Online Dating Goes Mobile: There’s an App for That

 

Online dating and looking for love online has definitely gone mainstream. According to a Pew Internet study, 11% of American adults have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps while looking for love. Among those adults who are “single and looking,” the figure jumps to 38% who have gone online or used mobile apps to help them find a romantic partner. (Interestingly, another 10% who are “single and not looking” have also used online dating sites and apps. They must be window shopping.)

 

The study about online dating and mobile dating apps is fascinating in its scope and detail. You can read more about it here:

http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2013/Online-Dating/Main-Report/Part-2.aspx

 

I’ve covered online dating in previous posts. This time we’re going to look at mobile phone dating apps that turn smart phones into a whole new way to meet up. (Thanks to www.CassandraDaily.com for bringing these to my attention.)

 

Twine

Let’s face it, most dating sites and apps encourage users to make judgments about people based almost exclusively on a profile photo. (A photo is the first thing you see until you click to see a person’s profile.)  But an app called Twine blurs a person’s profile at first, so it forces users to evaluate possible Cupid connections based only on personality info. Twine syncs up with the Facebook profiles of users to create a more secure environment. The app provides up to three potential matches every day. Users of Twine can see each other’s age, location, a compatibility meter, and their mutual interests (and that blurry profile photo), which the app uses to suggest conversation topics. You can chat anonymously for a while. Then, if both of you agree to see each other’s clear photos and first names, bingo—all is revealed.

 

Twine blurs a person's profile photo at first to encourage you to focus on their personality and interests.

 

Anomo

Like Twine, Anomo is a popular dating app that hides the users’ profile pictures until they choose to share them. So instead of photos, in the beginning people only see a cartoon avatar. They also see a username, gender, age group (verified by Facebook), location, and interests. To get things going, the app suggests games to break the ice and help find potential matches. To make it more fun, Anomo lets you chat one-on-one (using 540 characters or less), invite people to play the games with them, and check into locations. As time progresses, users can unlock personal content including their names, pictures, and occupations. Anomo was originally launched as a dating app, but it has also gained additional traction as a way for people to make friends and connect professionally.

 

Tinder

Tinder might just be the perfect dating app for single people who suffer from a fear of rejection. It was launched to connect people anonymously based on their locations and their personal preferences. For whatever reason—who really knows why some apps and some websites catch fire, Tinder has exploded in popularity. Already more than 35 million people have created profiles and more than 1 million matches have been made. One reason it has caught on so quickly is because the app links to users’ Facebook accounts. This gives Tinder the power to suggest possible matches based on Facebook friends and interests. To address privacy concerns, members remain anonymous until they both indicate a mutual “Like.”

The Tinder mobile app already has 35 million registered users. Love is calling!

 

 

What does it all mean?

So I guess the moral of this story is this: as long as there are single people, there will be no shortage of ways to connect with them, meet them, and fall in love. Take it from yours truly, Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. I found my wife online, so I can tell you that technology can be a wonderful thing when you’re looking for your soul mate.

 

Please connect with me at www.facebook.com/ConfessionsofaMiddleAgedBabeMagnet for my daily thoughts and discoveries about life, dating and relationships.

 

Another Dating Story Disaster?

Is it just me, or do you also love to read about the dating disaster stories of celebrities and other semi-famous people?

Hey, we're in the age of the "Reality TV Star," which means that we and our popular culture are obsessed by the "real" lives of "real" people.

It turns out that college football players fall into the category of people whose personal lives can be of tremendous interest to us. One football player in particular, Manti Te'o of Notre Dame, has made headlines for his online girlfriend--who apparently wasn't real.

There are lots of questions about what exactly happened. You can Google "Manti Te'o" and get the latest news and speculation about him, whether he knew that his "girlfriend" wasn't real, when he knew that his "girlfriend" didn't really die as was previously reported, etc.

But no matter what the truth is, Manti Te'o is in the middle of a dating disaster story. The fact that it's an online dating disaster story makes it even more titilating.

Online Dating Disasters

Talk to single men and single women, and you quickly find there's is no shortage online dating disasters. We've all heard stories of both men and women who have lied on their online dating profiles. Men lie about their age (sometimes posting a photo that’s more than 10 years old) and their height. Women lie about their age and their weight. And both genders have been known to lie about their relationship status.  

In Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by yours truly (Chad Stone!), I share the worst online dating story I ever heard. (It's on pages 244-246 if you want to read it.) But there are plenty of other online disaster stories. And those stories are what gives internet dating a bad rep.

Online Dating Tips
So, to keep you from being the victim of an internet dating disaster, I humbly share these personal tips:

1. First and foremost, don't be gullible. Sometimes cyber singles stretch the truth, and sometimes they stretch it beyond recognition. So don’t automatically believe everything you read in an online profile.

2. Some singles are smart enough to protect their "real" cell phone numbers by getting a prepaid cell phone that they use for dating. That's a pretty slick idea. With a dedicated dating phone, you won't have to give out your reall phone number to some jerk who won't take no for an answer.

3. When someone posts an online profile photo that looks too good to be true, guess what--it's probably too good to be true. Don't fall for a photo lifted from the Victoria’s Secret website. Ask for a real photo.

4. It’s too easy to hide behind the anonymity of an online profile. Set up a meet and greet date in a public place before you start falling in love. You'll get to see how truthful your new online friend has been with you.
5. Whatever you do, don't disconnect your brain and DO NOT ignore the red flags in your budding online dating relationship. Almost every online dating disaster story includes several things that should have made it pretty obvious that there were some untruths being communicated. Ignore those warning flags and your heart could get broken.

6. DO NOT make any big changing plans with an online man or women who you haven’t met in person. It's just plain stupid to agree to give money or talk about marriage with a person you haven't met yet.

There ARE Online Dating Success Stories

Be smart when searching for love in cyberspace, and you won’t fall for an online dating hoax (like Manti Te’o). There are thousands and thousands of online dating success stories, too. By staying level headed and not giving away your heart too soon, you can become one of those success stories.


Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man’s Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century.

AARP Enters Online Dating Over 50 Marketplace

I read with great interest the recent announcement that AARP, the huge organization comprised of American senior citizens, has now officially entered the online dating over 50 world.

The organization has launched the AARP Dating website, which gives single adults over the age of 50 a place to meet—and hopefully connect and fall in love. Yep, AARP is getting into the online dating business.

“More and more 50-plus singles are using Internet dating sites, and we want to provide a comfortable environment for them to get out and take a chance on love again or go on fun dates,” said Myrna Blyth, editorial director of AARP’s media division.

Although it sounds like a logical move for AARP, to yours truly, Chad Stone the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, it’s a surprising announcement. In the past, AARP hasn’t paid much attention to single Americans who fall into the “dating over 50” demographic. Furthermore, AARP takes itself very seriously. I have sent several editors at AARP the Magazine copies of my humorous memoir, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man’s Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. They have ignored the book, probably because it’s too much fun and it doesn’t fit into the money-centric focus of the organization.

That’s too bad, because there are lots of AARP members who are dating over 50 years old—and they are probably as clueless as I was when I started my dating after divorce adventure. Those folks could benefit from the lessons I learned and the hard-won dating wisdom that I acquired about everything from online dating to how to have a great first date.

I wanted to learn more about the AARP’s Internet dating site, so I visited. www.AARPDating.com. My web browser redirected me to www.humpbackjunk.com. This site offers a “Full-service local junk removal” service. (I am not making this up. Really.) So the poor, unsuspecting over 50 singles who type in www.AARPDating.com get the not-so-subtle message that they are not only over the hill, but they are junk to be hauled away.

Sorry, but that sounds like an episode of The Simpsons to me.

I re-read the AARP news release and discovered that AARP Dating was a “new dating content channel” on www.aarp.org, so I went there. Sure enough, the dating link was right at the top of the site. (But the image of the “full-service local junk removal” service still lingered.)

The introductory story gave a short overview of the new dating over 50 service. Basically, it sounds a lot like match.com. You’re allowed to poke around for a while, but to communicate with another member you need to sign up for a subscription. It’s $17.50 for one month for AARP members or $53.94 for one year for AARP members. If you’re an AARP member, you can also get a seven-day free trial.

I’ll post a more extensive review of the site in the future. But for now, let me officially welcome AARP into online dating. I hope they don’t try to be so serious about AARP Dating that they totally mess it up. After all, looking for the love of your life—no matter how young or old you are—should be fun!

Has Online Dating Gone Too Far?

Have you noticed how comfortable people are with the online world? Communicating with friends via text and Facebook, and with potential dates via online dating sites (such as Match.com, Cupid.com, eHarmony.com, etc.) now feels completely natural.

But maybe the whole online communication thing has gone too far. A recent study by the Performics marketing firm found that 40% of Americans said they felt more comfortable communicating with people online (or via a device) than in person. Almost half—49%--would rather text than call, and 30% would rather connect with their closest friends by using Facebook and other social media sites than by calling or talking in person.

Online Dating Advice

WTF?—as I might respond in a text. We’ve become a nation of people who are more comfortable gazing at a tiny video screen and punching in a message with our thumbs than engrossed in a friendly, face-to-face conversation.

Another survey by Forrester says that 38% of online adults in the USA can be defined as “always accessible.” You can always reach them online or via their mobile phone! In addition, a large percentage of those who are not always accessible are so connected that they access the internet multiple times per day from multiple locations.

What’s going on here? Have we forgotten how to talk to each other? The short answer is: Yes. So if I were to summarize all of this in a piece of online dating advice, I would say this: give all of those electronic devices a rest.

Be Smarter than Your Phone

Now let me say that I am not anti-technology. I love my smart phone. I’m not sure how I could live without it. I love to use it to check sports scores and emails. And I  love using it as a phone—you know, to actually talk to someone. Sending emails and text messages and Facebook posts is a fine way to send little bits of information and send cute pictures of cats. But when you really want to communicate, you need to talk to the other person.

Am I sounding old-fashioned here? Maybe. Probably. But I’m right about this, dammit. Anyone who has read my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, is not going to be surprised to hear me say this. I’ve even got a Babe Magnet Rule about this. (You can look it up.)

Four Things You Should Never Do by Text

I feel strongly about this, so I’ve put together a short list of expert dating advice about using texts, emails and other electronic media. Here are four things you, as a single person in the dating world, should never do via text:

1. Ask someone out on a date. Men, don’t be a weenie. Call the woman up and talk with her and make her feel desirable. She will love you for it.

2. Cancel a date. Any kind of date—one that resulted from an online dating site or one that was the result of meeting someone in person. This is good advice for both men and women. If you need to cancel, make a phone call. Using a text message to cancel is the easy way out. Talking directly with the person shows the strength of your character.

3. Saying anything important. Can you imagine a world in which a man tells a woman “I Love You” for the first time via text? God, I hope not.

4. Breaking up. I have been on the receiving end of breakup emails. I know people who have sent and received breakup text messages. I think this is a chickensh*t thing to do. Sure, it’s easier. But man-up and give the woman a call. Show a little courage and integrity.

I am sure there are hundreds of other instances when talking to someone is better than sending a short, cold, impersonal text message. Please comment on this post with one kind of communication you think should NEVER be done via a text message.

Remember why they call that device in your pocket or purse a cell phone. It was designed to be used for talking to other people. Give the text function a rest and make a phone call. Better still, use the phone call to set up a face-to-face meeting. 

That’s what a date is, people. Face-to-face and in person. That’s when the chemistry happens. Chemistry NEVER EVER happens during a text message. Think about that the next time you’re about to send a text.

Behind the Scenes of a TV Appearance



Chad Stone on the set of "You & Me This Morning" with hosts Melissa Forman (left) and Jeanne Sparrow (right).

 It’s 6:15 a.m. in Chicago and I am getting into a cab. “I need to go to the WCIU-TV studios on North Halsted,” I tell the driver. I feel a tiny bit like Matt Lauer, heading for his job at the Today Show—except that Matt has his own private driver and he leaves even earlier in the morning. And I am Chad Stone, who is not anywhere close to Matt Lauer’s pay grade.


But hey, I’m headed to my first TV interview to talk about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, and I’m excited and a little nervous.

The taxi driver drops me off in front of a nondescript office building and a producer escorts me into the studio. Holy Live TV, the hosts of “You & Me This Morning” are sitting on a couch chatting about something silly with thousands of viewers in Chicagoland sharing their every word. Melissa Forman and Jeanne Sparrow sit on the brightly lit set, pretending to be two best friends talking and hanging out over bagels and coffee.

What, exactly, is the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet doing here? I’m drinking bottled water and reviewing the notes I wrote for my interview. I need to make sure I’ll remember what I planned to say about how dating is like the Olympics and how a middle-aged guy like me became a self-proclaimed Babe Magnet.

A tiny microphone is clipped to my lapel. Then the producer takes me to the “Green Room” to go over my segment. I will be interviewed by the blonde TV host (Melissa Forman) while we sit at the “kitchen table” part of the set. Sounds great—just make sure I don’t look like a doofus, OK?

Back in the studio, the director sits me in a chair on the set and hands me a copy of my own book. During the “tease” for my upcoming segment, I sit under the hot lights and pretend to read my book while laughing and smiling like I’ve never seen the book before. It’s weird, but it’s TV—not real life.

During the commercial break I am escorted to my chair at the table. Melissa sits down, smiling, and introduces herself. The red light on the camera goes on, and Melissa introduces me by saying something like, “If you ever wondered what a babe magnet looks like, now you know.”

“No one ever mistook me for Brad Pitt,” I quip. “So if I can become a Babe Magnet, then anyone can become a Babe Magnet.” And that’s pretty much the point of the book. You can learn to be a good date. You can learn to be charming and a great conversationalist. You can learn what women want in a man (and if you’re a woman, you can learn what men want in a woman). This isn’t rocket science, folks. You just have to pay attention and be willing to learn.

Melissa the TV Host is clearly enjoying herself as she asks me about myself and how I came to write Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Then we go through some of the Olympic Dating Styles that I coined to describe how some singles act like dating is a major sporting event. (See the earlier Olympics post on this blog.)

My mouth is getting drier with each passing moment. It’s hard to look relaxed and natural while trying to be charming and funny on TV. Perhaps that’s why Matt Lauer, Oprah Winfrey and the other professionals get paid so much money. Fortunately, the interview ends before I completely lose the ability to form words with my cotton mouth.

The TV cameras are off, and Melissa the TV Host is flipping through my book, laughing. “Don’t switch Babes in mid stream!” she reads. “This is hilarious!” It’s too bad she didn’t read the book before our interview. Oh well.

Then I am out on the street, left to find myself a cab back to the hotel. TV is done with me—for now.

Perhaps I should call Oprah or Ellen. What do you think?

By the way, here's the link to my TV interview: Chad Stone on WCIU-TV

When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Relationships are wonderful. Right? Isn’t that why we all love to be paired up with someone special? Isn’t that why millions of us who aren’t in relationships spend billions of dollars on online dating services like match.com and other matchmaking services? Isn’t that why we agonize about the relationships we’re in when things aren’t going well?



The short answer is “Yes.”



But unfortunately, sometimes relationships run their course. Some romantic relationships aren’t built to last. Or maybe they could have lasted, but we choose to give up on them instead.



So, when is the right time to end a relationship?



That’s what Mitchelon Humperdickfrankenfurter (not his real name) recently asked himself. He had been seeing Jennifer Lopez (the singer, but not the famous one) for nearly a year. Their lives had become comfortably enmeshed. They spent weekends together. They saw each other during the week. They had meet each others’ kids and parents. They were a couple.



In the past week, they became uncoupled. It was Mitch who decided it was time. He and Jenn had gone to Barbados together for 10 days in the tropics. But the trip was not all bliss, and it was clear to Mitch that his relationship with Jenn was stuck.



When I asked Mitch why he decided to have the dreaded “breakup talk” with Jenn, he said it was all about passion. He wasn’t feeling the heat, the passion in the relationship that he wanted. Sure, Jenn was nice, level-headed and dependable—but there weren’t any sparks in their relationship.



What Mitch also admitted was that there weren’t many sparks in the relationship even in the beginning—when you expect them the most. Mitch was hoping that the chemistry between them would erupt into flames over time, but that never happened.



When they got back from their vacation, he broke the news gently to Jenn. It turns out, she was feeling the same way. She wasn’t feeling any sparks for Mitch, either. So the good news was, the feelings (or lack thereof) were mutual. They collected their respective possessions from their respective houses, and they split as amicably as possible.



When is the right time to end a relationship? For Mitch and Jenn, it was when their hearts told them that they wanted more. They wanted more passion, and they were no longer to settle for anything less.



I wish them both nothing but the best, and I hope they both find lots of passion in their next relationships.

-- Chad Stone
----- For more thoughts on relationships and breakups, read my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. And check out my web page at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

New Book: Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

I am delighted to announce that my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, is now available from Amazon.com!

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the almost completely true story of one man's brave adventure into dating again in the 21st Century. The hero (me!) jumps headfirst into the dating pool with the goal of becoming a self-professed Babe Magnet. The story unfolds as a humorous memoir that’s also an insightful dating and relationship guide for men of all ages. For women, the book offers a unique, unvarnished look into the mind of a real man—revealing how a single man thinks and why he behaves as he does.


Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is a journey of modern self-discovery that is laugh-out-loud funny in some places and poignantly tender in others. Fascinating, funny and heartfelt, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is proof that love is possible at any age— as long as you’re willing to embrace it.

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is available from the Kindle Store on amazon.com for the low introductory price of $4.95. Just click here to buy it.

What Do Online Profiles Reveal About Us?

Have you ever tried online dating? If you've been single in the past decade, the answer is probably yes. According to recent surveys, about 20% of couples who have recently become couples met online. Yours truly, Chad Stone, included.

R. Luke DuBois, who describes himself as a New York City-based "artist and computer programmer," wondered what our online profiles reveal about us. He analyzed profiles from 21 top dating sites and broke them into individual zip codes. Then he determined where certain words appeared more often than anywhere else.

Fascinating idea, huh?

Some of the results were fairly predicatable. The words "acting" and "vegetarian" appeared most often in Southern California. "Gay" and "grass" were popular words used in Northern California online profiles. "Mullet" was used most often in Alabama, as was "prayer." "Sox" (as in Red Sox) topped the list in the Boston area. "Casino" and "cathouse" and "gambling" were commonly used in Nevada's online profiles.

But then there were plenty of surprising and/or bizarre results in Mr. DuBois's statistics. "Marshmallow" was a popular word in Iowa-- hopefully not to describe people's bodies. "Curvy" was the big word in Louisiana, and that WAS probably used to describe female bodies. "Wet," "hard," "cougar," and "picky" were all popular in Washington State, but probably not in the same sentence. "Gal" was a popular word used to describe women in North Dakota. (I didn't know anyone still used that word.) And singles in Texas used the word "bust" more than anywhere else.

So, what can we learn from these results? Maybe that the USA is an enormous country that is far from being homogenous. Regional differences still rule-- and I think that's a very good thing.

But no matter where you are single in America, you're in good company. We're all looking for "love."

NOTE: Check back next week for info about my upcoming book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone!

Dating Success Story!

Good news, fellow daters. I am now a dating success story. My wonderful girlfriend (who I met on match.com) has agreed to marry me! So you can now call me a dating success story.

Consequently, I am now going to change the focus of this blog. I am going to share some insights on the dating process. I am going to share what worked for me--and what has worked for others. I am going to explore the adventure of middle-aged dating from the perspective of how to succeed.

My goal in dating (online or otherwise) was always to find the love of my life. I assume that your goal is also to find the love of your life. So feel free to ask questions. Feel free to make comments. I will try to pass along my dating wisdom, my relationship advice, and whatever words of encouragement that I can provide. Not that I know everything. But I have learned a few things about male-female relationships, and I'm a very good listener.

Remember always that life is an adventure. There is humor to be found throughout our adventures. Just keep your eyes open, your heart open, and look for the best in people. If you look for love, you will find it.

A Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Apology

I have been informed by a woman whose opinion I value greatly that my last post sucked. She said it was crass and an insult to women. She was offended by it.

OK. I have my Big Boy Boxers on and I can take a little criticism. I freely admit that the last post was deliberately over the top. I went over the line in an attempt to be funny. I included material that wasn’t true because it was meant as a joke. As I have learned over the years, funny is often in the eyes of the beholder.

Sometimes it comes back to bite you in the butt. Like now.

This is, by the way, why I would never make it as a politician. It wouldn’t take long for me to put my foot in my mouth and cause a scandal of global proportions.

So let’s take a moment to review the last post. The part about me receiving an email from eHarmony? It was a total fabrication. I repeated the text of a forwarded email that I received. I thought it was funny, in a crass, over-the-top, juvenile male way.

Women do not share this sense of humor. Consequently, I won’t be including any more of it in this blog.

Men, if you want to read sexually explicit jokes, you’re just going to have to go somewhere else. Sorry.

I was also “called on the carpet” for suggesting that online dating was for losers. (Actually, I quoted a female friend who told me that SHE THOUGHT online dating was for losers.)

Well, I don’t agree with her. As I said earlier, if she’s right then I’M A LOSER, TOO. She is entitled to her opinion, but I happen to think that online dating is a wonderful resource. What a great way to quickly peruse profiles of dozens of local single people in your local area. When used intelligently, online dating sites are a great way to get to know people you might not otherwise ever meet. Online dating is fabulous invention, and I have used it successfully myself.

And, no, I do not really think that women who use online dating sites are “loose.” That was also an attempt at a joke.

So, ladies, please do not be any more offended than you need to be. I meant it all in fun. I know that dating is tough enough without having to deal with male a-holes, but sometimes we (including me) just can’t help ourselves.

Hey, did you hear the one about the priest and the blind prostitute?

Oh, wait. Nevermind.