The Worst Pickup Lines Ever



Do pickup lines really work?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
The key is in the delivery.

 I’ve been having fun looking for the worst pickup lines ever. You know how guys are always looking for the magic words that will open a woman’s heart—or at least get her to talk to him?

Well, there are some bad lines out there. I’m talking about really bad lines.

Groaners. Lines that are downright embarrassing. Lines that no human being should utter.

Ever.

How bad? Well, check out the pickup lines below.

The Best of the Bad Pickup Lines

(In other words, these are really bad.)

Is this your first time on this planet?

I know you’re a complete stranger, but I’d gladly waste one of my Spotify invitations on you. Give me your number and I’ll throw in a Google+ invite. I’d put you in my ‘Babe’ Circle.

As of now, my mother doesn’t have a Facebook account so, if we were to take this thing to the next level, you wouldn’t have to worry about rejecting her inappropriate Family Request.

You must be low density lipoprotein cholesterol because you just stopped my heart.

Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and the friction during re-entry must have been really high.
Should I call you for breakfast or just nudge you?

'Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy.

Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Can I borrow a quarter? My mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

You're like a compass: without you, I'd be lost.

Are your pants made of Windex? Cause, baby, I can see myself in them.

I hope you know CPR, baby, cause when you walked into the room, my heart stopped beating.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Am I dead? Because I think I just met an angel.

I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.

Are you a Kleptomaniac? Because you just stole my heart.

Bad Pickup Lines That Might Actually Work

Hi. My name is Windows. Can I crash at your place?

How about we slip into something more comfortable... like some Star Trek Voyager pajamas at my apartment!

I wish I was your math homework because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.

Haven't we met in World of Warcraft?

Hi. Is your name Google? Because you have everything that I am searching for.

No matter how many times I travel back in time to this moment I always get nervous about talking to you

I'd bet you dinner that you won't go to dinner with me.

I'm an organ donor. Need anything?


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Thanks to the users of Quora.com for most of these horrible pickup lines! If you’d like to read more about pickup lines—and why they sometimes work and sometime don’t—get a copy of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone. You can also visit my website at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

The Best and Worst Pickup Lines Ever (Part 1)

Single people have a fascination with pickup lines. Men are on a constant search for the best pickup line, and women are always comparing notes with other women to laugh about the worst pickup lines they've ever heard.

So I thought it was time to find out from you--and all of your single friends--if there is such a thing as THE BEST PICKUP LINE EVER. And, while we're at it, let's also find out what's THE WORST PICKUP LINE EVER.

Here in America, we love to vote. We just voted for president. That's important, for sure. But now it's time to focus that election furvor on something even more controversial than voting for president. Now it's time to vote for pickup lines. And I invite the rest of the world to join in. This vote goes beyond the imaginary lines that separate countries. This is so important that we will exclude no one. If you live anywhere on Planet Earth, you are eligible to vote in this election.

(Cue the uplifting music)

Pickup lines are a time-tested tradition in the world of men meeting women. For thousands of years, single men have been walking up to single women that they do not know and saying the magic words that might capture the favorable attention of the women.

For the first time in history, through the power of the Internet, now we can take a worldwide poll on the World Wide Web and find out, once and for all, which is The Best Pickup Line Ever and which is The Worst Pickup Line Ever.

In ROUND ONE, please vote for your favorite line and your least favorite line. Here they are:

1. Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out.

2. Hi. My name is Windows. Can I crash at your place?

3. A girl as beautiful as you shouldn't go out alone. Let me take you home.

4. If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harrass you.

To vote, simply submit a comment stating your Favorite line from the list above and your Least Favorite. Feel free to tell why you voted as you did, and feel free to submit a good or bad pickup line as a candidate for a future round of voting.

PLEASE SEND A LINK TO THIS POST TO YOUR FRIENDS AND TO EVERYONE ON THE PLANET. LET'S GIVE EVERYONE A CHANCE TO VOTE IN THIS VERY IMPORTANT ELECTION! THEN COME BACK NEXT WEEK TO VOTE IN ROUND TWO.

May the pickup lines be with you.

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Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Please Like the book on Facebook.