Advice for Everyone

Sometimes we all need to be reminded about stuff we already know. This goes for folks who are single, happily in relationships, dating over 50, young, old enough to be collecting Social Security—all of us.

This list of helpful life advice started out as an email pass-along that a friend sent to me. I have edited it, added to it, and deleted some items to make it a set of guidelines that will help you stay optimistic—no matter what experiences each day brings you.

1. Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And cut up the ones you aren’t using.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Just stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Make a conscious effort to attract positive, loving people into your life. Then don’t be surprised when the negative, crabby people drop out of your life.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Life is short. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

14 Stop often to take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. Go after what you love in life, and don't take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

21. Believe in miracles. You won’t experience them if you don’t believe in them.

22. Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Let time do its job.

29. Life is change. Go with it.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

32. Plant a garden.

33. If you love someone, tell them “I love you” as often as you can.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Help them enjoy it.

35. Be nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But always stand up for yourself.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Be thankful.

39. You will be happier today if you are optimistic about tomorrow.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

Five dating success tips

Today I want to talk about dating success tips. If there’s one thing that prevents dating success it is the random and casual way that many singles approach dating—and love in general. Let me tell you, a hit-and-miss, unfocussed attitude toward finding the love of your life is NOT a good way to achieve dating success.

What do you do when you start looking for a job? You get organized. You take stock of your strengths. Your resume gets polished up. You think about what kind of job you want. Then, if you’re smart, you will start networking among your friends and business associates. You ask them if they know of any job openings. You search Craigslist for job postings and you check out other websites. You get ready for job interviews. When you get the call for an interview, you venture out to impress potential employers with your job skills and your people skills.

All of these things help ensure your job-seeking success. Why not use the same methodical approach to ensure your dating success? Your search for the love of your life is worth a little preparation and effort, isn’t it?

There is no reason to leave your search for a Significant Other to fate. Be a dating success story by making the search for your new love a top priority in your life. Use the following five dating success tips to make sure you find love.

1. Turn on your dating mind

Get into the dating mindset. Don’t just go through the motions. Be absolutely sure that you really want to date. Now is the time to affirm, “I am ready to find the love of my life!” Decide that you are now going to actively participate in the world of dating, and you are going to enjoy the process. (Please do not be one of those singles who just goes through the motions. Dating is not about killing time; it’s about finding love and companionship.)

2. State your intentions

Not everyone is looking for someone to marry and live with for the rest of their lives. Some singles are not yet ready for a serious commitment. That’s OK. Just get clear about what you want. Greg Behrendt, author of the bestselling book He’s Just Not That Into You, says that in order to find the right lover for you, you have to believe that he or she is actually out there. And that you’ll find them!

This is very similar to making New Year’s resolutions or setting any other kind of goal. Stating your dating intention is the same thing. Be clear that you are ready to find the love of your life. This is also important: know what you want in a romantic partner so you will recognize them when they appear in your life.

3. Turn on your dating success magic

Get your act together if you want to attract love. Turning on your dating success magic is almost like putting on a favorite jacket. When you put on your favorite jacket, you feel better about yourself. You are more confident and more comfortable. This will help you attract the highest quality woman (or man) into your life. Getting your mind into a positive state is an important part of dating success. It also helps to get your body into shape, too. Go to the gym more often. Eat healthier food and get plenty of rest. Getting your healthy glow back will help make you look and feel your best.

4. Watch for opportunities

How many places are there where you could meet someone new? Well, how many places do you go to? The grocery store. Your workplace. The local deli. A coffee shop. Yoga class. Walking down the street. The list is absolutely endless. Get yourself out into the real world and watch for opportunities to meet the love of your life. Strike up friendly conversations. Ask someone out for coffee. When someone asks you out, for heaven’s sake say Yes! Not every date is going to turn out great, but sometimes a so-so date will lead to a party where you’ll meet someone who lights your fire.

5. Welcome the adventure

Dating can be a wonderful adventure. Enjoy the ride! After talking to hundreds of single people—and experiencing dating again after my own divorce, I am convinced that dating success isn’t just about the end result. The happiest single people who are looking for romance are the ones who enjoy the dating process. It’s fun to meet new people. It’s fun to get out of your apartment. If you enjoy the journey, you are more likely to have dating success. If you are having fun along the way, you are actually MORE LIKELY to meet the love of your life.


For more great information about dating and relationships, looking for love and how to find the humor in dating, visit my website at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

Middle-Aged Dating and the Gag Reflex

Yeah, I know. Middle-Aged Dating and the Gag Reflex is the weirdest title I’ve ever used for a blog post. But stay with me—it’s not what you think.

The idea for this story about dating over 50 came to me earlier this week at the dentist’s office—which is the first time I ever got an idea for the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog while sitting in a dentist’s chair. I was in for my six month cleaning, and it was time to get those “bite xrays” taken. You know the kind—you bite down on this cardboard thing and the dental hygienist runs out of the room so she won’t get zapped with radiation. Then she runs back in and takes the cardboard contraption out of your mouth.

I don’t know about you, but I hate the whole bite xray process. Those cardboard things stick into my gums and make me gag. I have what can be described as a strong gag reflex, and I hate having foreign objects in my mouth.

I know I’m flirting with TMI here, but stay with me. When I told my new dental hygienist about my tendency to gag during the dental xray process, she asked me if I had ever tried salt. She said putting a little salt on your tongue can interrupt the gag reflex.

“Do you have any salt?” I asked. She said yes, and put some on my tongue. Well, Holy New Pontiff from Argentina, the freakin’ salt worked. No more gagging. I’m 58 years old, and somebody just taught me a new trick. From now on, I’ll be putting a little salt on my tongue before I get dental xrays—even if I have to bring my own salt.

I love it when I learn a new trick, and I’m a firm believer in continuing to learn new tricks no matter how old you are. I certainly learned a lot of new things after my mid-life divorce, and a lot of them were about dating, women, and relationships.

In fact, I even wrote a Babe Magnet Rule about that topic that appears in Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet:


BABE MAGNET RULE #7

Babe Magnets are not afraid to learn new tricks.


One of the things about dating after 50 for a lot of people is being in a situation that’s unfamiliar to them. They’ve probably just gotten divorced, and they’ve forgotten how to go out on a date. They have to relearn the whole courtship process. And sometimes they have to learn new things—such as online dating.
If you’re not willing to learn new things, you’re going to crash and burn in the dating world. You’re going to approach dating as if it were 1983, and you’re going to look and act like a doofus. (This is equally true for both men and women.)

The best thing you can do is to be open to learning new things. Read books about dating. Talk to your single friends. Talk to your recently married friends, and find out what worked for them when they were single. Be open to new ideas and trying new things.

Dating over 40, or dating over 50, or dating at any age can be a time of new growth and new learning. Please don’t be one of those people who says, “dating over 50 is so hard” or “there aren’t any interesting women” or “all of the good men are already taken.” None of those things are true—and there are millions of later-in-life relationships to prove it.

So, learn something new. Try something you’ve never done before. Even if that means putting a little salt on your tongue.

Best Senior Dating Sites

I just found out about a great website for folks who aren't afraid to proudly claim that they are old enough to be "seniors." I'm not sure what the age requirement is for seniorhood-- AARP says 50, my local movie theater says 62, and most people think of 65 as retirement age.You decide.

Anyway, the site is bestseniordatingsites.org. Visit the homepage and you'll see a roundup of the 25 best dating sites for seniors. Delve a little deeper by clicking on one of the Latest Posts links (on the left side of the Home page) and you can read some great stories.

I liked Top 100 Senior Dating, Relationship and Lifestyle Blogs. The Top 100 list includes blogs that cover Dating and Relationship Advice, Travel, Fitness, Lifestyle, and Fashion. Evidently, Joe Atkins, webmaster and editor of bestseniordatingsites.org couldn't just stop at 100 blogs to list. He's added another section-- and the current Top 100 list (as of this writing) now includes 108 top senior dating and relationship blogs.

Now, those of you who are regular readers of this blog and my book site, middleagedbabemagnet.com, know that I cover all kinds of dating and relationship topics--including dating after divorce, dating over 50,  and dating advice for people of all ages. This blog isn't just for people who are "seniors." But one of the things I discovered in my dating after divorce and dating over 50 life is that so much of good dating advice transcends a person's age.

Take Babe Magnet Rule #87: Be a gentleman.There are so few gentlemen left in the world these days, and being one is a great way to set yourself apart from all of the jerks that women have been dating. That's good advice no matter how old you are-- whether you're in your 20s or you are dating over 50.(By the way, that Babe Magnet Rule is from Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet.)

So, I hope this blog gets mentioned on the best senior dating sites website. After all, I AM a member of AARP already--although I'm not yet old enough to get the senior discount at the movie theater.

Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, has left the building.

Dating After Divorce: Dating Dealbreakers

One of the best things about Twitter is hashtags. Just using a hashtag (#) followed by a short phrase makes it possible to follow a specific topic as it trends across the Twitterverse.



Last week, the hashtag #MajorTurnOffs was abuzz with dealbreakers about dating. These pithy little comments sum up the complaints against people who are bad dates—and who probably aren’t worthy of seeing again. Anyone who has been dating after divorce is going to recognize a lot of these. (Thanks to huffingtonpost.com for compiling this list.) And thanks to Twitter, too.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 1-5

• a man who isn't gainfully employed

• People who are rude to servers or other customer service people.

• When you can’t tell me how large the national debt is, but you know every detail about Kim and Yeezy’s life.

• married men who flirt with you behind their wives back/in front of their wives faces.

• when females act like they don’t trust men at all.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 6-10

• mentioning an ex like they're still obsessed with them. (Is this a dating after divorce red flag, or what?)

• past drama-- I need to know that your past is your past, your ex is your ex, and that I’m not a backup

• When someone says, “I liked that band way before they were famous.”

• Not being ok with divorce. It’s kind of my thing. (Yeah, if you’re dating after divorce, that could be a real sore spot.)

• Someone that’s just always negative & never has anything good to say about anything or anyone.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 11-15

• people who try to rush relationships. Breathe and settle down. We aren’t getting married tomorrow.

• someone who’s ignorant

• Flirting with other people while on a date.

• making promises they already know they are not going to keep

• I’d say indecisiveness. Or maybe not. Tough one. (Ha! When you’re dating after divorce, you need to have a sense of humor!)

Dating Dealbreakers Number 16-20

• when you’ve got nothing good to say about your exes. What are you going to be saying about me if it doesn't work out?

• If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation with me.

• Guys who get drunk on the 1st date, esp if I’m not even drinking.

• Beautiful people with ugly personalities

• And one of mine own: someone who doesn’t even show up for the first date—and doesn’t even call or text. Just a no show. That’s a case of “one strike and you’re out.”



So what do you think? Is this a good list? Leave a comment and let us know what your dating dealbreaker is. And thanks for reading.



This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

Dating Over 50 and Babe Magnet Rule #17

You know that old saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks? That may be true for old dogs, but not for single men. When I was single and dating over 50, I definitely learned a few new things about women.

One of the things I learned was Babe Magnet Rule #17, which appears in my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. It goes like this:

BABE MAGNET RULE #17

A Babe Magnet knows when to hold ‘em, knows when to fold ‘em, knows when to walk away, and knows when to run like hell.




Whoa. This guy might be a candidate for a "run like hell" date.



Some dates are made in heaven. Everything clicks. The conversation flows. You lock eyes with your date, and you listen to every word. You’re both witty and fun and fun to be with. Even if it’s your first date, it seems like you’ve known each other for years.



Some dates go pretty well, and the two of you have some common interests and experiences. It’s still too early to know if this is a match made in nirvana, but you and your date are hopeful. The connection you are making seems promising.

On the other hand, there are also some dates that are disasters right from the start. When you ask, “What’s your favorite book of all time?” she replies, “I don’t like to read.” When you inquire about what she loves to do for fun, she says, “I work all the time. I don’t have time to do anything fun.”

Dating Over 50

When you are dating over 50 and you're on a date like this, you are tempted to ask her if this date is work, but you bite your tongue. It sure feels like work to you. Right at the moment, you aren’t having any fun at all.


My advice for singles, no matter how old they are, is this: If a first date crashes and burns, let it go. Cut your losses and move on. If a second or third date reveals that what you thought was the Babe of your dreams actually harbors one of the character flaws on your “deal breakers” list, move on.

When I was newly single and dating over 50 after my divorce, I was lonely and looking for companionship. I was too patient with women who just weren’t right for me. I thought that any date was better than no date.

As I grew in wisdom and confidence, I realized that some dates were a complete waste of my time. After all, I was looking for the last love of my life. So what was I doing going out with a woman who I already knew wasn’t The One for me?

Like Kenny Rogers said in his classic song, The Gambler, “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

And when a date turns into a disaster, run like hell. That's true when you are dating at 20, dating over 50, or dating at 100.

Visit middleagedbabemagnet.com for more great tips about dating and relationships from Chad Stone.

Another Dating Story Disaster?

Is it just me, or do you also love to read about the dating disaster stories of celebrities and other semi-famous people?

Hey, we're in the age of the "Reality TV Star," which means that we and our popular culture are obsessed by the "real" lives of "real" people.

It turns out that college football players fall into the category of people whose personal lives can be of tremendous interest to us. One football player in particular, Manti Te'o of Notre Dame, has made headlines for his online girlfriend--who apparently wasn't real.

There are lots of questions about what exactly happened. You can Google "Manti Te'o" and get the latest news and speculation about him, whether he knew that his "girlfriend" wasn't real, when he knew that his "girlfriend" didn't really die as was previously reported, etc.

But no matter what the truth is, Manti Te'o is in the middle of a dating disaster story. The fact that it's an online dating disaster story makes it even more titilating.

Online Dating Disasters

Talk to single men and single women, and you quickly find there's is no shortage online dating disasters. We've all heard stories of both men and women who have lied on their online dating profiles. Men lie about their age (sometimes posting a photo that’s more than 10 years old) and their height. Women lie about their age and their weight. And both genders have been known to lie about their relationship status.  

In Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by yours truly (Chad Stone!), I share the worst online dating story I ever heard. (It's on pages 244-246 if you want to read it.) But there are plenty of other online disaster stories. And those stories are what gives internet dating a bad rep.

Online Dating Tips
So, to keep you from being the victim of an internet dating disaster, I humbly share these personal tips:

1. First and foremost, don't be gullible. Sometimes cyber singles stretch the truth, and sometimes they stretch it beyond recognition. So don’t automatically believe everything you read in an online profile.

2. Some singles are smart enough to protect their "real" cell phone numbers by getting a prepaid cell phone that they use for dating. That's a pretty slick idea. With a dedicated dating phone, you won't have to give out your reall phone number to some jerk who won't take no for an answer.

3. When someone posts an online profile photo that looks too good to be true, guess what--it's probably too good to be true. Don't fall for a photo lifted from the Victoria’s Secret website. Ask for a real photo.

4. It’s too easy to hide behind the anonymity of an online profile. Set up a meet and greet date in a public place before you start falling in love. You'll get to see how truthful your new online friend has been with you.
5. Whatever you do, don't disconnect your brain and DO NOT ignore the red flags in your budding online dating relationship. Almost every online dating disaster story includes several things that should have made it pretty obvious that there were some untruths being communicated. Ignore those warning flags and your heart could get broken.

6. DO NOT make any big changing plans with an online man or women who you haven’t met in person. It's just plain stupid to agree to give money or talk about marriage with a person you haven't met yet.

There ARE Online Dating Success Stories

Be smart when searching for love in cyberspace, and you won’t fall for an online dating hoax (like Manti Te’o). There are thousands and thousands of online dating success stories, too. By staying level headed and not giving away your heart too soon, you can become one of those success stories.


Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man’s Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century.