Wednesday, March 28, 2012

How to Succeed at Dating

One of the things I observed as a single man was how many of my friends and acquaintances approached dating in a haphazard manner. That’s not the way to succeed at dating (or anything).

As Steve Jobs used to say, "Think Different."

When you start a job search, you get yourself organized and assess your strengths. You revise your resume. You start networking amongst friends and associates. You read job postings and start applying for jobs. You go on interviews and try to say the right things and impress the right people.

Why not put some of that same energy and focus into finding a date—or a mate? Isn’t your love life worth a little of your time, attention and effort? Why act as though finding a romantic partner has to be left completely up to fate?

Here are some tips for ensuring that you succeed at dating:

First, get yourself into the dating mindset. Make sure you really want to date. Don’t merely go through the motions, pretending that you want to meet someone special if you really don’t. Consciously decide that you are ready, willing, and able to participate in the exciting world of dating. (I am not being sarcastic here. Dating really can be a marvelous adventure.)

Second, clear your head and clearly state your intentions. If you are looking for an active social life, but you’re not ready for a serious commitment, be honest with yourself—and with your dates. If you’re ready to find the last love of your life, be clear about that, too.

You’ve set goals before, right? You’ve made New Year’s resolutions. Setting your dating intention is the same thing. Know what you want so you’ll recognize it when it manifests in your life.

Third, get your act together and get your mojo working. Start taking better care of yourself. Get back into exercising. Eat healthier food. Turn off the TV and read books that make you feel confident and happy. Get a new hair style. Invest in yourself by getting some new clothes. (If you don’t want to spend a lot of money, shop at the second-hand stores.) Be the best “you” possible. Don’t try to be someone that isn’t you, but do amplify and accentuate your positives.

Fourth, turn your dating radar on. There are lots of places where you could meet the love of your life—including in the line at Starbucks, at the Apple store or hanging out in the park. Be open to meeting the love of your life ANYWHERE. And by all means, get out or your house or apartment more often.

I’ll bet you $10 right now that your next love isn’t going to knock on your front door uninvited.

CHAD STONE is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, available from

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