New Year’s Resolutions: A New Year Brings New Opportunities for Happiness

The beginning of a New Year is traditionally the time when we make New Year’s resolutions. Of course, you can make resolutions, set goals, and vow to improve yourself at any time of the year. But when the calendar page turns to a new year, that’s when most of us take time to reflect on the year just finished and consider what we can do to make the coming New Year even better.

With that in mind, I thought I would share my New Year’s resolutions for 2014—and beyond. Perhaps they will give you an idea of something you’d like to do to make your new year brighter.

New Year’s Resolution #1: Be happy, and seek happiness in everything I do

Every day is full of opportunities to be happy, but sometimes we forget how much we have to be happy about. This year I will seek and recognize happiness in even little things. This year I promise to wake up with a happy thought. I will take a moment to be happy to be waking up in a warm, comfortable bed. I will ponder at least one happy moment to look forward to that day. I will appreciate my first meal of the day, and the clothes I am wearing. I will appreciate the sun on clear days and the clouds on rainy days. I will especially be joyful and thankful for my loving family and friends. I have a lot to be thankful for, and the natural result of gratitude is happiness.

 

New Year’s Resolution #2: Enjoy the small moments

It’s easy to enjoy the big moments of life—the birth of a child or grandchild, the triumph of a new job or promotion, the thrill of a major vacation. But what about the small everyday moments? There can be great joy in a sunset, in the first morning cup of coffee, in receiving a friendly email or Facebook message that you didn’t expect. This year I promise to enjoy the small moments that happen throughout the day—every day.

 

New Year’s Resolution #3: Be more friendly, and be a better friend

This year I will be the first to introduce myself to a stranger at a party or a business event. I will be the one with the smile on my face and the outstretched hand, welcoming a newcomer who is standing alone by himself. I will look for new opportunities to make new friends, and I will be more friendly to those people who I already consider my friends.

 

New Year’s Resolution #4: Cut myself a little slack.

Most of us are too hard on ourselves. I am certainly more critical of myself than I am of other people, and I expect more of myself than I do of anyone else. So instead of trying to walk on water, I promise to be content with walking through the puddles. I don’t have to be perfect at everything I do. I don’t have to beat myself up about every little mistake I make. I am going to cut myself a little slack and not sweat the small stuff. I’ll bet this goes a long way toward making every day happier. (See New Year’s resolution #1)

 

New Year’s Resolution #5: Look for the positive

This year I am going to do a better job of looking for silver linings. When that work project that I bid on doesn’t come through, I will tell myself that a better offer is on its way. When a friend disappoints me by being unavailable for lunch, I will take that as an opportunity to call someone else who I haven’t talked to in a while. When my kids don’t return my calls, I will be thankful that their lives are blessedly busy—and I will call them again with a smile on my face.  Our attitude about the things that happen every day has a major impact on our life experience, so I am going to make sure that my attitude is as positive as possible.

 

One of the things I learned while writing Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet was that we are all responsible for our own happiness.

New Year’s Resolution #6: Practice random acts of kindness

I am going to do some nice things for people for no particular reason. I have never in my life paid for the guy’s order behind me in the Starbucks drive-through. Well, this year I am going to randomly do some nice things for people I don’t know—as well as for people that I do know. I am going to give a meal to a homeless person. I am going to take magazines to a nursing home or hospital waiting room. I will support inspirational websites like www.kheavensent.com. And I won’t expect anything in return. The warm feeling in my heart and the hope that I might inspire someone else to practice a random act of kindness will be all the reward I need.

 

How about you? What are you going to do to ensure that this next year is better than the one before?

 

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Like his Facebook page!

 

 

Two secrets women need to know about men

 

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. That’s because men can be clueless—and that’s no big secret. (I am a man, and I can say this in all honesty.) But I’ll let you in on a little secret women need to know about men. Many women don’t know that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

 

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man. I call these the two secrets that women need to know about men in order to attract the right man—and keep him interested.

Is LOVE in the cards for you? It can be--but only if you know the rules of the game.

 

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Ways

What does it mean for a woman to use her feminine ways? It means simply this: most men can’t handle a woman’s emotional power. Women must realize that their emotions are too powerful a force for most men to understand. This emotional power shorts out a man’s brain circuits and sends him running for cover.

 

As a result, a woman needs to keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance. Truly, the power of a woman’s emotions is more than a man can handle. His mind is hardwired for logic and problem solving. Men don’t understand emotions and process life through their emotions the way women do.   

 

The answer for women? Learn to regulate your feminine power with feminine grace. Outsmart him by giving him just what his ego wants. At the same time, use your feminine grace to set the ground rules so he will know how you want to be treated. (Men appreciate knowing what “the rules” are—and they respond by trying to please you.)

Here are some more tips on how to convert your feminine power to feminine grace:

 

• Be gracious. Grace leads to graciousness. Men don’t get a lot of graciousness from the men in their lives, so they crave it from women.

• Speak from the heart, but don’t overload his brain with too much emotion. He wants to feel your emotion—he really does. He just doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by it.

• Expect him to treat you with consideration and respect. That’s what you deserve, and you should not settle for anything less.

 

When you turn on your feminine charms, you will find that there is real power in controlling your feminine energy. Use this secret to behave from your source of feminine power and he will feel good to be around you. And that’s crucial in getting him to come back for more.

 

Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man

Why is this secret that women need to know so secret? Probably because too few women know how important this secret really is. Sure, women may make a man feel manly in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS like a man.

 

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Instead of continuing to use their feminine power in the form of feminine grace, too many women start to chip away at a man’s masculine ego by criticizing him and trying to turn him into something different. (Something better, right ladies?) A man wants to please his woman, so he will go along with some of the changes. But after a while most men will realize that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad about himself—not wonderful. Trust me, a man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But what if she can’t be pleased? Then he feels like a failure. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he is a failure?

 

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:

 

• Let him know how good a man you think he is. Tell him with your eyes, your smile, and your kind words. Tell him he makes you feel like a lady.

• Let him know how considerate he is—and let him know how much that pleases you.

• Let him know how smart you think he is. Stroke his ego a little. It might sound a little manipulative, and maybe it is. But as a man, yours truly Chad Stone can speak on behalf of men. For more on this topic, check out my book Babe MagnetRules of Dating Over 50.

Let him know strong and capable he is. (It’s beginning to sound like men are just big, insecure babies on the inside. Well ladies, they are.) 

 

Basically, it comes down to this: a man wants to be his woman’s hero. We all want to be the charming prince who comes to a beautiful damsel’s rescue. Men want to live the fairy tale, too. And by the way, ladies, if he is not the kind of man you can honestly appreciate, then he IS NOT the man for you.

 

Would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right--and not find the man of your dreams?

Does this advice sound hopeless old-fashioned? Does it sound crazy to behave like this in the 21^st century? Not if you want the man of your dreams. Dating IS old-fashioned. Relationships ARE based largely upon centuries of old-fashioned behaviors. If you want to get a great man and live happily ever after, you’ve got to use your feminine power in a gracious and graceful way.

 

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment and let me know if you think I’m crazy—or not.

 

Sincerely,

 

Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet acceptance speech

Last week, yours truly-- the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet-- had the privilege of attending the awards ceremony for the 2013 New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards. I was at the gala banquet because my dating advice book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, was a finalist for Best Book in the Self-Help Book category.


I was completely honored to be nominated. More than 1,200 books had been submitted for this year's awards. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, which is a humorous memoir and a dating advice book, caught the eye of the judges and was declared a finalist.
 

My book was nominated for a major award, and I was excited! Could a Pulitzer Prize be far behind?

Because I have never won a major writing award--and because I was quite convinced that I was going to win, I wrote an acceptance speech. I knew that I wanted to say a few key things to the assembled crowd about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, because not everyone would be familiar with my dating advice/self-help book. My speech would be a great opportunity to say Thank You!, but it would also be an opportunity to tell others about my book.

So here's the speech I wrote:

"Thank you so much for this honor!

 

"Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet started out as therapy for me. I was newly divorced after a long marriage, and I did not want to be single for the rest of my life. But I was clueless about dating in the 21^st Century. So I started keeping a journal, and I wrote down the good, the bad and the funny things that I experienced as a middle-aged single man.

 

"Whenever I discovered something I thought was either valuable or profound, I wrote this little bit of wisdom down as a Babe Magnet Rule. The first one came to me right after I had written down a list of the attributes I wanted in the Last Love of My Life. I read the list and realized that I had just described a Total Babe—someone who was completely out of my league.

 

"So I wrote down the first Babe Magnet Rule: To be a Babe Magnet, you must believe you are a Babe Magnet.

 

"I ended up with 92 Babe Magnet Rules, and they became the organizing framework for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. These Babe Magnet Rules helped my book successfully become a hybrid of a humorous memoir and a self-help book.

 

"I would like to thank the judges for getting past the very tongue-in-cheek title of my book, and for finding a way to honor a book that doesn’t fit neatly into a traditional genre. But most of all, I would like to thank my lovely wife, Krista, for giving me the happy ending that my book needed—and for proving that it’s never too late to find your soul mate.

 

"Thank you very much!"

 

I would soon be putting WINNER stickers on the cover of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet book covers instead of FINALIST stickers!

 

 

 

That's a pretty good speech, if I do have to say so myself.

 

There was only one problem with my speech. I never got a chance to deliver it. They announced the nominees in the Best Self-Help book category, but when the emcee announced the winning book, he didn't say Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. He said the title of some other book.

 

I was stunned. Obviously, a horrible mistake had been made. I was supposed to be strolling up to the podium to make my acceptance speech. BUT MY BOOK HADN'T WON. I felt just like all of the non-winning actors on Oscars night. (Except I didn't have a TV camera on me while I tried to look happy for the winner.)

 

You know how everyone always says it's an honor just to be nominated? Well, it is. But the people who say it's an honor just to be nominated DID NOT WIN. The winners always say how great it is to win. Because winning is a lot more fun.

 

Oh, don't worry about me. I'm over it. It was an honor just to get nominated. But if you'd like to help soften the blow for me, you can give copies of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet to everyone you know this holiday season.

 

During my last radio show interview, I told the host that anyone who has ever been single would enjoy the book. And women like the book as much as men. So there you have it, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet is the perfect holiday gift.

 

You heard it here first.

 

The Final Word on How to Have a Great First Date

During our last two posts, we talked about how to have a great first date. There’s all the first date prep. There’s getting your great first date look together so you make an awesome first impression. There’s choosing the right location for your great first date. And, of course, you need to know what to talk about—and also which topics to NOT talk about.

In many ways, a first date is like a job interview. You are applying for the opening for Girlfriend (or Boyfriend), and your goal is to get to the next interview. How do you do that? Start by asking good questions. Listen to the answers.  Show that you are interested in your date and what he or she says. Reveal some positive things about yourself and your interests in an unforced, conversational way. Smile and enjoy yourself!

"You're hired!" Well, that's sort of what a first date can be like.

 

You might indeed be on a “job interview” of sorts, but a first date is actually much more than that. Sure, you’ve got to make a good impression and reveal the best aspects of your personality. But you also have to get to know the person sitting across from you. Because if a first date really is a job interview, it’s a two-way job interview. You’re both interviewing each other, and it’s only successful if you both shine.

You know how to tell if your date is clicking? The time just FLIES by. The two of you never run out of things to say. That’s how it was for Mueller when he first met Daphne. Mueller had been on quite a few dates. He was almost a professional dater, because he was very picky and he was looking for the love of his life. When he met Daphne for dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant, he was starting to wonder if he had been too picky. But Daphne had a smile that dazzled him, and Mueller had a gentle way about him that touched Daphne’s heart. They both couldn’t stop smiling at each other, and they made each other laugh. The longer they talked, the more they had in common.

 

You've heard of the expression "time flies." No, it's not a literal thing, not matter how good this illustration is. But time whizzing by is one thing that makes a great first date, well, great.

Then, there was the big C-word—Chemistry. It’s difficult to describe chemistry using words, but most of us know it when we feel it. Chemistry is a biological, physical and emotional attraction to another person. Both Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night. Chemistry isn’t logical, so you can sometimes overthink it and talk yourself out of it.

No. Not this kind of chemistry. The Good Kind of chemistry.

 

Fortunately, Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night, and they paid attention to it. Their romance is still going strong, and it looks like it will be going strong for years to come.

And that, my friends, is why you go out on a first date. Because sometimes, if you’re lucky and if you’re paying attention, the chemistry cooks and the stars align and that first date leads to the love of your life.

All you need is love.

 

For more tips on how to meet the love of your life, read Chad Stone’s self-help memoir Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. The book was recently named a finalist for Best Self Help Book by the prestigious New Mexico/Arizona Book Awards.   

 

How to Have a Great First Date (Part 2)

Our discussion on the topic, How to Have a Great First Date continues...

 

You’re all ready for a great first date with someone you barely know. Your body is clean, your clothes are clean, and you’re dressed for dating success. You are ready to meet the love of your life. (Hey, it could happen. I know this from personal experience-- because it happened to me.)

Gentlemen, if you are following the rules I set out in my book, Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50, you selected a suitable location for this great first date.



This is NOT a good choice for a first date. Never, ever.

 

If this is a “meet and greet” date, then you’re probably meeting at a Starbucks of a similar local coffee spot. There is nothing wrong with a coffee date. It’s a casual, low-pressure way to get to know someone. If her or she sparks your interest, great! If not, it’s no harm no foul, and you can move on.



A first date that doesn't work out is like incidental contact in a basketball game. "No harm, no foul."

(Photo by the Birmingham News)

 

If you want to make a bigger first impression, then you have invited her to dine with you at a nice, but not too fancy, restaurant. In an age of “meet and greet” first dates, a real dinner date is a great way to get a woman’s attention.

Now, follow Babe Magnet Rule #30: Be the first to arrive for a date—especially a first date. Give yourself a few minutes to claim the place as your own. This will give you extra confidence and help put you in command of the date. And Babes love a confident man.

When you meet your date, use your best old-school manners. Guys, look your date in the eyes and tell her how glad you are to meet her. Girls, look him in the eyes and smile. He will melt.



It doesn't take much for a woman to melt a man. A nice smile will do it every time.

 

So, now what? What should you talk about? And what topics should you avoid? Well, the number one topic you should NOT talk about on a first date is ex-spouses and ex-lovers. The trouble with talking about ex-lovers is that it’s an emotionally charged topic. Love Gone Bad is not a fun topic, and relationship breakups are not happy events. Do you really want to travel into the Black Hole of a Dead Relationship with someone you barely know? I think not.

Here’s the best thing that could happen when you talk about your ex. You say something like, “My ex-wife is a wonderful person, but over the years we grew less and less compatible.” That sounds reasonable, right? You’re over your ex and you’re not bitter. On some days, you’re so enlightened that your friends call you Gandhi. But you still run the risk of your date only hearing the “my ex-wife is a wonderful person” part and now she’s wondering if you’re really over her yet.

 

Try not to talk about ex-lovers, religion or politics on a first date.

 

So, what do you talk about? Fun stuff. Positive stuff. Amusing things that have happened to you lately. Before your date, think about some fun stuff you can talk about. One way to avoid the dreaded AWKWARD SILENCE OF A FIRST DATE is to always have a few little stories to tell.

I suggest that everyone have three “talk show stories” that they can tell during a date or any social setting. These are the kinds of stories that are fun, easy to listen to, and don’t challenge anyone’s beliefs or opinions.

Back when I was single and was a self-proclaimed Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I used to tell a funny story about my youngest son. (Almost anyone can appreciate a funny kid story.) I also told the story about how my cat adopted me after my dog died. (Women love heartwarming stories about pets.)



Awwwwwww!

 

Another topic that always seemed to work was a lighthearted review of some of my worst first dates. Women also like to share their bad date experiences. Bingo, you’ve got a pleasant conversation going. Just make sure that your bad date stories don’t reveal anything troubling about you—like showing up late for dates, getting drunk on dates, or forgetting to wear pants.

Once again, we’re out of time here at the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Blog. Next time we finish the topic of How to Have a Great First Date with the best tip ever about how to ensure that you’ll get a second date.

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

 

 

 

Old Dating Advice for Men that Still Works

Ooo baby. Stylin' in 18th century clothes.

The more dating changes, the more it stays the same

Ever wonder how you should talk to a woman? Men have wanted to know how to behave and what to talk about on dates for centuries. A book called A Gentleman’s Guide to Etiquette was published in 1875, and some of the dating advice for men is still pretty good. Sure, you have to get past the old-fashioned language. But the 138-year-old dating advice for men tips still ring true, which proves that if your great-great grandfather were alive today, he might be able to help you become a babe magnet.

So let’s have a look at some dating advice for men from 1875, and tweak it just a little to make it relevant dating advice for men and women in 2013.

 

When on a date… “It is ill-bred to put on an air of weariness during a long speech from another person, and quite as rude to look at a watch, read a letter …  or in any other action show that you are tired of the speaker or his subject.” In dating advice for men and women in 2013, that means put your damn cell phone away and pay attention to what your date is saying.

 “If you have traveled … do not be constantly speaking of your journeyings. Nothing is more tiresome than a man who commences every phrase with, ‘When I was in Paris,’ or, ‘In Italy I saw…’” In dating advice for men in 2013, this also applies to the name-dropping of famous people. Do not mention Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, or any other celebrity just to make yourself sound cool.

“A man of real intelligence and cultivated mind is generally modest. He may feel when in everyday society, that in intellectual acquirements he is above those around him; but he will not seek to make his companions feel their inferiority, nor try to display this advantage over them.” Amen, baby. If you try to sound superior, you’ll sound like an a-hole.

“To be a good listener is as indispensable as to be a good talker, and it is in the character of listener that you can most readily detect the man who is accustomed to good society.” Don’t bogart the conversation, men. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. You should listen twice as much as you talk. If your date is shy, ask some questions about herself to get her started.

“Never notice it if others make mistakes in language. To notice by word or look such errors in those around you is excessively ill-bred.” Well, you’ll probably notice poor word choice and improper pronunciation, but don’t make fun of it. You ain’t no Einstein yourself.

“Avoid boasting. To speak of your money, connections, or the luxuries at your command is in very bad taste.” That’s still good dating advice for women and men. If you try to impress a date with your money and possessions, you will end up with someone who only cares about money and possessions.

It is extremely rude and pedantic, when engaged in general conversation, to make quotations in a foreign language. Or better yet, don’t speak in a “foreign” language unless your date also speaks the language.

A lady of sense will feel more complimented if you converse with her upon instructive, high subjects, than if you address to her only the language of compliment. In the latter case she will conclude that you consider her incapable of discussing higher subjects, and you cannot expect her to be pleased at being considered merely a silly, vain person, who must be flattered into good humor.” In other words, don’t talk about Fast & Furious 6. But if you get a hankering to talk about the Big Bang, go for it. (The Big Bang Theory, not the Big Bang TV show.)

This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off in a time-honored, respectful way. http://amzn.to/120GPWo

(Thanks to Chiara Atik at HowAboutWe.com for sharing these dating advice for men gems from 1875!)

 

 

5 Ways Men Kill Relationships

There are at least 5 ways that men kill relationships. Who am I kidding? There are probably 500. No wonder this woman looks so cranky.

Men aren’t always good at relationships. Sometimes men do stupid things to kill relationships. It says so right here in the “Duh” file. Sometimes men can be focused things like work and forget they have to invest some time and emotional energy in their love relationships. Sometimes men expect women to be just as simple as men are—which can really kill a relationship.

There are lots of relationship-killing behaviors that men cluelessly use to chase their women away. These relationship killers, when used excessively, can be described as relationship-killing personality types.

So here are five ways that men act that kill relationships.When they act like the characters that I describe below, women hit the road.

 

Mr. Needy

The first way that men kill relationships is by behaving like a needy, wimpy man. This is not attractive to a woman. In fact, it’s a complete turn-off. Most women are attracted to the masculine traits of strength, decisiveness, leadership and vision. When a woman lists what she’s looking for in a man, she never says, “I want a man with no self confidence and no friends, who needs my undivided attention constantly.” One of the reasons a man can turn into Mr. Needy is he falls for the woman before she falls for him. When that happens, he needs to make sure he doesn’t get whiny and wimpy.

 

The Baggage Man

We all arrive in a new relationship with some baggage. Some of us arrive on a first or second date with enough baggage for an around the world cruise. Some of us arrive with just a small overnight bag, and we tuck it under the table and never mention it.  Mr. Baggage Man doesn’t just have a lot of baggage—he’s attached to it. It defines who he is. He might have a bag packed with all of his broken-heart wounds. Another is filled with how “bad and wrong” women are. And he always seems to be comparing his new girlfriend to his last lover.

It’s human nature to do a little comparing. As you get to know a new lover, you can’t help but compare her to your last girlfriend. But gentlemen, keep it to yourself. Most women do not want to hear about how they measure up to the last wife or girlfriend. When Mr. Baggage Man says, “My ex-wife always loved my jokes” or “My old girlfriend liked it when I sat around watching football on TV,” he doesn’t realize that he’s about to have another ex-girlfriend.

 

Mr. Tool

Calling a man a “tool” is not a compliment. We’re not talking about a guy who can fix anything around the house. Mr. Tool thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He is hot and he knows it. Of course, he’s never as hot as he thinks he is, but you can’t convince him of that. Mr. Tool is so full of himself that he thinks every woman should be flattered just to be in his presence. Because of his inflated opinion of himself, he usually treats women like crap. Sure, some women will put up with this kind of behavior for a while—as long as Mr. Tool looks like Brad Pitt and can show her a good time. But there’s a reason that Mr. Tool has a long string of relationships that don’t last very long. When you’re a jerk, no one wants to be around you.

 

Mama’s Boy

A woman wants a man who acts like a man. Men are supposed to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. It’s a real turn-off for a woman when she sees a man who still clings to his mother’s apron strings. It’s one thing for a man to treat his mother with respect and talk to her regularly about what’s going on in his life. But when he starts cancelling dates or previous commitments with his girlfriend so he can run over to his mother’s house to change a light bulb, that’s Mama’s Boy territory. Unfortunately, ladies, Mama can really turn on the guilt machine to get her Mama’s Boy to do what she wants. It’s really hard to compete with that. If he’s too much of a Mama’s Boy, then you might want to find a real man.

 

Mr. Cheapskate

There’s a wonderful magic in a relationship when a man is actively trying to win the heart of a woman. He wants to please her and he wants to impress her. And for centuries, one of the most successful ways to do this is for the man to treat her like a princess by taking her to fine restaurants, taking her to concerts, buying her flowers and finding pleasant ways to spend his hard-earned money on her. The early phase of a relationship can be an expensive proposition for a man, but if he wants to win the heart of a woman, being generous and gracious is a proven path to success.

But here in the era of gender equality and women who earn good incomes, sometimes a man can start to think that he shouldn’t pay for everything. Taken to the extreme, a guy like this starts to look like Mr. Cheapskate. If a man asks a woman out on a date—especially a first, second or third date—he should pay for it. When a woman graciously offers to pay for dessert, don’t become Mr. Cheapskate. Instead, graciously thank her and decline. Mr. Cheapskate doesn’t want to spend his money on a woman, because that leaves him less money to spend on computer games and expensive toys. But what kind of message does that send to the woman he’s with?

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

Advice for Everyone

Sometimes we all need to be reminded about stuff we already know. This goes for folks who are single, happily in relationships, dating over 50, young, old enough to be collecting Social Security—all of us.

This list of helpful life advice started out as an email pass-along that a friend sent to me. I have edited it, added to it, and deleted some items to make it a set of guidelines that will help you stay optimistic—no matter what experiences each day brings you.

1. Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And cut up the ones you aren’t using.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Just stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Make a conscious effort to attract positive, loving people into your life. Then don’t be surprised when the negative, crabby people drop out of your life.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Life is short. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

14 Stop often to take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. Go after what you love in life, and don't take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

21. Believe in miracles. You won’t experience them if you don’t believe in them.

22. Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Let time do its job.

29. Life is change. Go with it.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

32. Plant a garden.

33. If you love someone, tell them “I love you” as often as you can.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Help them enjoy it.

35. Be nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But always stand up for yourself.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Be thankful.

39. You will be happier today if you are optimistic about tomorrow.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

Middle-Aged Dating and the Gag Reflex

Yeah, I know. Middle-Aged Dating and the Gag Reflex is the weirdest title I’ve ever used for a blog post. But stay with me—it’s not what you think.

The idea for this story about dating over 50 came to me earlier this week at the dentist’s office—which is the first time I ever got an idea for the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog while sitting in a dentist’s chair. I was in for my six month cleaning, and it was time to get those “bite xrays” taken. You know the kind—you bite down on this cardboard thing and the dental hygienist runs out of the room so she won’t get zapped with radiation. Then she runs back in and takes the cardboard contraption out of your mouth.

I don’t know about you, but I hate the whole bite xray process. Those cardboard things stick into my gums and make me gag. I have what can be described as a strong gag reflex, and I hate having foreign objects in my mouth.

I know I’m flirting with TMI here, but stay with me. When I told my new dental hygienist about my tendency to gag during the dental xray process, she asked me if I had ever tried salt. She said putting a little salt on your tongue can interrupt the gag reflex.

“Do you have any salt?” I asked. She said yes, and put some on my tongue. Well, Holy New Pontiff from Argentina, the freakin’ salt worked. No more gagging. I’m 58 years old, and somebody just taught me a new trick. From now on, I’ll be putting a little salt on my tongue before I get dental xrays—even if I have to bring my own salt.

I love it when I learn a new trick, and I’m a firm believer in continuing to learn new tricks no matter how old you are. I certainly learned a lot of new things after my mid-life divorce, and a lot of them were about dating, women, and relationships.

In fact, I even wrote a Babe Magnet Rule about that topic that appears in Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet:


BABE MAGNET RULE #7

Babe Magnets are not afraid to learn new tricks.


One of the things about dating after 50 for a lot of people is being in a situation that’s unfamiliar to them. They’ve probably just gotten divorced, and they’ve forgotten how to go out on a date. They have to relearn the whole courtship process. And sometimes they have to learn new things—such as online dating.
If you’re not willing to learn new things, you’re going to crash and burn in the dating world. You’re going to approach dating as if it were 1983, and you’re going to look and act like a doofus. (This is equally true for both men and women.)

The best thing you can do is to be open to learning new things. Read books about dating. Talk to your single friends. Talk to your recently married friends, and find out what worked for them when they were single. Be open to new ideas and trying new things.

Dating over 40, or dating over 50, or dating at any age can be a time of new growth and new learning. Please don’t be one of those people who says, “dating over 50 is so hard” or “there aren’t any interesting women” or “all of the good men are already taken.” None of those things are true—and there are millions of later-in-life relationships to prove it.

So, learn something new. Try something you’ve never done before. Even if that means putting a little salt on your tongue.

Dating After Divorce: Dating Dealbreakers

One of the best things about Twitter is hashtags. Just using a hashtag (#) followed by a short phrase makes it possible to follow a specific topic as it trends across the Twitterverse.



Last week, the hashtag #MajorTurnOffs was abuzz with dealbreakers about dating. These pithy little comments sum up the complaints against people who are bad dates—and who probably aren’t worthy of seeing again. Anyone who has been dating after divorce is going to recognize a lot of these. (Thanks to huffingtonpost.com for compiling this list.) And thanks to Twitter, too.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 1-5

• a man who isn't gainfully employed

• People who are rude to servers or other customer service people.

• When you can’t tell me how large the national debt is, but you know every detail about Kim and Yeezy’s life.

• married men who flirt with you behind their wives back/in front of their wives faces.

• when females act like they don’t trust men at all.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 6-10

• mentioning an ex like they're still obsessed with them. (Is this a dating after divorce red flag, or what?)

• past drama-- I need to know that your past is your past, your ex is your ex, and that I’m not a backup

• When someone says, “I liked that band way before they were famous.”

• Not being ok with divorce. It’s kind of my thing. (Yeah, if you’re dating after divorce, that could be a real sore spot.)

• Someone that’s just always negative & never has anything good to say about anything or anyone.

Dating Dealbreakers Number 11-15

• people who try to rush relationships. Breathe and settle down. We aren’t getting married tomorrow.

• someone who’s ignorant

• Flirting with other people while on a date.

• making promises they already know they are not going to keep

• I’d say indecisiveness. Or maybe not. Tough one. (Ha! When you’re dating after divorce, you need to have a sense of humor!)

Dating Dealbreakers Number 16-20

• when you’ve got nothing good to say about your exes. What are you going to be saying about me if it doesn't work out?

• If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation with me.

• Guys who get drunk on the 1st date, esp if I’m not even drinking.

• Beautiful people with ugly personalities

• And one of mine own: someone who doesn’t even show up for the first date—and doesn’t even call or text. Just a no show. That’s a case of “one strike and you’re out.”



So what do you think? Is this a good list? Leave a comment and let us know what your dating dealbreaker is. And thanks for reading.



This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

Dating Over 50 and Babe Magnet Rule #17

You know that old saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks? That may be true for old dogs, but not for single men. When I was single and dating over 50, I definitely learned a few new things about women.

One of the things I learned was Babe Magnet Rule #17, which appears in my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. It goes like this:

BABE MAGNET RULE #17

A Babe Magnet knows when to hold ‘em, knows when to fold ‘em, knows when to walk away, and knows when to run like hell.




Whoa. This guy might be a candidate for a "run like hell" date.



Some dates are made in heaven. Everything clicks. The conversation flows. You lock eyes with your date, and you listen to every word. You’re both witty and fun and fun to be with. Even if it’s your first date, it seems like you’ve known each other for years.



Some dates go pretty well, and the two of you have some common interests and experiences. It’s still too early to know if this is a match made in nirvana, but you and your date are hopeful. The connection you are making seems promising.

On the other hand, there are also some dates that are disasters right from the start. When you ask, “What’s your favorite book of all time?” she replies, “I don’t like to read.” When you inquire about what she loves to do for fun, she says, “I work all the time. I don’t have time to do anything fun.”

Dating Over 50

When you are dating over 50 and you're on a date like this, you are tempted to ask her if this date is work, but you bite your tongue. It sure feels like work to you. Right at the moment, you aren’t having any fun at all.


My advice for singles, no matter how old they are, is this: If a first date crashes and burns, let it go. Cut your losses and move on. If a second or third date reveals that what you thought was the Babe of your dreams actually harbors one of the character flaws on your “deal breakers” list, move on.

When I was newly single and dating over 50 after my divorce, I was lonely and looking for companionship. I was too patient with women who just weren’t right for me. I thought that any date was better than no date.

As I grew in wisdom and confidence, I realized that some dates were a complete waste of my time. After all, I was looking for the last love of my life. So what was I doing going out with a woman who I already knew wasn’t The One for me?

Like Kenny Rogers said in his classic song, The Gambler, “know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

And when a date turns into a disaster, run like hell. That's true when you are dating at 20, dating over 50, or dating at 100.

Visit middleagedbabemagnet.com for more great tips about dating and relationships from Chad Stone.