When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Relationships are wonderful. Right? Isn’t that why we all love to be paired up with someone special? Isn’t that why millions of us who aren’t in relationships spend billions of dollars on online dating services like match.com and other matchmaking services? Isn’t that why we agonize about the relationships we’re in when things aren’t going well?



The short answer is “Yes.”



But unfortunately, sometimes relationships run their course. Some romantic relationships aren’t built to last. Or maybe they could have lasted, but we choose to give up on them instead.



So, when is the right time to end a relationship?



That’s what Mitchelon Humperdickfrankenfurter (not his real name) recently asked himself. He had been seeing Jennifer Lopez (the singer, but not the famous one) for nearly a year. Their lives had become comfortably enmeshed. They spent weekends together. They saw each other during the week. They had meet each others’ kids and parents. They were a couple.



In the past week, they became uncoupled. It was Mitch who decided it was time. He and Jenn had gone to Barbados together for 10 days in the tropics. But the trip was not all bliss, and it was clear to Mitch that his relationship with Jenn was stuck.



When I asked Mitch why he decided to have the dreaded “breakup talk” with Jenn, he said it was all about passion. He wasn’t feeling the heat, the passion in the relationship that he wanted. Sure, Jenn was nice, level-headed and dependable—but there weren’t any sparks in their relationship.



What Mitch also admitted was that there weren’t many sparks in the relationship even in the beginning—when you expect them the most. Mitch was hoping that the chemistry between them would erupt into flames over time, but that never happened.



When they got back from their vacation, he broke the news gently to Jenn. It turns out, she was feeling the same way. She wasn’t feeling any sparks for Mitch, either. So the good news was, the feelings (or lack thereof) were mutual. They collected their respective possessions from their respective houses, and they split as amicably as possible.



When is the right time to end a relationship? For Mitch and Jenn, it was when their hearts told them that they wanted more. They wanted more passion, and they were no longer to settle for anything less.



I wish them both nothing but the best, and I hope they both find lots of passion in their next relationships.

-- Chad Stone
----- For more thoughts on relationships and breakups, read my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. And check out my web page at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

Why don’t women understand men?

Why don’t women understand men? Is it because men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, as author John Gray says?




Well, sort of.



Men and women ARE hardwired differently, so men behave like men, and women behave like women. And one dramatic difference in this hardwiring is that women seem to be a lot more interested in understanding men than men are in understanding women.



Why do I say this? I got myself on an email list that offers a steady stream of dating advice for women. Along with that is a steady stream of free advice is a steady stream of offers to buy “foolproof” guides that contain magical secrets to finding men, getting them to fall in love with you and getting them to commit to you forever and ever, amen.



Here are just some of the phrases that are used in these sales pitches”



“understand any man”

“learn how to say the words that will get him to commit”

“the ultimate guide to the male mind”

“overcome frustrations with men”

“connect with a man on a deep emotional level”

“what you should never say to a man”

“the secret to getting him to love you for who you are”

“touch the primal part of his mind”

“miraculous results”

“relationships are the only source of true happiness”



Based upon the phrases used in these sales pitches, women are frustrated by men, and they want desperately to understand men. They want expert dating advice, and they are willing to pay for it. One guide that offers information about “The Respect Principle” is just 31 pages long and sells for $47. (By the way, the Respect Principle says that men would rather be respected than loved, which is, by and large, true for the majority of men.)



So women are willing to spend $47 for a short guide that helps them understand men, while men are content with $10 books that tell them how to pick up women.



Let me tell you a little secret. Men and women will never fully understand each other. Never. But that’s OK, because the differences in the sexes is what makes relationships so deliciously wonderful when they work. But the key to any relationship—and the key to understanding as much as you can about the opposite sex—is communication.



Talk to each other. Tell her what you want. Ask him how he wants to be treated. Tell her how you feel. Share with him what you love about him. Why? Because communication is the key to relationship happiness.



This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.