Inquiring Minds Want to Know

After you've written a book, people start asking you questions about the topic of your book. That's because writing a book automatically makes you an expert. So, since the recent publication of my dating memoir/self-help book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I've begun receiving emails that ask me questions about dating and relationships. Plus, some men and women want to share their dating stories with me.

And I think that's pretty cool.



From time to time I'm going to share some of those questions in this blog, and I'll also share my answers. So here goes:

Dear Chad:

My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious (spending 3 or 4 nights together every week), and he's been talking a lot about moving in together. We're not engaged, and I'm worried if I move in with him he'll never feel the need to get married. What should I do? I don't want our relationship to stall out but I'm worried that he won't want to "buy the cow if he can get the milk for free."

Thanks for any insight.

Stephanie
Dear Stephanie:

I hate to break it to you, but unless you and your boyfriend are sleeping in separate bedrooms when he stays over, he's already getting the milk for free. But the decision to move in together is a big one, and It sounds like what you ultimately want is marriage. Right? So talk to him. Communication is important in every stage of a relationship, especially when BIG decisions need to be made.

Have you ever talked about the M word with him? If not, you better talk soon. Don't scare him away with an ultimatum or deadline, but make sure he knows how you feel about marriage. AND MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT. If he's one of those hard-to-pin-down, doesn't-want-to-make-a-commitment males, then you are probably not going to change him. No matter how wonderful you are.

Signed,
Chad Stone
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, available on http://www.amazon.com/.

In Praise of Women

Sometimes we need to pause, reflect and appreciate. When we're dating, sometimes we get so caught up in DATING that we forget why we're looking for that special someone in our lives. When we're in a relationship, sometimes we forget to appreciate that special someone who is ALREADY in our lives.

So, on behalf of men everywhere, I would like to take a moment to appreciate what makes women so attractive, delightful and breath-taking to men.

It is quite true that men and women are very different creatures. No one has described this difference better than John Gray in his Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of insightful books. I believe that the differences between the sexes is where the chemistry of romance is brewed.

What do I love about women? Ladies, I love your passion. I love that you can get excited over impossibly tall high-heeled shoes. I love it that you find shoes "cute." I love that you're willing to wear shoes tall enough to give you a nose bleed if you think men will find you attractive in them.

I love women because they can't walk past those "Adopt a Pet" displays in the parking lot in front of Whole Foods. While a man says, "We already have a dog," a woman says, "But look at this one-- she's so CUTE!" Women are the reason that Americans have more pets than children.

I love women because they always have something to say. Men, on the other hand, never have anything to say. When two men haven't seen each other for three months, one asks, "What's new?" The other one says, "Same old, same old," forgetting all about his brother's operation and his sister's wedding. But two women who have just returned from the restroom together can talk for hours about the mutural friend that they just discovered they had. If it wasn't for women's verbal communications skills, we men wouldn't know anything about anyone.

I love the gentle, nurturing side of women. While men are all hard edges and tough exteriors, women are soft and inviting. Women invented hugging. Women invented kissing a hurt finger to make it better. Women naturally nurture themselves, every person on the planet and the planet itself. If it weren't for women, men would have blown up the Earth a long time ago.

I love women because they encourage men to be more human. There is nothing wrong with the manly pursuits of building stuff and going into corporate battle, but without women's humanizing influence, men would never do anything but work, battle and afterwards colapse into a heap on the couch.

It's women who convince us men to go on vacations and invite the neighbors over for dinner. Women help us remember to celebrate birthdays and take better care of ourselves. Women remind us to appreciate everything we have to appreciate in our lives.

And I, for one, appreciate everything that women do. Women make life fun. And for that, I thank you all.
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Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, which is available on amazon.com. The book has a happy ending, because Chad finds a woman to love and appreciate. And appreciate her, he does.

Talking about dating with the Broadminded Women

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Molly and Christine on the Broadminded show on Sirus XM radio. Both ladies were smart, funny and excellent interviewers. We talked about my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, and we had a great time.

It was fun to share my dating experiences with Molly and Christine, who are both currently single. They wanted to know what women are doing wrong in the dating world, and that naturally began a discussion of online dating.

I told the ladies that most women don't realized that their online dating profiles aren't about sharing, they're about selling. That's right, online dating profiles are sales brochures. And the product you're selling is yourself. (This goes for men, too.)

Instead of sharing all about your darkest inner secrets, you online profile should present your very best attributes. Start with a nice photo of yourself. Get someone who knows how to take a good photo to take some head shots of you. (And no, Molly and Christine, I am not talking about a "boudior" photo like the ones you get at the mall photo studios.) Smile, for God's sake. Look happy and friendly.

Then, when you are describing yourself, don't go off on a rant about how you know what you want and know what you're willing to put up with in a man, "so don't ask me to compromise because I won't." Does that sound like the kind of woman that a man is going to approach? No way.

Write a profile that makes you sound fun. Write a profile that makes you sound like a man can woo you and make you happy. One of the things that women simply don't understand about men is that men love to please their women. So if you sound like a woman who is cranky and impossible to please, then you might as well be spreading Man Repellent around. The men will stay away in droves.

As I told Molly and Christine on their show, I firmly believe that all of us-- no matter how old we are or what our relationship experience is-- can find love. But in order for that to happen, we've got to BELIEVE it can happen, and then we have to do everything possible to MAKE it happen.

For lots more on this topic and advice about dating, go to amazon.com and by my book. Then write to me and tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if my advice and my experience is helpful for you.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

:-)

You Gotta Believe It Before You See It

Some people just don't get it, bless their hearts. This is the story of someone who gets it, and someone who doesn't.

My friend, Craig, was having a drink with a mutual friend at a restaurant/bar. I'm going to call this other guy Dufus Dipstick, for reasons that will soon become obvious. Craig and Dufus are sitting in the lounge area of the bar, and Craig notices that an attractive blonde woman is looking at him. He smiles at her, and she smiles back. So he does the friendly, manly thing and walks over to say hello to her.

Her name is Susan, and she and Craig start having an animated conversation. The vibes are good. Craig includes Susan's friend in the conversation, and he finds out the friend is a teacher, just like Dufus. So Craig invites Dufus over to join the conversation.

What does Dufus do? Instead of talking with the teacher, he tries to chat up Susan. WTF? thinks Craig. Why is he talking to Susan? That's not how this whole "talking to women in a bar" thing works. Craig is supposed to talk to Susan, since there's obviously a real attraction there, and Dufus is supposed to talk to Susan's friend, since the two of them have something in common.

But no, Dufus doesn't pay hardly any attention to Susan's friend, and that ruins the whole dynamic. After Craig and Dufus leave the bar (without getting any phone numbers, because the vibe was gone by then), Craig turns to Dufus and says, "What's the matter with you? That woman was really interested in you, and you hardly talked to her."

"No she wasn't," replied Dufus.

"Of course she was," said Craig. "She wanted to talk to you about teaching, and you ignored her. You could have left with her phone number."

"She wasn't interested in me at all," said Dufus. And there was nothing Craig could say to convince him otherwise. Dufus didn't see it because he didn't believe it.

That incident is a perfect example of Babe Magnet Rule #1 from my book (Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone): To be a Babe Magnet, you must believe you are a Babe Magnet. Dufus is going to continue to travel through life single, without the companionship of a compatible woman, because he doesn't believe that women are interested in him. Craig, on the other hand, fully believes that women are attracted to him, and his experience reinforces that belief.

If only Craig could convince Dufus that there's a perfect woman waiting for him (Dufus), then Dufus would soon experience that reality. But there's no way to change someone else's mind unless they are willing to change.

Dufus, like so many of us, has it backwards. He thinks, "I'll believe it when I see it." Instead, he should work on believing it--then he'll see it. That's the way that dating--and life--works.

In future posts I'll cover more of the Babe Magnet Rules from Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet.

Thanks for reading, and tell a friend!

Is He Ready for a Relationship?

One of the things about dating that we have very little control over is timing. When you meet someone who seems like the perfect romantic partner for you, are you at a point in your life when you ready for him? When he meets you, is he ready to begin a new relationship?

Determining whether you are both ready to begin a relationship is one of the most important things to discover during the first few dates.

When Ralph met Candace, he was quite sure that HE was ready. He had been divorced for three years, and he had done quite a bit of dating. He had sowed a few wild oats, and he was ready to settle down.

Ralph was instantly attracted to Candace and she seemed to share his feelings. He saw in Candace everything he wanted in a mate—kindness, a successful career, physical beauty and common interests. But she spent most of their first date telling him the details of her divorce.

Candace and her ex-husband had been devastated by the death of their only child, and their marriage was on the rocks. At her suggestion, they started going to meetings at a local spiritual center. As it turned out, she didn’t care for it, but he embraced it. He started attending the meetings regularly, and then he started meditating. He stopped drinking. “We were getting along better than we had in years,” she said.

Then he took her completely by surprise when he announced that he wanted a divorce. “I laughed out loud because I thought he was kidding,” she said. But he was serious.

Before the end of their first date together, Ralph had the “aha” moment: Candace wasn’t ready for a relationship with him. She wasn’t ready for a relationship with ANYONE. She was still heartbroken, and she needed more time to heal.

Chances are that you’ve also had an “aha” moment during a date when you knew that the person on the other side of the table wasn’t going to be the one you’ve been looking for. The sooner you can find that out, the better. Ralph counts himself lucky for finding it out on date one with Candace.

When a man isn’t ready to commit to a relationship, he will be hard to pin down. When you ask him direct questions about things like his schedule or his goals for the future, he will respond with vague answers or deftly change the subject.

One of the big mistakes that women make is trying to coax men into discussions about relationships and commitment. These are important topics, and women want to talk about them. Men, however, would rather volunteer for a root canal.

Here’s the key, ladies: Men only commit when they think it’s THEIR IDEA. Yes, you can express how important a committed relationship is to you, and how you like to shower your man with love and adoration when you feel the safety and security that a long-term relationship offers. But if you push too hard and too soon for a commitment, he will run away like a man fleeing from a burning dynamite factory.

So maybe the question isn’t, “Is he ready for a relationship?” Maybe the real question is, “Can you wait until he is ready for a relationship?” If you can’t, then you might be happier if you moved on.

If you're ready to read something about the lighter side of dating, have a look at my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone. It's available from amazon.com.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Back when I was newly single and just getting back into dating, I noticed that some of my single friends talked about dating as if it were a major chore. To them, going on a first date was much like going to a meeting that you’d rather not attend.

In other words, dating sounded like work.

Wait a minute, I thought. Isn’t dating supposed to be FUN? Isn’t the search for a new girlfriend (or boyfriend) supposed to be exciting? Isn’t finding the love of your life worthy of some excitement?

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with dating for too many single adults. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why they are unsuccessful at dating. They can’t find that special someone because they aren’t having fun during the search. Maybe their bad vibes are actually keeping Mr. Wonderful (or Ms. Fabulous) away.

Ladies, let me give you some friendly advice about men. We’re not all serious all of the time. Sure, we work hard at our jobs and we take our jobs seriously. But we like to have fun, too. And most of us single men go out on dates to have fun and meet lovely new women. Dates aren’t supposed to feel like work.

When we meet a sad, dour-faced woman for a date, we are not amused. We don’t go out looking for a bad time. No man ever wrote, “For a bad time call 555-1369” on a bathroom wall. Women who don’t know how to enjoy themselves don’t get asked out for a second date. If you’ve ever wondered why he didn’t call you again after your first date, maybe it’s because you weren’t any fun to be with.

Men, the same thing goes for you. If you show up for a date looking like you’d rather be somewhere else, the lovely lady you are with will not be impressed with you. If you can’t brighten her mood with an inviting smile and a good sense of humor, then you aren’t making a good impression. Women aren’t looking for a bad time, either.

So what’s the answer? Lighten up! When I began my dating adventure, I promised myself that I would have fun. In my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, available from amazon.com, I describe my journey—and I am (mostly) having a good time during the dating phase of my life. For me, meeting new women was fun and energizing.

Of course, when I went out with a woman who was too nervous to enjoy herself, or in a bad mood, or not completely over her last breakup, it wasn’t much fun. So I moved on.

Can dating success really come down to one simple thing—fun? Maybe. Not having the “fun factor” was a deal-breaker for me. A woman who didn’t seem to enjoy herself did not get a call-back from me.

So if you’re stuck in a dating rut and you can’t seem to find the next love of your life, just relax and decide to enjoy the process. Take all the pressure off. Lighten up and have a little fun.

It might make all the difference.

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10 Things a Guy Will Never Ask About a Power Tool

Sometimes women need a glimpse into the mind of a typical man. Otherwise, the typical woman has no clue what's bouncing around inside a man's head.

So, in the interest of enhancing communications between the sexes--and because I thought this list was both true and funny, I present this list of 10 Things a Guy Will Never Ask About a Power Tool:

1. How does it work?

2. Why do I need it?

3. Is protective eyewear needed?

4. Are there instructions?

5. Can I use it to open a bottle? (Guys will assume it will.)

6. Can I save money by renting it?

7. Is it dangerous?

8. Is there a smaller, less powerful option?

‎9. Is it available in seafoam green?

10. Does it make my butt look big?

:-)
That's all for today. Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.