The Best and Worst Pickup Lines Ever (Part 1)

Single people have a fascination with pickup lines. Men are on a constant search for the best pickup line, and women are always comparing notes with other women to laugh about the worst pickup lines they've ever heard.

So I thought it was time to find out from you--and all of your single friends--if there is such a thing as THE BEST PICKUP LINE EVER. And, while we're at it, let's also find out what's THE WORST PICKUP LINE EVER.

Here in America, we love to vote. We just voted for president. That's important, for sure. But now it's time to focus that election furvor on something even more controversial than voting for president. Now it's time to vote for pickup lines. And I invite the rest of the world to join in. This vote goes beyond the imaginary lines that separate countries. This is so important that we will exclude no one. If you live anywhere on Planet Earth, you are eligible to vote in this election.

(Cue the uplifting music)

Pickup lines are a time-tested tradition in the world of men meeting women. For thousands of years, single men have been walking up to single women that they do not know and saying the magic words that might capture the favorable attention of the women.

For the first time in history, through the power of the Internet, now we can take a worldwide poll on the World Wide Web and find out, once and for all, which is The Best Pickup Line Ever and which is The Worst Pickup Line Ever.

In ROUND ONE, please vote for your favorite line and your least favorite line. Here they are:

1. Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out.

2. Hi. My name is Windows. Can I crash at your place?

3. A girl as beautiful as you shouldn't go out alone. Let me take you home.

4. If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harrass you.

To vote, simply submit a comment stating your Favorite line from the list above and your Least Favorite. Feel free to tell why you voted as you did, and feel free to submit a good or bad pickup line as a candidate for a future round of voting.

PLEASE SEND A LINK TO THIS POST TO YOUR FRIENDS AND TO EVERYONE ON THE PLANET. LET'S GIVE EVERYONE A CHANCE TO VOTE IN THIS VERY IMPORTANT ELECTION! THEN COME BACK NEXT WEEK TO VOTE IN ROUND TWO.

May the pickup lines be with you.

------------
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Please Like the book on Facebook.

How to Attract Any Woman

Let’s take a little poll right now. Raise your hands if you’re single, and you’d love to attract the perfect man or woman into your life.


That’s a lot of hands, and that’s exactly what I expected to see. If you’re single, and you haven’t totally given up on the whole dating thing (or even the belief that “I know he/she is out there, and I know we’ll meet each other when the time is right”), then you are one of those people who would be delighted to welcome a perfect lover into your life.

Which brings me to today’s topic. I’m on a lot of email lists to receive information about dating and relationships, because as an author of a book on dating, I want to see what’s being said on the topic. I recently received an email that promises to make any man an irresistible sexual animal. It begins:

IMAGINE THIS:

What if you could SAY and DO a few simple things to automatically, helplessly, irresistibly bring out the "SEXUAL ANIMAL" in ANY WOMAN YOU WANTED?

Well, get this:

You CAN--and once you know how to do it, you can take ANY woman from "just friends" to "take me home now" in a HEARTBEAT!!!

FACT IS, learn the simple secrets of what I call "Power Sexuality," and the women you dream about will start FANTASIZING ABOUT *YOU*!

Learn how to "turn on" your "Power Sexuality" right here:

www.middleagedbabemagnet.com



Ha! I added the link to my own website to see if you were paying attention. But the rest of the quote above has not been changed at all.

This “one solution fits all” approach to dating is NOT what I’m about, even though I do offer 92 Babe Magnet Rules throughout the pages of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. What I do believe is that there are many basic things that work for the majority of single men and women, but I would never tell you that there’s ONE MAGIC THING THAT WILL MAKE A WOMAN WANT YOU RIGHT NOW.

But lots of folks are looking for the easy solutions—whether it’s the one perfect thing to say or the one perfect thing to wear or the one perfect rule to follow.

The truth is, the key to dating success—whether you are a man or a woman, is to be yourself. And by that I mean, be the very best version of you that you can be. Guys, sometimes that means getting rid of all those grunge-rock flannels in your wardrobe. (Why? Because women love it when you look like you care about your appearance.)

Women, sometimes that means smiling more and wearing something besides your favorite sweats. (Why? Because men love it when you care enough about your appearance to look your best.)

Now, I’m sure that there’s some value in almost every dating advice book or dating advice package that’s out there. But please don’t think there’s one golden answer or one magic system that will suddenly take you from dweeb to Brad Pitt.

Besides, there’s already one Brad Pitt in the world. What the world really needs is exactly what the very best version of you has to offer.

This is Chad Stone, signing off for now.

 

Behind the Scenes of a TV Appearance



Chad Stone on the set of "You & Me This Morning" with hosts Melissa Forman (left) and Jeanne Sparrow (right).

 It’s 6:15 a.m. in Chicago and I am getting into a cab. “I need to go to the WCIU-TV studios on North Halsted,” I tell the driver. I feel a tiny bit like Matt Lauer, heading for his job at the Today Show—except that Matt has his own private driver and he leaves even earlier in the morning. And I am Chad Stone, who is not anywhere close to Matt Lauer’s pay grade.


But hey, I’m headed to my first TV interview to talk about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, and I’m excited and a little nervous.

The taxi driver drops me off in front of a nondescript office building and a producer escorts me into the studio. Holy Live TV, the hosts of “You & Me This Morning” are sitting on a couch chatting about something silly with thousands of viewers in Chicagoland sharing their every word. Melissa Forman and Jeanne Sparrow sit on the brightly lit set, pretending to be two best friends talking and hanging out over bagels and coffee.

What, exactly, is the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet doing here? I’m drinking bottled water and reviewing the notes I wrote for my interview. I need to make sure I’ll remember what I planned to say about how dating is like the Olympics and how a middle-aged guy like me became a self-proclaimed Babe Magnet.

A tiny microphone is clipped to my lapel. Then the producer takes me to the “Green Room” to go over my segment. I will be interviewed by the blonde TV host (Melissa Forman) while we sit at the “kitchen table” part of the set. Sounds great—just make sure I don’t look like a doofus, OK?

Back in the studio, the director sits me in a chair on the set and hands me a copy of my own book. During the “tease” for my upcoming segment, I sit under the hot lights and pretend to read my book while laughing and smiling like I’ve never seen the book before. It’s weird, but it’s TV—not real life.

During the commercial break I am escorted to my chair at the table. Melissa sits down, smiling, and introduces herself. The red light on the camera goes on, and Melissa introduces me by saying something like, “If you ever wondered what a babe magnet looks like, now you know.”

“No one ever mistook me for Brad Pitt,” I quip. “So if I can become a Babe Magnet, then anyone can become a Babe Magnet.” And that’s pretty much the point of the book. You can learn to be a good date. You can learn to be charming and a great conversationalist. You can learn what women want in a man (and if you’re a woman, you can learn what men want in a woman). This isn’t rocket science, folks. You just have to pay attention and be willing to learn.

Melissa the TV Host is clearly enjoying herself as she asks me about myself and how I came to write Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Then we go through some of the Olympic Dating Styles that I coined to describe how some singles act like dating is a major sporting event. (See the earlier Olympics post on this blog.)

My mouth is getting drier with each passing moment. It’s hard to look relaxed and natural while trying to be charming and funny on TV. Perhaps that’s why Matt Lauer, Oprah Winfrey and the other professionals get paid so much money. Fortunately, the interview ends before I completely lose the ability to form words with my cotton mouth.

The TV cameras are off, and Melissa the TV Host is flipping through my book, laughing. “Don’t switch Babes in mid stream!” she reads. “This is hilarious!” It’s too bad she didn’t read the book before our interview. Oh well.

Then I am out on the street, left to find myself a cab back to the hotel. TV is done with me—for now.

Perhaps I should call Oprah or Ellen. What do you think?

By the way, here's the link to my TV interview: Chad Stone on WCIU-TV

When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Relationships are wonderful. Right? Isn’t that why we all love to be paired up with someone special? Isn’t that why millions of us who aren’t in relationships spend billions of dollars on online dating services like match.com and other matchmaking services? Isn’t that why we agonize about the relationships we’re in when things aren’t going well?



The short answer is “Yes.”



But unfortunately, sometimes relationships run their course. Some romantic relationships aren’t built to last. Or maybe they could have lasted, but we choose to give up on them instead.



So, when is the right time to end a relationship?



That’s what Mitchelon Humperdickfrankenfurter (not his real name) recently asked himself. He had been seeing Jennifer Lopez (the singer, but not the famous one) for nearly a year. Their lives had become comfortably enmeshed. They spent weekends together. They saw each other during the week. They had meet each others’ kids and parents. They were a couple.



In the past week, they became uncoupled. It was Mitch who decided it was time. He and Jenn had gone to Barbados together for 10 days in the tropics. But the trip was not all bliss, and it was clear to Mitch that his relationship with Jenn was stuck.



When I asked Mitch why he decided to have the dreaded “breakup talk” with Jenn, he said it was all about passion. He wasn’t feeling the heat, the passion in the relationship that he wanted. Sure, Jenn was nice, level-headed and dependable—but there weren’t any sparks in their relationship.



What Mitch also admitted was that there weren’t many sparks in the relationship even in the beginning—when you expect them the most. Mitch was hoping that the chemistry between them would erupt into flames over time, but that never happened.



When they got back from their vacation, he broke the news gently to Jenn. It turns out, she was feeling the same way. She wasn’t feeling any sparks for Mitch, either. So the good news was, the feelings (or lack thereof) were mutual. They collected their respective possessions from their respective houses, and they split as amicably as possible.



When is the right time to end a relationship? For Mitch and Jenn, it was when their hearts told them that they wanted more. They wanted more passion, and they were no longer to settle for anything less.



I wish them both nothing but the best, and I hope they both find lots of passion in their next relationships.

-- Chad Stone
----- For more thoughts on relationships and breakups, read my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. And check out my web page at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

How to Win Gold ("Approved" Version)

It has come to my attention that the Olympic Committee is very protective of its copyrights, trademarks, sponsorship deals, etc. The Olympic Committee owns full rights to the words "Olympics," "Olympic Games," "olympian" and other variations. When you use any of those words in a non-approved, commercial context and you aren't McDonald's or Coca-Cola or another sponsor that has paid zillions of dollars to be associated with The Games, the Olympic Committee threatens to sue you.

Really. Even if you were to use a line such as "How to Win Gold in the Dating Olympics." Oh crap, that's the headline of my last blog post, isn't it?

OK. In an effort to show the Olympic Committee that I am not blantantly and knowingly using their trademarks for my own personal gain, I present this revised, "approved" version of my previous post.

Here goes:

How to “Win Gold” in the Ultimate Sport: Looking for Love

Santa Fe, NM— After the medals have been awarded in London, another kind of sporting event will dominate the thoughts of 99.6 million single American adults—Looking for Love

Chad Stone, author of a humorous guide to dating called Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet (available at www.amazon.com and www.middleagedbabemagnet.com), says there are many similarities between the sporting world games and modern dating.

“For many single adults, looking for love is a major event,” says Stone. “Men and women train for their dates as if they were competing in world-class sporting events, and many singles aren’t happy until they have won the equivalent of a gold medal in dating.”

According to Stone, there are seven sporting/dating styles used while Looking for Love:

Marathon Dater—A Marathon Dater goes on lots of dates. This is the “kiss a lot of frogs” approach to finding love. Sometimes, out of sheer persistence, this approach works. But sometimes Marathon Daters “hit the wall” and settle for a life of singleness.

The Sprinter—The Sprinter can’t stand to NOT have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Before his cell phone cools from the last breakup call, he is dashing off to find a replacement. When a female Sprinter finds someone she likes, she can’t wait to “cross the finish line.” We used to call a woman like this “easy.” Now we say she is behaving like a man.
Gold Medal Perfectionist—This type is great at first and second dates but never seems to find true love because he or she is holding out for the perfect partner. A Gold Medal Perfectionist is so picky that no mere mortal is ever good enough, so why bother with a third date?
The Coach—These know-it-alls freely share their vast knowledge of the opposite sex with anyone who will listen. But Coaches never take their own advice, and they rarely go out on successful dates.
Perpetual Training Mode—A female in Perpetual Training Mode faithfully reads several dating blogs and always looks great—because you know how important first impressions are. A male in Perpetual Training Mode goes to the gym a lot to work on his biceps. But all of this prep time leaves precious little time for actual dating.
Individual Medley Dater—Just like the swimmers who do four different strokes during a single race, Individual Medley Daters aren’t content to date just one person at a time. It may be fun for a while, but ultimately this type of dater gets himself into trouble when he gets the names of his dates mixed up.
Confident Competitor—The true champion in the Looking for Love competition combines the best qualities of several dating styles. Like the Gold Medal Perfectionists, they are looking for quality—but not perfection. They know that sometimes dating requires persistence. Confident Competitors finish the race at their own pace and ultimately find the man or woman of their dreams.


NOTE: I hope that the term "Win Gold" isn't also owned by the Olympic Committee. I guess if they do own it, I'll hear from their lawyers. :-(

Is Your Dog Helping Your Love Life?



This is NOT a manly man dog.



Now you have a new excuse if your love life stinks: Blame your dog.

Smart men have known for a long time that dogs can be babe magnets. The right dog, at the right place and time (such as at a park on a sunny Saturday afternoon) can be the perfect conversation starter between a single man and a single woman.

But what kind of dog is best? And what kind of dog is a buzz-kill for your love life?

Kloof, a new iPhone app for pet lovers, conducted a study of which breeds of dog might be the best babe magnet or man magnet for its owner. I’m sure we are all dying to find out the results of the survey, right?

There’s good news for women who own golden retrievers. That was the breed selected in this unscientific survey to be the number one breed to attract men. And those men are most likely to view women with golden retrievers as “girlfriend material.” Rounding out the Top Five “man magnet” dogs were Labrador retrievers, Chihuahuas, poodles and beagles.

I understand the logic of golden retrievers and labradors being man magnets. After all, those are dogs that appeal to manly men. Those are real dogs—dogs that like to chase things and bring them back to you; dogs that are way too big to sit comfortably in your lap or ride around in a pink purse. But I don’t know why Chihuahuas, poodles and beagles are man magnets. Chihuahuas and poodles are girly dogs, and beagles are the dumbest breed of dog on the planet. A beagle is dumber that a box of oatmeal.

In the babe magnet category, these breeds of dogs were ranked by women as those that would make them think most highly of the men that owned them: German shepherds, golden retrievers, Labrador retrievers, Siberian huskies and French bulldogs. According to the survey, men with German shepherds and retrievers are seen as “great dad” material, and men who own a Siberian husky are “manly.”



There are some dog breeds that transfer a negative connotation to their owners. Men say that women with a poodle or Chihuahua are likely to be “high maintenance.” And women say that men who own bulldogs, boxers and rottweilers are, shall we say, not the sharpest tools in the shed.

How does this “Dog Theory of Sexiness” actually play in the real world? Well, I have never in my life owned a “manly” dog, but I did own a girlie-man poodle when I met the lovely woman who has since become my lovely wife. Fortunately (especially for me), owning a girlie-man dog was not a deal-breaker for her. She was able to look past my poodle and see the manly man within me.

But, if you’re a guy with a poodle or other non-manly dog, now you have a great excuse if you aren’t happy with your love life. But then you’ll have to deal with the guilt trip that your dog lays on you.

Chad Stone

Author, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

(available on amazon.com)



Why don’t women understand men?

Why don’t women understand men? Is it because men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, as author John Gray says?




Well, sort of.



Men and women ARE hardwired differently, so men behave like men, and women behave like women. And one dramatic difference in this hardwiring is that women seem to be a lot more interested in understanding men than men are in understanding women.



Why do I say this? I got myself on an email list that offers a steady stream of dating advice for women. Along with that is a steady stream of free advice is a steady stream of offers to buy “foolproof” guides that contain magical secrets to finding men, getting them to fall in love with you and getting them to commit to you forever and ever, amen.



Here are just some of the phrases that are used in these sales pitches”



“understand any man”

“learn how to say the words that will get him to commit”

“the ultimate guide to the male mind”

“overcome frustrations with men”

“connect with a man on a deep emotional level”

“what you should never say to a man”

“the secret to getting him to love you for who you are”

“touch the primal part of his mind”

“miraculous results”

“relationships are the only source of true happiness”



Based upon the phrases used in these sales pitches, women are frustrated by men, and they want desperately to understand men. They want expert dating advice, and they are willing to pay for it. One guide that offers information about “The Respect Principle” is just 31 pages long and sells for $47. (By the way, the Respect Principle says that men would rather be respected than loved, which is, by and large, true for the majority of men.)



So women are willing to spend $47 for a short guide that helps them understand men, while men are content with $10 books that tell them how to pick up women.



Let me tell you a little secret. Men and women will never fully understand each other. Never. But that’s OK, because the differences in the sexes is what makes relationships so deliciously wonderful when they work. But the key to any relationship—and the key to understanding as much as you can about the opposite sex—is communication.



Talk to each other. Tell her what you want. Ask him how he wants to be treated. Tell her how you feel. Share with him what you love about him. Why? Because communication is the key to relationship happiness.



This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

After you've written a book, people start asking you questions about the topic of your book. That's because writing a book automatically makes you an expert. So, since the recent publication of my dating memoir/self-help book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I've begun receiving emails that ask me questions about dating and relationships. Plus, some men and women want to share their dating stories with me.

And I think that's pretty cool.



From time to time I'm going to share some of those questions in this blog, and I'll also share my answers. So here goes:

Dear Chad:

My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious (spending 3 or 4 nights together every week), and he's been talking a lot about moving in together. We're not engaged, and I'm worried if I move in with him he'll never feel the need to get married. What should I do? I don't want our relationship to stall out but I'm worried that he won't want to "buy the cow if he can get the milk for free."

Thanks for any insight.

Stephanie
Dear Stephanie:

I hate to break it to you, but unless you and your boyfriend are sleeping in separate bedrooms when he stays over, he's already getting the milk for free. But the decision to move in together is a big one, and It sounds like what you ultimately want is marriage. Right? So talk to him. Communication is important in every stage of a relationship, especially when BIG decisions need to be made.

Have you ever talked about the M word with him? If not, you better talk soon. Don't scare him away with an ultimatum or deadline, but make sure he knows how you feel about marriage. AND MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT. If he's one of those hard-to-pin-down, doesn't-want-to-make-a-commitment males, then you are probably not going to change him. No matter how wonderful you are.

Signed,
Chad Stone
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, available on http://www.amazon.com/.

In Praise of Women

Sometimes we need to pause, reflect and appreciate. When we're dating, sometimes we get so caught up in DATING that we forget why we're looking for that special someone in our lives. When we're in a relationship, sometimes we forget to appreciate that special someone who is ALREADY in our lives.

So, on behalf of men everywhere, I would like to take a moment to appreciate what makes women so attractive, delightful and breath-taking to men.

It is quite true that men and women are very different creatures. No one has described this difference better than John Gray in his Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of insightful books. I believe that the differences between the sexes is where the chemistry of romance is brewed.

What do I love about women? Ladies, I love your passion. I love that you can get excited over impossibly tall high-heeled shoes. I love it that you find shoes "cute." I love that you're willing to wear shoes tall enough to give you a nose bleed if you think men will find you attractive in them.

I love women because they can't walk past those "Adopt a Pet" displays in the parking lot in front of Whole Foods. While a man says, "We already have a dog," a woman says, "But look at this one-- she's so CUTE!" Women are the reason that Americans have more pets than children.

I love women because they always have something to say. Men, on the other hand, never have anything to say. When two men haven't seen each other for three months, one asks, "What's new?" The other one says, "Same old, same old," forgetting all about his brother's operation and his sister's wedding. But two women who have just returned from the restroom together can talk for hours about the mutural friend that they just discovered they had. If it wasn't for women's verbal communications skills, we men wouldn't know anything about anyone.

I love the gentle, nurturing side of women. While men are all hard edges and tough exteriors, women are soft and inviting. Women invented hugging. Women invented kissing a hurt finger to make it better. Women naturally nurture themselves, every person on the planet and the planet itself. If it weren't for women, men would have blown up the Earth a long time ago.

I love women because they encourage men to be more human. There is nothing wrong with the manly pursuits of building stuff and going into corporate battle, but without women's humanizing influence, men would never do anything but work, battle and afterwards colapse into a heap on the couch.

It's women who convince us men to go on vacations and invite the neighbors over for dinner. Women help us remember to celebrate birthdays and take better care of ourselves. Women remind us to appreciate everything we have to appreciate in our lives.

And I, for one, appreciate everything that women do. Women make life fun. And for that, I thank you all.
------------

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, which is available on amazon.com. The book has a happy ending, because Chad finds a woman to love and appreciate. And appreciate her, he does.

Talking about dating with the Broadminded Women

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Molly and Christine on the Broadminded show on Sirus XM radio. Both ladies were smart, funny and excellent interviewers. We talked about my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, and we had a great time.

It was fun to share my dating experiences with Molly and Christine, who are both currently single. They wanted to know what women are doing wrong in the dating world, and that naturally began a discussion of online dating.

I told the ladies that most women don't realized that their online dating profiles aren't about sharing, they're about selling. That's right, online dating profiles are sales brochures. And the product you're selling is yourself. (This goes for men, too.)

Instead of sharing all about your darkest inner secrets, you online profile should present your very best attributes. Start with a nice photo of yourself. Get someone who knows how to take a good photo to take some head shots of you. (And no, Molly and Christine, I am not talking about a "boudior" photo like the ones you get at the mall photo studios.) Smile, for God's sake. Look happy and friendly.

Then, when you are describing yourself, don't go off on a rant about how you know what you want and know what you're willing to put up with in a man, "so don't ask me to compromise because I won't." Does that sound like the kind of woman that a man is going to approach? No way.

Write a profile that makes you sound fun. Write a profile that makes you sound like a man can woo you and make you happy. One of the things that women simply don't understand about men is that men love to please their women. So if you sound like a woman who is cranky and impossible to please, then you might as well be spreading Man Repellent around. The men will stay away in droves.

As I told Molly and Christine on their show, I firmly believe that all of us-- no matter how old we are or what our relationship experience is-- can find love. But in order for that to happen, we've got to BELIEVE it can happen, and then we have to do everything possible to MAKE it happen.

For lots more on this topic and advice about dating, go to amazon.com and by my book. Then write to me and tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if my advice and my experience is helpful for you.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

:-)

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Back when I was newly single and just getting back into dating, I noticed that some of my single friends talked about dating as if it were a major chore. To them, going on a first date was much like going to a meeting that you’d rather not attend.

In other words, dating sounded like work.

Wait a minute, I thought. Isn’t dating supposed to be FUN? Isn’t the search for a new girlfriend (or boyfriend) supposed to be exciting? Isn’t finding the love of your life worthy of some excitement?

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with dating for too many single adults. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why they are unsuccessful at dating. They can’t find that special someone because they aren’t having fun during the search. Maybe their bad vibes are actually keeping Mr. Wonderful (or Ms. Fabulous) away.

Ladies, let me give you some friendly advice about men. We’re not all serious all of the time. Sure, we work hard at our jobs and we take our jobs seriously. But we like to have fun, too. And most of us single men go out on dates to have fun and meet lovely new women. Dates aren’t supposed to feel like work.

When we meet a sad, dour-faced woman for a date, we are not amused. We don’t go out looking for a bad time. No man ever wrote, “For a bad time call 555-1369” on a bathroom wall. Women who don’t know how to enjoy themselves don’t get asked out for a second date. If you’ve ever wondered why he didn’t call you again after your first date, maybe it’s because you weren’t any fun to be with.

Men, the same thing goes for you. If you show up for a date looking like you’d rather be somewhere else, the lovely lady you are with will not be impressed with you. If you can’t brighten her mood with an inviting smile and a good sense of humor, then you aren’t making a good impression. Women aren’t looking for a bad time, either.

So what’s the answer? Lighten up! When I began my dating adventure, I promised myself that I would have fun. In my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, available from amazon.com, I describe my journey—and I am (mostly) having a good time during the dating phase of my life. For me, meeting new women was fun and energizing.

Of course, when I went out with a woman who was too nervous to enjoy herself, or in a bad mood, or not completely over her last breakup, it wasn’t much fun. So I moved on.

Can dating success really come down to one simple thing—fun? Maybe. Not having the “fun factor” was a deal-breaker for me. A woman who didn’t seem to enjoy herself did not get a call-back from me.

So if you’re stuck in a dating rut and you can’t seem to find the next love of your life, just relax and decide to enjoy the process. Take all the pressure off. Lighten up and have a little fun.

It might make all the difference.

-----

What Do Online Profiles Reveal About Us?

Have you ever tried online dating? If you've been single in the past decade, the answer is probably yes. According to recent surveys, about 20% of couples who have recently become couples met online. Yours truly, Chad Stone, included.

R. Luke DuBois, who describes himself as a New York City-based "artist and computer programmer," wondered what our online profiles reveal about us. He analyzed profiles from 21 top dating sites and broke them into individual zip codes. Then he determined where certain words appeared more often than anywhere else.

Fascinating idea, huh?

Some of the results were fairly predicatable. The words "acting" and "vegetarian" appeared most often in Southern California. "Gay" and "grass" were popular words used in Northern California online profiles. "Mullet" was used most often in Alabama, as was "prayer." "Sox" (as in Red Sox) topped the list in the Boston area. "Casino" and "cathouse" and "gambling" were commonly used in Nevada's online profiles.

But then there were plenty of surprising and/or bizarre results in Mr. DuBois's statistics. "Marshmallow" was a popular word in Iowa-- hopefully not to describe people's bodies. "Curvy" was the big word in Louisiana, and that WAS probably used to describe female bodies. "Wet," "hard," "cougar," and "picky" were all popular in Washington State, but probably not in the same sentence. "Gal" was a popular word used to describe women in North Dakota. (I didn't know anyone still used that word.) And singles in Texas used the word "bust" more than anywhere else.

So, what can we learn from these results? Maybe that the USA is an enormous country that is far from being homogenous. Regional differences still rule-- and I think that's a very good thing.

But no matter where you are single in America, you're in good company. We're all looking for "love."

NOTE: Check back next week for info about my upcoming book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone!

What Do Singles Think About Sex and Marriage?

Single people across America have spoken, and they don’t all want to get married. The recently released Singles in America survey asked 5,541 single adults in the USA aged 21 and over about their dating habits, sexual habits and opinions about marriage.

And the survey said…

When asked, “Do you want to get married?,” 27.0 percent said No, 38.6 percent weren’t sure, and 34 percent said Yes. That’s not exactly an overwhelming vote for the institution of marriage. But it’s not a total surprise, either.

Society’s rigid beliefs about the necessity of marriage (especially the need for marriage before having sex) have softened considerably since the dawn of the Sexual Revolution in the 1960s. With the social stigma of cohabitating largely removed, many single adults—especially younger ones—are simply choosing to live together without the formality of a marriage license. Even so, the majority of younger single adults still see marriage in their futures. Among singles aged 21 to 39, 62 percent of women and 56 percent of men want to eventually get married.

So what are singles looking for in a long-term romantic partner? 13 percent of women and 7 percent of men said they “must have” a partner of the same religion. 36 percent of women and 13 percent of men must have someone who makes as much money as they do.

What were the top “deal breakers” in a possible romantic partner? In order of importance: 67 percent said having a disheveled or unclean appearance, 66 percent said laziness, 63 percent said being too needy, 54 percent said having no sense of humor, and 49 percent said living more than three hours apart. (That’s really bad news for lazy slobs who need constant reassurance, don’t think Modern Family is the funniest show on TV and live far, far way.)

The Singles in America survey also revealed that first dates are often highly sexual. More than half (55 percent) of singles said they have had sex on the first date (66 percent of men and 44 percent of women). Some experts say that the popularity of online dating is partly responsible for sexy first dates. But the time they have a first physical date, many online dating singles have exchanged plenty of emails and talked often on the phone, which may be the equivalent of three dates. So by the time they meet in person, all of this online sharing can result in highly sexually charged first dates.

And yes, online dating is a force to be reckoned with. According to the survey, 21 percent of singles met the last person they dated online—the most common way of meeting cited in the survey.

So are there any surprises in the survey results for you? What’s the biggest relationship deal-breaker for you? And what is the number one Must Have in your next significant other?

Please leave a comment, and I will share some additional thoughts about dating must-haves and deal breakers in a future post on the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog. Until then, this is Chad Stone, signing off.

p.s. Also check out my Advice for Men posts on www.datingwithoutdrama.com

Two Secrets About Men

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. But what women don’t know is that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man.

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Grace. That means a woman must keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance (lest she scare him away).

Here are some more tips on using Feminine Grace:

* Be gracious

* Communicate with your heart

* Expect him to treat you with respect and consideration

* When you behave in this way, you will be on your way to making him
feel good to be around you.


Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man. Too few women how important this secret really is. Sure, they may do this in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS of a man.

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Admittedly, most men do not realize right away what is going on when the woman starts to pick away at his manhood by criticizing him and trying to mold him into something new. But soon he realizes that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad—not wonderful. A man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But she can’t be pleased. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he's a failure?

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:


* Let him know good a man you think he is

* Let him know how considerate he is

* Let him know how smart you think he is

* Let him know strong and capable he is


Why? Because he wants to be your hero and this will tell him he is. By the way, if he isn't someone you can appreciate, then he's not the man for you.

When a man feels good whenever he's around you, then he will be drawn to you like bees to their favorite flower. Does this mean she waits on him like a servant? No. It's more a matter of appreciating him as a man.

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

-Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

Design the Cover of My New Book!

I am excited to tell you that my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, is now undergoing final editing. A big-time book editor named Floyd is now polishing each sentence and getting the manuscript ready for publication. (Go, Floyd, go!)

The book will be published as an Amazon Kindle e-book, and it will be available for downloading in March 2012. The book is a humorous memoir of my personal dating experiences. The folks who have read the manuscript have said it is "laugh-out-loud funny" and "very instructional." I know, that's a weird combination, but it's a weird and wonderful book. In some ways, it's a self-help manual for single adults, because I share Babe Magnet Rules throughout the book that give pithy advice to single men in their quest for the Babe of their dreams.


Best of all, the book has a happy ending. I really did find True Love!

So, as the book marches toward publication, I officially announce the Babe Magnet Book Cover Design Contest. That's where you come in. Create a snappy, visually appealing "book cover" for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. In addition to the title, you also have to include the author's name-- Chad Stone. Make sure everything is readable in the small online Amazon Kindle web format. Make sure your submission is an original work of art, and you own all the rights to whatever images you use. The creator of the winning book cover image will win $250 and the fame and accolades that go with designing a big-time cover for a big-time book.

Here's some important technical info:
Kindle books must have a marketing cover image provided for use on the website detail page. The preferred format for the cover is a JPEG image of 600 x 800 pixels. More specifications are available here.

The deadline for submission of book cover images is Feb. 24, 2012. Send a JPEG image of your cover design to babemagnetchad@aol.com. Write to me if you have any questions.

So please get your creative juices flowing. I look forward to seeing your book cover designs!

p.s. Please pass the word about this contest!

When Should a Man Call?

I ran into a friend of mine the other day. The last time I saw him was at a wedding, and he had struck up a conversation with a nice single woman. Things had gone so well that he had left with her phone number.

That was three months ago. He still hasn’t called her. “Do you think it’s too late to give her a call?” he asked me.

I wanted to slap him upside the head.

Yes, you clueless man, three months is too late to call. By now, she probably has forgotten who you are. And if she still remembers you, it’s only because she’s still pissed that you didn’t call.

There’s a bit a folk wisdom among single men called the Three Day Rule. According to the Three Day Rule, a man should wait three days before calling a woman after he has gotten her phone number. Men think that waiting for three days shows women that they are not desperate or needy. They think waiting three days communicates manlymanness. (That’s a word that I just made up, by the way. Sometimes manly men make up their own words.)

I used to agree with the Three Day Rule. It made me feel manly. But not anymore.

Why did I change my mind? I talked to some women, and they all told me the Three Day Rule was really stupid. In fact, it was so stupid that it must have been invented by a man.

These women told me, “If I am interested in a man, I want to hear from him. I don’t want to wait three days. If he waits for three days, then that tells me he’s not as interested in me as I am in him.”

After that, I never again waited three days to call a woman. Usually, I called the next day. And I can tell you, I never got a single complaint from a woman telling me that I called her too soon.

What do you think about the Three Day Rule? I’d like to hear your opinions—so please comment! Thanks for reading.


Signing off for now,
Chad Stone
(sometimes known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)
Also check out my Advice from Men columns on www.datingwithoutdrama.com

Getting Back Into Dating Again

I have been asked about my upcoming book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. It’s a humorous memoir about my post-divorce experience in the dating world. Throughout the book, I share dating advice, which I call Babe Magnet Rules. But it’s a difficult book to explain, so I thought I would use this blog post to share an excerpt from the book.

This chapter is from early in the book, when I had just begun my single life. Here we go:



An Excerpt from Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone
I just did something amazing. I approached a beautiful woman in public and had a nice conversation with her.

I was sitting alone at a restaurant near my apartment, eating at the counter where it’s OK to read the magazines without buying them. In walks an attractive middle-aged woman all by herself. I catch her eye as she sits at a table and then quickly surveys the room.

In the most casual, not-too-obvious way I watch her to see if anyone is going to join her. Apparently not.

All right, it’s pretty obvious that she knows I’m watching her. She takes off her denim jacket to reveal a black tank top and breasts that were not installed at the factory. They are perky and considerably younger than the rest of her body. Her hair is frosted blonde and her skin is pleasantly tanned.

She gets up from her table and walks right in front of me, pretending that she needs extra napkins RIGHT NOW before her food is delivered to her table. I watch her walk back to her table, and she looks over to make sure I’m watching her.

Nice. Very nice.

Well, we’re both checking each other out from a safe distance. Now what? I scan the restaurant again to see if anyone is going to join her.

In my youth, I was never a great pickup artist. Actually, I was never a pickup artist at all. Approaching a beautiful woman who I don’t know is not something that I have done in decades. It’s the worst, most frightening sort of cold call there is. I can make a business cold call, because I have a purpose and I have confidence in my business skills. But a cold call to pickup a beautiful woman? That’s completely out of my comfort zone.

Many years ago, I shared a bachelor pad with Pete, a friend from college who shared my appreciation for the female gender. We were both 21 or 22, single, and we had WAY more hormones than we knew what to do with.

Pete and I used to walk to the supermarket every Tuesday after work because we knew that a drop-dead gorgeous woman shopped there at the same time every week. She was tall and blonde and dressed smartly in a business jacket and a tight but not too-tight skirt. We surmised that she was a lawyer based on her attire and the businesslike precision with which she carried herself.

We used to follow her around through the store, hanging back so she wouldn’t notice us. I always felt that she was out of my league, so the closest I ever got to actually having a conversation with her was the one time I walked beside her and noticed that she had bought some fresh fish from the meat counter.

I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Finally I said, “Fish. I like fish.” She looked at me strangely, like I had just dragged myself out of the ocean and I was attempting to walk on land for the first time. I had no follow-up line, so I slinked away, dragging my tail fin behind me.

That was the first and last time I ever talked to the Lawyer Babe.

So, my history of picking up Babes is not long and impressive. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen an attractive woman that I didn’t talk to, I’d be listed right under Bill Gates in the Fortune 400 list of gadzillionaires.

Well, what the hell. I’m more than 50 years old and I’ve never heard of anyone dying from talking to a beautiful woman. Humiliated, for sure. But there is no known case of lightning bolts zapping a poor, unfortunate man who dared to talk to a woman that he didn’t know. I am quite sure that there is nothing in the Bible that specifically forbids it. There’s a commandment against adultery and against coveting thy neighbor’s wife, but there’s no commandment that says, “Thou shalt not talk to Babes.”

I have observed many Babe Magnets over the years. These studly men reek of self-confidence and never seem at a loss for words. When they see a Babe, they pounce. That’s because they know…


BABE MAGNET RULE #3
Babe Magnets always make the first move.


I take a deep breath. I’m going for it. I get up and walk to the Blonde Babe’s table.

As I walk across the restaurant, the room keeps getting larger. A little stroll that should have taken me just seconds is stretching longer and longer. After an hour I am still walking.

Then I am standing next to her and I am forced to speak.

“Excuse me, are you dining alone tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Me, too. Do you mind if I join you?”

She smiles. She has perfect white teeth that are no older than her breasts. “Not at all,” she says in a pleasing tone of voice.

I go back to the counter, grab my plate and glass, and walk them over to her table. As I set them down I say, “Well, this is kind of weird, but I didn’t want to eat alone.”

If it’s weird for her, she doesn’t admit it. We start talking. Her name is Laura. She is a zookeeper. In my entire life, I’ve never met a real zookeeper. Her job gives us lots to talk about, and I ask her a lot of questions because I’m genuinely interested. I feel a little like the late Mr. Rogers, asking the zookeeper about all of the fascinating things she does because it needs to fill a whole segment of his show.

Laura takes care of the large, hoofed animals—everything from rhinos to antelopes. From what she says it’s a bizarre and wonderful job. She even taught the rhinos to stand on a huge scale. It took a whole year of work, but she did it. That’s the kind of story that would make a great quirky item on the local news.

But while I am talking to her, my mind is filling with inappropriate questions:

“Do you ever use whips at work? How about at home?”

“What’s the biggest snake you’ve ever gotten your hands on?”

“What do you do with the peacock feathers you find?”

“How many times have guys used a ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ line on you?”

“How often do zoo animals have sex?”

I have to focus really hard on our conversation to make all of the wild-animals-having-sex images leave my head.

I tell her a little bit about me and my work. It’s not as exciting as two massive rhinos going at it, but Laura seems mildly interested.

We talk for a while, and I find my eyes glancing at different parts of her body. Her arms are well toned and she is clearly vain enough to take pride in her body. And there are those wonderful, young perky breasts just waiting for a chance to breathe fresh air. Breasts must really hate to be trapped in bras all day where they can’t see the light of day.

How old is she? Somewhere in her early 50s. She has two kids, ages 33 and 31. If she had the first child when she was 18, she’d be 51 now.

She tells me that she’s expecting a friend to join her. I assume that it’s a female friend. I am dead wrong. Carl, a nice-looking bearded man, arrives and suddenly I go from feeling confident to feeling like I have invaded another man’s territory. Crap.

“We were both dining alone and decided to sit together,” I explain.

Carl is very gracious— probably more gracious than I would be in his situation.

The conversation at the table dies. It’s an awkward moment. Carl gets up to go back to the counter to order food, and I get up to find a take-out box to pack up what’s left of my fish and chips.

Laura and I chit-chat lightly while I package my food to go. I say “nice meeting you” and I leave them to their regularly scheduled rendezvous.

I didn’t get Laura’s last name or phone number, so there is no way for me to contact her again.

I think about her later in the evening when I’m back in my bachelor apartment. We had a pleasant conversation, but we didn’t spend enough time together to know if there could have been any magic between us.

It’s not like I closed the deal, but I made my first Babe Cold Call, and I feel good. I am proud of myself for having the guts to get up from my comfortable spot in the restaurant and join her. I actually approached a beautiful woman and proved that I could have a pleasant conversation. Sure, I bolted when her male friend showed up, but I still made first contact.

For the first time as a newly single man, I feel like I am going to do just fine in this brave new world of meeting new women.

Why Won’t Men Commit to a Relationship?

A study called “Why Men Won’t Commit: Exploring Young Men’s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage” examined the state of marriage in America from the male perspective. The study surveyed 60 single men between the ages of 25 to 33 northern New Jersey, Chicago, Washington, D.C. and Houston.

Researchers explored men’s attitudes on sex, dating, meeting women, living together, marrying a soul mate, the timing of marriage, social pressures to marry, divorce, desire for children and more.

According to the study, here are some of the reasons that young men are not committing to marriage:

• They are more willing to live together than marry.
• They can get sex without marriage.
• They want to avoid the financial fall-out of divorce.
• They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
• They want to delay having children.
• They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
• They are waiting for the perfect soul mate.
• They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.
• They want to own a house before they get a wife.

One of the things that this study revealed was that—unlike in earlier decades— there are no big social pressures on men to marry. As a result, men are delaying marriage. In 1960, half of all single men were married by 25 and the rest followed shortly thereafter. Today, the median age of a first marriage for men is 27. For college-educated men, it’s a year or two later—about age 29.

Here in the 21st century, anyone paying attention already knows that women are living with their boyfriends before they decide to get married. That way, both parties can see if they are compatible together. Experts say that half of all these live-in relationships eventually turn into marriages.

I think it is this new trend toward cohabitating that makes it SEEM like men are not willing to commit to a relationship. In fact, they ARE willing to commit to a relationship, it’s just that many men don’t see any benefits in turning their live-in girlfriends into wives. (Like Granddad always said, why buy the cow when you are already getting the milk for free.)

What do you think?