Tool has a long string of relationships that don’t last very long. When you’re a jerk, no one wants to be around you.
A woman wants a man who acts like a man. Men are supposed to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. It’s a real turn-off for a woman when she sees a man who still clings to his mother’s apron strings. It’s one thing for a man to treat his mother with respect and talk to her regularly about what’s going on in his life. But when he starts cancelling dates or previous commitments with his girlfriend so he can run over to his mother’s house to change a light bulb, that’s Mama’s Boy territory. Unfortunately, ladies, Mama can really turn on the guilt machine to get her Mama’s Boy to do what she wants. It’s really hard to compete with that. If he’s too much of a Mama’s Boy, then you might want to find a real man.
There’s a wonderful magic in a relationship when a man is actively trying to win the heart of a woman. He wants to please her and he wants to impress her. And for centuries, one of the most successful ways to do this is for the man to treat her like a princess by taking her to fine restaurants, taking her to concerts, buying her flowers and finding pleasant ways to spend his hard-earned money on her. The early phase of a relationship can be an expensive proposition for a man, but if he wants to win the heart of a woman, being generous and gracious is a proven path to success.
But here in the era of gender equality and women who earn good incomes, sometimes a man can start to think that he shouldn’t pay for everything. Taken to the extreme, a guy like this starts to look like Mr. Cheapskate. If a man asks a woman out on a date—especially a first, second or third date—he should pay for it. When a woman graciously offers to pay for dessert, don’t become Mr. Cheapskate. Instead, graciously thank her and decline. Mr. Cheapskate doesn’t want to spend his money on a woman, because that leaves him less money to spend on computer games and expensive toys. But what kind of message does that send to the woman he’s with?
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.