New Year’s Resolutions: A New Year Brings New Opportunities for Happiness

The beginning of a New Year is traditionally the time when we make New Year’s resolutions. Of course, you can make resolutions, set goals, and vow to improve yourself at any time of the year. But when the calendar page turns to a new year, that’s when most of us take time to reflect on the year just finished and consider what we can do to make the coming New Year even better.

With that in mind, I thought I would share my New Year’s resolutions for 2014—and beyond. Perhaps they will give you an idea of something you’d like to do to make your new year brighter.

New Year’s Resolution #1: Be happy, and seek happiness in everything I do

Every day is full of opportunities to be happy, but sometimes we forget how much we have to be happy about. This year I will seek and recognize happiness in even little things. This year I promise to wake up with a happy thought. I will take a moment to be happy to be waking up in a warm, comfortable bed. I will ponder at least one happy moment to look forward to that day. I will appreciate my first meal of the day, and the clothes I am wearing. I will appreciate the sun on clear days and the clouds on rainy days. I will especially be joyful and thankful for my loving family and friends. I have a lot to be thankful for, and the natural result of gratitude is happiness.

 

New Year’s Resolution #2: Enjoy the small moments

It’s easy to enjoy the big moments of life—the birth of a child or grandchild, the triumph of a new job or promotion, the thrill of a major vacation. But what about the small everyday moments? There can be great joy in a sunset, in the first morning cup of coffee, in receiving a friendly email or Facebook message that you didn’t expect. This year I promise to enjoy the small moments that happen throughout the day—every day.

 

New Year’s Resolution #3: Be more friendly, and be a better friend

This year I will be the first to introduce myself to a stranger at a party or a business event. I will be the one with the smile on my face and the outstretched hand, welcoming a newcomer who is standing alone by himself. I will look for new opportunities to make new friends, and I will be more friendly to those people who I already consider my friends.

 

New Year’s Resolution #4: Cut myself a little slack.

Most of us are too hard on ourselves. I am certainly more critical of myself than I am of other people, and I expect more of myself than I do of anyone else. So instead of trying to walk on water, I promise to be content with walking through the puddles. I don’t have to be perfect at everything I do. I don’t have to beat myself up about every little mistake I make. I am going to cut myself a little slack and not sweat the small stuff. I’ll bet this goes a long way toward making every day happier. (See New Year’s resolution #1)

 

New Year’s Resolution #5: Look for the positive

This year I am going to do a better job of looking for silver linings. When that work project that I bid on doesn’t come through, I will tell myself that a better offer is on its way. When a friend disappoints me by being unavailable for lunch, I will take that as an opportunity to call someone else who I haven’t talked to in a while. When my kids don’t return my calls, I will be thankful that their lives are blessedly busy—and I will call them again with a smile on my face.  Our attitude about the things that happen every day has a major impact on our life experience, so I am going to make sure that my attitude is as positive as possible.

 

One of the things I learned while writing Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet was that we are all responsible for our own happiness.

New Year’s Resolution #6: Practice random acts of kindness

I am going to do some nice things for people for no particular reason. I have never in my life paid for the guy’s order behind me in the Starbucks drive-through. Well, this year I am going to randomly do some nice things for people I don’t know—as well as for people that I do know. I am going to give a meal to a homeless person. I am going to take magazines to a nursing home or hospital waiting room. I will support inspirational websites like www.kheavensent.com. And I won’t expect anything in return. The warm feeling in my heart and the hope that I might inspire someone else to practice a random act of kindness will be all the reward I need.

 

How about you? What are you going to do to ensure that this next year is better than the one before?

 

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Like his Facebook page!

 

 

Dating Tips for the Holiday Season

I was just interviewed on a radio show to talk about dating tips for the holiday season.  It’s a popular topic this time of year because the holiday season is typically festive and filled with lots of social events. But the holidays can be a bit challenging for singles. If you’re single during the holidays it’s important to stay positive and say yes to holiday parties. Don’t start feeling sorry for yourself just because you aren’t spending the holidays with the love of your life.

 



Look on the bright side. If you're single during the holiday season you won't have to dress like this.

Holiday Dating Tips for Singles

Sure, there are lots of family-oriented events during the holiday season. And, yes, Aunt Mabel might corner you at a family gathering and ask you why you still aren’t married. But look at the positive side: the holidays are filled with social events that offer opportunities to meet someone new. Be open to meeting someone special and you’ll find yourself having fun. Follow these tips:

 

Holiday Dating Tip #1: Go Old School

You know what they say about the holiday season, right? It’s the most wonderful time of the year! This season is also the most old-fashioned time of the year, and that goes for everyone whether you’re single, dating, or married. The most popular Christmas song is White Christmas, by Bing Crosby—a  song that was recorded in 1942. There is no other time of year that you’ll hear a 70-year-old song on the radio. So keep that in mind, and lean toward behaving like an old school man or old school woman during your dating and social activities during the holidays.

 

Holiday Season Tip for Singles #2: Dress to Impress

The holiday season is a fancier, more formal and more festive time of year. So dress nice. Leave your crappy clothes at home and wear your grown-up clothes. Throw that old sweatshirt and frayed sweater in the laundry and leave them there until after New Year’s. Be classy, not trashy if you want to stand out and attract new love during the holidays.

 

This outfit sounded like a good idea after 12 glasses of eggnog. Can you spell E-P-I-C  F-A-I-L?

Holiday Dating Tip #3: Use Your Best Manners

Again, think Old School. Maybe saying “Yes Ma’am” and “Yes, Sir” is going a bit too far—but maybe not. If you’re a single person meeting your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents for the first time, it’s really hard to be TOO polite. And the same thing goes for meeting someone on a first date. During the holidays, we just expect people to be nicer, friendlier, and have better manners.

So guys, DO NOT wear mistletoe on you belt buckle thinking you’re going to get some action. That’s an epic fail during the holidays.

 

Holiday Dating Tip #4:  Don’t be a Schmuck—Spend Ten Bucks

The holidays are full of parties—office parties, cocktail parties, dinner parties. Whether you’re a man or a woman, show up bearing a gift. Small and thoughtful is best. Poinsettias. A bottle of affordable wine. Homemade cookies or sweetbread. A small holiday décor item. Be a wise man (or woman) and play the role of Santa’s little helper. Spending 5 or 10 bucks keeps you from looking like a schmuck. And generosity is VERY appealing to singles of both genders.

 

Holiday Season Tip for Singles #5: Relax and be Your Best Self

The holiday season is a great time to relax, enjoy yourself and stop trying so hard to impress the opposite sex. If you’re a man, leave your tired old pickup lines at home. If you’re a woman, leave your slutty clothes in your closet. This is the time to be comfortable within you own skin in a comfortable, natural way. There is nothing more appealing than that. (And this holiday dating tip works all year long.)

 

Relax and enjoy the holiday season whether you're single or part of a couple.

 

Bonus Holiday Season Tip for Single Women

Ladies, DO NOT dress up your dog in a cute little Santa outfit, thinking that’s a great man magnet. You might think, “That’s so cute!” But men think, “Look at the crazy lady who dressed up her dog like Santa Paws.”

Double Bonus: The Holiday Season is a good time to remember:

Babe Magnet Rule #14

Babe Magnets are confident and sure of themselves. Even if they have to fake it.

Babe Rule #1

Be the Babe. Make him earn your affections. You’re worth the effort.

(NOTE: For more dating and relationship tips, read The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50: 101 Tips for Meeting, Winning & Keeping a New Love by Chad Stone.)

 

Have a terrific holiday season!

 

 

Two secrets women need to know about men

 

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. That’s because men can be clueless—and that’s no big secret. (I am a man, and I can say this in all honesty.) But I’ll let you in on a little secret women need to know about men. Many women don’t know that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

 

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man. I call these the two secrets that women need to know about men in order to attract the right man—and keep him interested.

Is LOVE in the cards for you? It can be--but only if you know the rules of the game.

 

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Ways

What does it mean for a woman to use her feminine ways? It means simply this: most men can’t handle a woman’s emotional power. Women must realize that their emotions are too powerful a force for most men to understand. This emotional power shorts out a man’s brain circuits and sends him running for cover.

 

As a result, a woman needs to keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance. Truly, the power of a woman’s emotions is more than a man can handle. His mind is hardwired for logic and problem solving. Men don’t understand emotions and process life through their emotions the way women do.   

 

The answer for women? Learn to regulate your feminine power with feminine grace. Outsmart him by giving him just what his ego wants. At the same time, use your feminine grace to set the ground rules so he will know how you want to be treated. (Men appreciate knowing what “the rules” are—and they respond by trying to please you.)

Here are some more tips on how to convert your feminine power to feminine grace:

 

• Be gracious. Grace leads to graciousness. Men don’t get a lot of graciousness from the men in their lives, so they crave it from women.

• Speak from the heart, but don’t overload his brain with too much emotion. He wants to feel your emotion—he really does. He just doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by it.

• Expect him to treat you with consideration and respect. That’s what you deserve, and you should not settle for anything less.

 

When you turn on your feminine charms, you will find that there is real power in controlling your feminine energy. Use this secret to behave from your source of feminine power and he will feel good to be around you. And that’s crucial in getting him to come back for more.

 

Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man

Why is this secret that women need to know so secret? Probably because too few women know how important this secret really is. Sure, women may make a man feel manly in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS like a man.

 

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Instead of continuing to use their feminine power in the form of feminine grace, too many women start to chip away at a man’s masculine ego by criticizing him and trying to turn him into something different. (Something better, right ladies?) A man wants to please his woman, so he will go along with some of the changes. But after a while most men will realize that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad about himself—not wonderful. Trust me, a man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But what if she can’t be pleased? Then he feels like a failure. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he is a failure?

 

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:

 

• Let him know how good a man you think he is. Tell him with your eyes, your smile, and your kind words. Tell him he makes you feel like a lady.

• Let him know how considerate he is—and let him know how much that pleases you.

• Let him know how smart you think he is. Stroke his ego a little. It might sound a little manipulative, and maybe it is. But as a man, yours truly Chad Stone can speak on behalf of men. For more on this topic, check out my book Babe MagnetRules of Dating Over 50.

Let him know strong and capable he is. (It’s beginning to sound like men are just big, insecure babies on the inside. Well ladies, they are.) 

 

Basically, it comes down to this: a man wants to be his woman’s hero. We all want to be the charming prince who comes to a beautiful damsel’s rescue. Men want to live the fairy tale, too. And by the way, ladies, if he is not the kind of man you can honestly appreciate, then he IS NOT the man for you.

 

Would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right--and not find the man of your dreams?

Does this advice sound hopeless old-fashioned? Does it sound crazy to behave like this in the 21^st century? Not if you want the man of your dreams. Dating IS old-fashioned. Relationships ARE based largely upon centuries of old-fashioned behaviors. If you want to get a great man and live happily ever after, you’ve got to use your feminine power in a gracious and graceful way.

 

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment and let me know if you think I’m crazy—or not.

 

Sincerely,

 

Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet acceptance speech

Last week, yours truly-- the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet-- had the privilege of attending the awards ceremony for the 2013 New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. I was at the gala banquet because my dating advice book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, was a finalist for Best Book in the Self-Help Book category.


I was completely honored to be nominated. More than 1,200 books had been submitted for this year's awards. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, which is a humorous memoir and a dating advice book, caught the eye of the judges and was declared a finalist.
 

My book was nominated for a major award, and I was excited! Could a Pulitzer Prize be far behind?

Because I have never won a major writing award--and because I was quite convinced that I was going to win, I wrote an acceptance speech. I knew that I wanted to say a few key things to the assembled crowd about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, because not everyone would be familiar with my dating advice/self-help book. My speech would be a great opportunity to say Thank You!, but it would also be an opportunity to tell others about my book.

So here's the speech I wrote:

"Thank you so much for this honor!

 

"Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet started out as therapy for me. I was newly divorced after a long marriage, and I did not want to be single for the rest of my life. But I was clueless about dating in the 21^st Century. So I started keeping a journal, and I wrote down the good, the bad and the funny things that I experienced as a middle-aged single man.

 

"Whenever I discovered something I thought was either valuable or profound, I wrote this little bit of wisdom down as a Babe Magnet Rule. The first one came to me right after I had written down a list of the attributes I wanted in the Last Love of My Life. I read the list and realized that I had just described a Total Babe—someone who was completely out of my league.

 

"So I wrote down the first Babe Magnet Rule: To be a Babe Magnet, you must believe you are a Babe Magnet.

 

"I ended up with 92 Babe Magnet Rules, and they became the organizing framework for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. These Babe Magnet Rules helped my book successfully become a hybrid of a humorous memoir and a self-help book.

 

"I would like to thank the judges for getting past the very tongue-in-cheek title of my book, and for finding a way to honor a book that doesn’t fit neatly into a traditional genre. But most of all, I would like to thank my lovely wife, Krista, for giving me the happy ending that my book needed—and for proving that it’s never too late to find your soul mate.

 

"Thank you very much!"

 

I would soon be putting WINNER stickers on the cover of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet book covers instead of FINALIST stickers!

 

 

 

That's a pretty good speech, if I do have to say so myself.

 

There was only one problem with my speech. I never got a chance to deliver it. They announced the nominees in the Best Self-Help book category, but when the emcee announced the winning book, he didn't say Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. He said the title of some other book.

 

I was stunned. Obviously, a horrible mistake had been made. I was supposed to be strolling up to the podium to make my acceptance speech. BUT MY BOOK HADN'T WON. I felt just like all of the non-winning actors on Oscars night. (Except I didn't have a TV camera on me while I tried to look happy for the winner.)

 

You know how everyone always says it's an honor just to be nominated? Well, it is. But the people who say it's an honor just to be nominated DID NOT WIN. The winners always say how great it is to win. Because winning is a lot more fun.

 

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm over it. It was an honor just to get nominated. But if you'd like to help soften the blow for me, you can give copies of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet to everyone you know this holiday season.

 

During my last radio show interview, I told the host that anyone who has ever been single would enjoy the book. And women like the book as much as men. So there you have it, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the perfect holiday gift.

 

You heard it here first.

 

Dating After 40: Why Do Men Want Younger Women?

One of the most common dating after 40 questions I am asked by women goes something like this: “Why are so many men who are dating after 40 looking for younger women? What’s up with a 60 year-old-man who clearly wants to date a 40-year-old woman?”

Well, why is it that so many men who are dating after 40 clearly want younger women? Or do we hear a lot about the over-40 single men who want younger women, even though the majority of men are happy to date women in their own age group. Which is it?

There’s no question that some older men do want to date younger women. One reason is simply because they can. Our society has long accepted the idea of an older man dating a younger woman. If a 45-year-old man can get a 30-year-old woman to go out with him, why shouldn’t he? Unfortunately, though, the tables are rarely turned. Society has not embraced the idea of an older woman going out with a younger man. When a 50-something woman does go out with a 30-something man, for example, we call that woman a “cougar.” And the term “cougar” isn’t usually meant to be a compliment.
 
So if society allows a man to date a younger woman, what’s the age difference that’s acceptable? Is it OK for a 60-year-old man to date a 40-year-old woman? How about a 65-year-old man dating a 40-year-old woman? That’s 25 year difference in their ages. How about a 30-year difference in age? Where does a single person draw the line? Or as one woman commented, “It bothers me when I see a man who’s in his 60s going after a woman in her 30s. What does that mean for me, at 53? Does that mean I have to date men who are 75 and older?”

I hope not. That would really suck, wouldn’t it?

 

I don't know, Heff. How many blondes DOES it take to change a diaper? I'm thinking-- three.
 

Let’s face it—getting older is no picnic for either gender. A typical man has concerns about his virility, while the typical woman tends to be concerned with her physical beauty. Many men who are afraid that they are getting older (as in “past their prime”) try to recapture the feeling of virility that they had as young men by dating a younger woman. Dating a younger woman makes them feel younger, and that often will give a man an extra shot of energy—and dare I say, testosterone.
 
But speaking as both a man and the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I can tell you that there are plenty of problems with dating a younger woman. For one thing, there’s the lack of common cultural experience. If the first band you fell in love with is the Beatles, and you remember their Ed Sullivan Show appearances in 1964, then you’re not going to have that in common with a younger woman who first got excited about Duran Duran (“the band so nice they named it twice”). You’re probably not going to like the same movies. The list goes on and on.
 
Another huge challenge in dating someone who is significantly older or younger than you are has to do with kids. Let’s say you’ve got older kids who are all out of the house—in college or even into their adult lives. Then you start seeing someone whose kids are still in elementary school. That’s a huge difference in your family situations. And anytime you date someone with kids living in the home it changes the dynamics of the dating situation.
 
So whether you’re a man dating younger women or a woman dating younger men, you’ve got to deal with a lot of age-related challenges.

That’s why, in my humble experience and in my own personal research, I’ve found it much more likely that long-term relationships blossom when the two people are close enough in age to have a common bond of mutual experiences. Being at roughly the same stage of life and coming from the same cultural experiences is a huge factor in finding mutual compatibility.

So, gentlemen, go ahead and date a few young babes if you need to get it out of your system. But I’ll bet you five bucks that the woman you choose for a long-term relationship is closer to your own age.

For more on this topic—and just about everything else concerning dating and relationships, read The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50: 101 Tips for Meeting, Winning & Keeping a New Love by yours truly, Chad Stone.

 

 

The Top Dating Over 50 Dealbreakers

If you’ve been dating over 50 for a while, chances are you’ve got a list of your own dating dealbreakers. Even if you’ve never written them down, you know what they are. A woman named Valerie told me her dating over 50 deal breakers are men who lie about themselves on their online profiles, men who are shorter that she is, and men who lie about their height on their online profiles because they are shorter than she is.

 

A single friend of mine named Cliff was once looking to date only supermodels who weighed no more than 125 pounds. He seems to have relaxed his standards after spending so many nights alone. Now he’s looking for women “who have their own teeth.”

 

Dating Over 50

It turns out that there are almost as many dating over 50 dealbreakers as there are daters who are over 50. (And that’s also true for other age groups.) A website called OurTime.com, which is targeted toward singles over the age of 50, has released a survey of its members. They didn’t ask for my opinion—probably because I am not a member of the website, I call myself the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, and I am now happily married. Nevertheless, the results of their survey show the top three deal breakers for the dating over 50 crowd.

 

All single people have dating dealbreakers. But do you know what the top deal breakers are for dating over 50?

The dealbreakers are….. (drumroll please!)….

 

Poor Health

Number One: The person is dead. Just kidding. Dead people didn’t even make the Top 10. But the number one dealbreaker is closely related to death—people who are in poor health. 78% of the dating over 50 respondents said they were not willing to go out with someone who was in poor health.

 

I'm thinking this guy does not get many winks on Match.com.

That’s a pretty good call if you ask me. Good health is so fundamentally important to a good relationship that it almost goes without saying. Who would want to start a relationship with someone who isn’t physically well? Plus, there’s the underlying cause of the poor health. If someone isn’t healthy because he or she doesn’t take good care of themselves, that’s a huge red flag. Babe magnets take good care of themselves. So do babes. Do you really want to start a relationship with someone who cares so little about himself that he puts himself at risk? I think not.

 

Poor Financial Health

The Number Two dating over 50 dealbreaker is financial instability. 76 percent of the www.OurTime.com members cited financial issues as a deal breaker. By the time you have reached middle age, you don’t want to get involved with someone who hasn’t gotten her financial act together. The bohemian poor starving artists that have some appeal at age 25 don’t look so good at age 52, when it’s time to get serious about stashing away money for a long and happy retirement.

 

The sign says it all, huh? I wonder if you can get this put on a t-shirt.

One of the reasons I think that poor physical health and financial instability rank #1 and #2 on this survey is that both of these are long-term issues. If you’re unhealthy and your finances are a mess in your over-50 years, it is unlikely things are going to get significantly better anytime soon.

 

Physical Attraction

Coming in at Number Three on the survey is lack of physical attraction (with 75 percent of the survey respondents listing this). This is an obvious dealbreaker for single people of all ages. We’re all looking for someone who can spark our flame of passion. But of all the Top 3 deal breakers in this survey, the lack of physical attraction is the one that offers the most potential for short-term improvement.

 

Oh, baby! Do you love this guy's style, or what? He thinks he's a middle-aged babe magnet, but his only friend is the Domino's delivery guy.

By the time we hit 50, many of us have gotten complacent with our physical appearances. We might be wearing clothes that were fashionable in a previous decade. (I am talking to you, men.) We might be wearing our hair in the same, familiar style that we fell in love with as young adults. We might be pretending that we have more hair than we actually do. (Key word: comb-over.)

 

Update Your Look

One of my most common bits of advice for anyone who is dating over 50 is “update your look.” Find a friend who has good taste in today’s clothes and go shopping. Get yourself some new clothes that fit you well. Take a long, honest look in the mirror. If you’re stuck in a hairstyle rut, go to a salon for a new look. If you haven’t been regularly exercising—start. Begin by walking or biking. Join a gym and start getting your body in shape. You’ll look better and feel better, too.  

 

Today’s over 50 singles are more active and more vibrant than middle-aged folks were in the past. The ones who succeed in dating over 50 are those men and women who keep themselves healthy, take care of their finances, and deliberately don’t get stuck in a rut.

 

There’s one more thing: the best way you can make yourself happier and more physically attractive is to smile more. Try it—starting right now.

 

Chad Stone is the author of The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50.

 

Five Ways Women Kill Relationships

In a previous post here on Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I talked about the Five Ways Men Kill Relationships. It’s only fair that I talk about some of the behaviors that women use to chase men away. So this time we cover the five ways that women kill relationships.

Women believe that they’re better at relationships than men are. And they’re probably right. Men can be clueless and self-centered. But women can also fail in the relationship department. Women bring a complexity to the lives of men, and sometimes men just can’t handle it.

Some of the ways that women mess up relationships can be described as personality types. So here are the behaviors of five personality types that women use to kill relationships.

1.       Ms. Bossy Pants

Dating is complicated for the modern woman. Most women have jobs, and many have high-paying careers. These women are used to being not only independent—but in charge. They’ve amped up their masculine energy to succeed in the working world, only to find out that this hard-charging energy makes dating and relationships more difficult. Why? Because the process of dating and developing relationships is VERY old-fashioned. The man demonstrates his masculine energy by being the instigator. He makes the first move, he plans dates, and he basically tries to impress the woman. The woman, on the other hand, needs to relax in her role of being the prize that the man is trying to win.
 



There is nothing like a bossy woman to get a man all warm inside. Right, guys?

When a modern career woman, who I will call Ms. Bossy Pants, enters a new relationship, one of the most difficult things for her is to let the man take the lead. She’s so used to handling things on her own—or even telling people what to do, that she can’t help but make suggestions about how a date should go. He picks a nice restaurant, and she says, “Well, the new Asian Bistro is really quite fabulous. Wouldn’t you really rather go there?” Ms. Bossy Pants has to learn how to wear a dress and let the man be in charge. Otherwise, the only men she will attract are wimpy guys to will put up with all of the bossing.

2.       The Wedding Planner

There are two basic ways of moving too fast in a relationship. For men, it’s trying to get sex too quickly. For women, it’s picking out the wedding invitation design after two dates. Both of these types of moving too fast can kill a relationship.

You casually mention the "M word" during an early date, and this is what he pictures.

 

Healthy relationships usually progress in a natural, comfortable way. A relationship works best when both parties are moving along at the same speed. But if one is way ahead of the other, there’s bound to be some friction. If it’s the woman who is already wedding planning before he’s committed, then he is going to behave like a man and run like hell. I think the majority of cases of men bailing from relationships has to do with women who are planning for a lifetime of bliss when the guy can’t plan past Friday.

3.       Ms. Gold Digger

Yes, ladies, even in the 21^st century there are women who are in it for the money. Remember Anna Nicole Smith (the former Playboy Playmate) who married that 187-year-old billionaire oil tycoon? Do you really think she fell madly in love with him? Me neither. Anna Nicole was the ultimate Ms. Gold Digger.

What do you REALLY want from a relationship?

Most women are not simply after a man’s money. But men are still sensitive to the fact that some women are impressed by fancy cars, jewelry and big houses. So when a woman even hints at being interested in a man for his money, his warning sirens go off. This works both ways, too. When a man starts acting like his girlfriend is going to be his Sugar Momma, she’s going to give him a swift kick out the door.
 

4.       The Man Fixer

There’s an old saying about how men and women approach finding a mate. A man meets a woman and says, “She’s perfect. I hope she never changes.” A woman meets a man and says, “He needs a lot  

She's thinking: "This guy has potential. I can really turn him into someone nice." 

of work, but I can whip him into shape.” A woman who behaves as a Man Fixer loves the challenge of rehabbing a man who has lots of potential. Like a contractor who can turn an ugly, dilapidated house into a neighborhood treasure, The Man Fixer rolls up her sleeves and gets right to work. Lots of men are happy to make small changes for their women. And lots of men are better off for the touch of a smart woman with good taste. But most men don’t want to be rehab projects. When a man feels like he’s a Man Fixer’s project, he’s going to bolt.

 

5.       Miss “Let Me Tell You How Horrible Men Are”

What is it about some women and their man bashing? Why are they still looking for Mr. Right if they’re convinced that every man is a total jerk? Miss “Let Me Tell You How Horrible Men Are” is quite sure that men are inferior creatures, but there she is on Match.com on a Friday night, looking through the profiles of local men. She’s hoping to find the one-in-a-million man who might be good

Men are not looking for a bad time. Do you think this woman would be any fun to be with on a date?

enough for her—and at the same time she’s quite sure that he doesn’t exist. Miss “Let Me Tell You How Horrible Men Are” gets crabbier as she gets older, so she starts to actually repel men. This leads to a self-fulfilling prophesy whereby men start to run away. Then she REALLY believes that all men are horrible—they won’t even talk to her anymore.
 
Ladies, there’s a simple fact about men that you really need to hear: Men aren’t looking for a bad time, and they aren’t looking for relationships with crabby women who are impossible to please. No man ever wrote, “For a bad time call Lisa,” on a bathroom wall.

 

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

 

The Final Word on How to Have a Great First Date

During our last two posts, we talked about how to have a great first date. There’s all the first date prep. There’s getting your great first date look together so you make an awesome first impression. There’s choosing the right location for your great first date. And, of course, you need to know what to talk about—and also which topics to NOT talk about.

In many ways, a first date is like a job interview. You are applying for the opening for Girlfriend (or Boyfriend), and your goal is to get to the next interview. How do you do that? Start by asking good questions. Listen to the answers.  Show that you are interested in your date and what he or she says. Reveal some positive things about yourself and your interests in an unforced, conversational way. Smile and enjoy yourself!

"You're hired!" Well, that's sort of what a first date can be like.

 

You might indeed be on a “job interview” of sorts, but a first date is actually much more than that. Sure, you’ve got to make a good impression and reveal the best aspects of your personality. But you also have to get to know the person sitting across from you. Because if a first date really is a job interview, it’s a two-way job interview. You’re both interviewing each other, and it’s only successful if you both shine.

You know how to tell if your date is clicking? The time just FLIES by. The two of you never run out of things to say. That’s how it was for Mueller when he first met Daphne. Mueller had been on quite a few dates. He was almost a professional dater, because he was very picky and he was looking for the love of his life. When he met Daphne for dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant, he was starting to wonder if he had been too picky. But Daphne had a smile that dazzled him, and Mueller had a gentle way about him that touched Daphne’s heart. They both couldn’t stop smiling at each other, and they made each other laugh. The longer they talked, the more they had in common.

 

You've heard of the expression "time flies." No, it's not a literal thing, not matter how good this illustration is. But time whizzing by is one thing that makes a great first date, well, great.

Then, there was the big C-word—Chemistry. It’s difficult to describe chemistry using words, but most of us know it when we feel it. Chemistry is a biological, physical and emotional attraction to another person. Both Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night. Chemistry isn’t logical, so you can sometimes overthink it and talk yourself out of it.

No. Not this kind of chemistry. The Good Kind of chemistry.

 

Fortunately, Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night, and they paid attention to it. Their romance is still going strong, and it looks like it will be going strong for years to come.

And that, my friends, is why you go out on a first date. Because sometimes, if you’re lucky and if you’re paying attention, the chemistry cooks and the stars align and that first date leads to the love of your life.

All you need is love.

 

For more tips on how to meet the love of your life, read Chad Stone’s self-help memoir Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. The book was recently named a finalist for Best Self Help Book by the prestigious New Mexico/Arizona Book Awards.   

 

How to Have a Great First Date (Part 2)

Our discussion on the topic, How to Have a Great First Date continues...

 

You’re all ready for a great first date with someone you barely know. Your body is clean, your clothes are clean, and you’re dressed for dating success. You are ready to meet the love of your life. (Hey, it could happen. I know this from personal experience-- because it happened to me.)

Gentlemen, if you are following the rules I set out in my book, Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50, you selected a suitable location for this great first date.



This is NOT a good choice for a first date. Never, ever.

 

If this is a “meet and greet” date, then you’re probably meeting at a Starbucks of a similar local coffee spot. There is nothing wrong with a coffee date. It’s a casual, low-pressure way to get to know someone. If her or she sparks your interest, great! If not, it’s no harm no foul, and you can move on.



A first date that doesn't work out is like incidental contact in a basketball game. "No harm, no foul."

(Photo by the Birmingham News)

 

If you want to make a bigger first impression, then you have invited her to dine with you at a nice, but not too fancy, restaurant. In an age of “meet and greet” first dates, a real dinner date is a great way to get a woman’s attention.

Now, follow Babe Magnet Rule #30: Be the first to arrive for a date—especially a first date. Give yourself a few minutes to claim the place as your own. This will give you extra confidence and help put you in command of the date. And Babes love a confident man.

When you meet your date, use your best old-school manners. Guys, look your date in the eyes and tell her how glad you are to meet her. Girls, look him in the eyes and smile. He will melt.



It doesn't take much for a woman to melt a man. A nice smile will do it every time.

 

So, now what? What should you talk about? And what topics should you avoid? Well, the number one topic you should NOT talk about on a first date is ex-spouses and ex-lovers. The trouble with talking about ex-lovers is that it’s an emotionally charged topic. Love Gone Bad is not a fun topic, and relationship breakups are not happy events. Do you really want to travel into the Black Hole of a Dead Relationship with someone you barely know? I think not.

Here’s the best thing that could happen when you talk about your ex. You say something like, “My ex-wife is a wonderful person, but over the years we grew less and less compatible.” That sounds reasonable, right? You’re over your ex and you’re not bitter. On some days, you’re so enlightened that your friends call you Gandhi. But you still run the risk of your date only hearing the “my ex-wife is a wonderful person” part and now she’s wondering if you’re really over her yet.

 

Try not to talk about ex-lovers, religion or politics on a first date.

 

So, what do you talk about? Fun stuff. Positive stuff. Amusing things that have happened to you lately. Before your date, think about some fun stuff you can talk about. One way to avoid the dreaded AWKWARD SILENCE OF A FIRST DATE is to always have a few little stories to tell.

I suggest that everyone have three “talk show stories” that they can tell during a date or any social setting. These are the kinds of stories that are fun, easy to listen to, and don’t challenge anyone’s beliefs or opinions.

Back when I was single and was a self-proclaimed Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I used to tell a funny story about my youngest son. (Almost anyone can appreciate a funny kid story.) I also told the story about how my cat adopted me after my dog died. (Women love heartwarming stories about pets.)



Awwwwwww!

 

Another topic that always seemed to work was a lighthearted review of some of my worst first dates. Women also like to share their bad date experiences. Bingo, you’ve got a pleasant conversation going. Just make sure that your bad date stories don’t reveal anything troubling about you—like showing up late for dates, getting drunk on dates, or forgetting to wear pants.

Once again, we’re out of time here at the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Blog. Next time we finish the topic of How to Have a Great First Date with the best tip ever about how to ensure that you’ll get a second date.

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.