Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet acceptance speech

Last week, yours truly-- the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet-- had the privilege of attending the awards ceremony for the 2013 New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. I was at the gala banquet because my dating advice book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, was a finalist for Best Book in the Self-Help Book category.


I was completely honored to be nominated. More than 1,200 books had been submitted for this year's awards. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, which is a humorous memoir and a dating advice book, caught the eye of the judges and was declared a finalist.
 

My book was nominated for a major award, and I was excited! Could a Pulitzer Prize be far behind?

Because I have never won a major writing award--and because I was quite convinced that I was going to win, I wrote an acceptance speech. I knew that I wanted to say a few key things to the assembled crowd about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, because not everyone would be familiar with my dating advice/self-help book. My speech would be a great opportunity to say Thank You!, but it would also be an opportunity to tell others about my book.

So here's the speech I wrote:

"Thank you so much for this honor!

 

"Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet started out as therapy for me. I was newly divorced after a long marriage, and I did not want to be single for the rest of my life. But I was clueless about dating in the 21^st Century. So I started keeping a journal, and I wrote down the good, the bad and the funny things that I experienced as a middle-aged single man.

 

"Whenever I discovered something I thought was either valuable or profound, I wrote this little bit of wisdom down as a Babe Magnet Rule. The first one came to me right after I had written down a list of the attributes I wanted in the Last Love of My Life. I read the list and realized that I had just described a Total Babe—someone who was completely out of my league.

 

"So I wrote down the first Babe Magnet Rule: To be a Babe Magnet, you must believe you are a Babe Magnet.

 

"I ended up with 92 Babe Magnet Rules, and they became the organizing framework for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. These Babe Magnet Rules helped my book successfully become a hybrid of a humorous memoir and a self-help book.

 

"I would like to thank the judges for getting past the very tongue-in-cheek title of my book, and for finding a way to honor a book that doesn’t fit neatly into a traditional genre. But most of all, I would like to thank my lovely wife, Krista, for giving me the happy ending that my book needed—and for proving that it’s never too late to find your soul mate.

 

"Thank you very much!"

 

I would soon be putting WINNER stickers on the cover of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet book covers instead of FINALIST stickers!

 

 

 

That's a pretty good speech, if I do have to say so myself.

 

There was only one problem with my speech. I never got a chance to deliver it. They announced the nominees in the Best Self-Help book category, but when the emcee announced the winning book, he didn't say Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. He said the title of some other book.

 

I was stunned. Obviously, a horrible mistake had been made. I was supposed to be strolling up to the podium to make my acceptance speech. BUT MY BOOK HADN'T WON. I felt just like all of the non-winning actors on Oscars night. (Except I didn't have a TV camera on me while I tried to look happy for the winner.)

 

You know how everyone always says it's an honor just to be nominated? Well, it is. But the people who say it's an honor just to be nominated DID NOT WIN. The winners always say how great it is to win. Because winning is a lot more fun.

 

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm over it. It was an honor just to get nominated. But if you'd like to help soften the blow for me, you can give copies of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet to everyone you know this holiday season.

 

During my last radio show interview, I told the host that anyone who has ever been single would enjoy the book. And women like the book as much as men. So there you have it, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the perfect holiday gift.

 

You heard it here first.

 

Dating Over 50 and Babe Magnet Rule #17

You know that old saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks? That may be true for old dogs, but not for single men. When I was single and dating over 50, I definitely learned a few new things about women.

One of the things I learned was Babe Magnet Rule #17, which appears in my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. It goes like this:

BABE MAGNET RULE #17

A Babe Magnet knows when to hold ‘em, knows when to fold ‘em, knows when to walk away, and knows when to run like hell.




Whoa. This guy might be a candidate for a "run like hell" date.



Some dates are made in heaven. Everything clicks. The conversation flows. You lock eyes with your date, and you listen to every word. You’re both witty and fun and fun to be with. Even if it’s your first date, it seems like you’ve known each other for years.



Some dates go pretty well, and the two of you have some common interests and experiences. It’s still too early to know if this is a match made in nirvana, but you and your date are hopeful. The connection you are making seems promising.

On the other hand, there are also some dates that are disasters right from the start. When you ask, “What’s your favorite book of all time?” she replies, “I don’t like to read.” When you inquire about what she loves to do for fun, she says, “I work all the time. I don’t have time to do anything fun.”

Dating Over 50

When you are dating over 50 and you're on a date like this, you are tempted to ask her if this date is work, but you bite your tongue. It sure feels like work to you. Right at the moment, you aren’t having any fun at all.


My advice for singles, no matter how old they are, is this: If a first date crashes and burns, let it go. Cut your losses and move on. If a second or third date reveals that what you thought was the Babe of your dreams actually harbors one of the character flaws on your “deal breakers” list, move on.

When I was newly single and dating over 50 after my divorce, I was lonely and looking for companionship. I was too patient with women who just weren’t right for me. I thought that any date was better than no date.

As I grew in wisdom and confidence, I realized that some dates were a complete waste of my time. After all, I was looking for the last love of my life. So what was I doing going out with a woman who I already knew wasn’t The One for me?

Like Kenny Rogers said in his classic song, The Gambler, “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

And when a date turns into a disaster, run like hell. That's true when you are dating at 20, dating over 50, or dating at 100.

Visit middleagedbabemagnet.com for more great tips about dating and relationships from Chad Stone.

The Worst Pickup Lines Ever



Do pickup lines really work?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
The key is in the delivery.

 I’ve been having fun looking for the worst pickup lines ever. You know how guys are always looking for the magic words that will open a woman’s heart—or at least get her to talk to him?

Well, there are some bad lines out there. I’m talking about really bad lines.

Groaners. Lines that are downright embarrassing. Lines that no human being should utter.

Ever.

How bad? Well, check out the pickup lines below.

The Best of the Bad Pickup Lines

(In other words, these are really bad.)

Is this your first time on this planet?

I know you’re a complete stranger, but I’d gladly waste one of my Spotify invitations on you. Give me your number and I’ll throw in a Google+ invite. I’d put you in my ‘Babe’ Circle.

As of now, my mother doesn’t have a Facebook account so, if we were to take this thing to the next level, you wouldn’t have to worry about rejecting her inappropriate Family Request.

You must be low density lipoprotein cholesterol because you just stopped my heart.

Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and the friction during re-entry must have been really high.
Should I call you for breakfast or just nudge you?

'Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy.

Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Can I borrow a quarter? My mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

You're like a compass: without you, I'd be lost.

Are your pants made of Windex? Cause, baby, I can see myself in them.

I hope you know CPR, baby, cause when you walked into the room, my heart stopped beating.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Am I dead? Because I think I just met an angel.

I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.

Are you a Kleptomaniac? Because you just stole my heart.

Bad Pickup Lines That Might Actually Work

Hi. My name is Windows. Can I crash at your place?

How about we slip into something more comfortable... like some Star Trek Voyager pajamas at my apartment!

I wish I was your math homework because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.

Haven't we met in World of Warcraft?

Hi. Is your name Google? Because you have everything that I am searching for.

No matter how many times I travel back in time to this moment I always get nervous about talking to you

I'd bet you dinner that you won't go to dinner with me.

I'm an organ donor. Need anything?


-------------
Thanks to the users of Quora.com for most of these horrible pickup lines! If you’d like to read more about pickup lines—and why they sometimes work and sometime don’t—get a copy of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone. You can also visit my website at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

The Best Dating and Relationship Advice Ever

There’s a lot of wisdom on the Internet, if you know where to find it. Whenever I find a great piece of advice about finding love or how to have a great relationship, I try to pass it along.

Here’s a round-up of great dating and relationship advice that I am delighted to share with you. This might even be the best dating advice ever!

The Best Dating Advice from Mom
My mother says nothing good happens after 11 p.m. That was a good one. If he’s calling you for an 11:15 p.m. booty call, or telling you “I have dinner with my clients … won’t be back till 11:45,” — no, not happening. Also, always leave him wanting more.

  --Patti Stanger, “The Millionaire Matchmaker”

Tell People You’re Single

“A lot of times, people don’t know that you want to be set up,” said Amy Laurent, a dating expert. “If you’re really going to do this (being successful at finding love), bring it up to people and say, ‘I’m ready to put myself out there and start dating.’” Get the word out and make it official, she advises. “You never know where opportunities are going to come up.”
  --Amy Laurent, author of 8 Weeks to Everlasting: How to Get (and Keep) the Guy You Want

 

Five Things to Remember About Dating
1. It’s supposed to be fun! Just relax and enjoy! Stay present and enjoy your date’s company.
2. It’s not about your date’s inadequacies, it’s about what you have in common
3. Cut your date some slack. Nobody’s perfect, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have something to offer.
 4. Dating should be easy. It you’re with someone that it doesn’t flow with, it’s probably not the right person.
5. The more open you are, the more possibilities, choices and options await you.
  -- http://thedatingadvicegirl.com

 

Advice for Women: Compliment Him
“If a woman says that her dish is, for example, too salty, she will think nothing of talking negatively about the food, or even extend the conversation about why the kitchen staff is not more careful in their use of spices. If it were two women sharing an evening out, complaining about the food or service is perfectly fine, because talking about problems is a bonding experience on Venus.  However on Mars, men tie their egos to the choices they make. This is never truer than in the case of a restaurant that they have chosen. Now if on the other hand, a woman says, “Wow this place is a real find! I love the way they do their chicken….” In a man’s mind, he’s scored major points. It’s as if he went into the kitchen and cooked that meal himself.”

  -- John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

 

Advice for Men: Cultivate Your Confidence
“When I am asked, ‘What is the single most important tip for men when they want to meet the woman of their dreams?’ I always quote my own Babe Magnet Rule #14: Babe Magnets are confident and sure of themselves. Even if they have to fake it. That doesn’t mean a man should be conceited and all full of himself. But women are attracted to a man who has quiet confidence and is comfortable in his own skin.”

-- Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, www.middleagedbabemagnet.com

 

What Love Is
“Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.”
  -- Source Unknown
 

Take Your Breath Away

“In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.”
 -- Shing Xiong

 

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, available from www.amazon.com.

 

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