The real truth about Valentine’s Day myths and misunderstandings

 

Valentine’s Day is the biggest day of the year for lovers. It doesn’t really matter if Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday designed to sell greeting cards and boxes of chocolates. Valentine’s Day has become a day for lovers to express their feelings and affections for each other, and it’s a day that you better participate in—or else endure the wrath of your sweetheart.

You might think you know everything there is to know about celebrating cupid’s day of love. After all, you’ve had a few relationships in your life. (Maybe more than a few relationships!) Nevertheless, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day and offering Valentine’s Day advice, let’s talk about the biggest myths and misunderstandings about Valentine’s Day.

 

Myth # 1: It's perfectly OK to skip Valentine's Day

Wrong, wrong and double wrong. If you’re a man and you decide to skip Valentine’s Day, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Your honey-pie might even realize that it's a hyped-up holiday, but that won’t get you off the hook completely. You know why? Because everyone else is celebrating it, and if she sees her friends getting flowers and going out to dinner, she’s going to wonder why you are being such a jerk.

 

So here’s what you can do instead. Celebrate Valentine’s in your own special, low-key sort of way. You don’t have to buy lavish gifts to keep the spirit of the day alive. How about planning an activity that you and your lover enjoy? Take her hiking or ice skating or zip-lining (if you’re really adventurous). It almost doesn’t matter what activity you decide to do together as long as your honey can tell that you gave it some thought and you picked something that you thought she would enjoy.  

  

Myth # 2: February 14th is the only day to celebrate love
Just because everyone else is celebrating Valentine’s Day on February 14th, does that mean you have to? Not really. Sure, it’s the conventional thing to do. The very popularity of Feb. 14 makes it a bit difficult to buck the tide. But you can throw convention out the window and have a little fun—if you do it right.

How about picking another day in the week and declare it as your very own Valentine’s Day? Every place will be less crowded, and it might feel more special if you and your lover have your very own day. She will still be the one being romanced, right? She will appreciate the fact that you created a day just for her. But this is very important: Make sure you talk about this BEFORE Valentine’s Day. She has to be onboard with this idea or it won’t work.

 

Myth # 3: You're saving money for a fun vacation, so it's OK to skip Valentine's Day altogether

I pity the man who falls for this myth. Sure, she agreed to save money for your big vacation. So she clearly won’t expect a lavish Valentine’s Day celebration. But none at all? That will disappoint her—especially when all of her girlfriends have stories to tell about the gifts they received and the places they went.

 

So, honor the spirit of your agreement to save money. While you should not plan an expensive date, you do want to surprise her with an inexpensive (but thoughtful) gift or activity. Plan to meet her for lunch and pack her favorite food in a picnic basket. She'll be impressed that you stuck to a budget while still making her feel special.

 

Myth # 4: You've only been dating for a few months, so you won't celebrate

If you’ve been dating a long time, or if you’re happily married, Valentine’s Day is a no-brainer. OF COURSE you’re going to celebrate the day in some way. But what about if you just started dating? Do you opt for something romantic if you’re not really sure how your gesture will be received?

 

In a new relationship, it’s important to honor the day without being overly romantic about it. Ignoring Valentine’s Day would be a mistake, so you want to acknowledge it and gently use Valentine’s Day as a way to move the relationship forward. How? Try scheduling a dancing class or a cooking class. Or, take her to see a comedy show — anything to get the two of you laughing and experiencing something fun together.

 

Myth #5: He shouldn’t expect a gift in return

Ladies, this is the myth that you have to pay attention to. Although Valentine’s Day is usually marketed as a woman’s holiday, when the man makes a big deal about treating his woman to gifts and expressions of love, there’s no rule stating that the woman can’t surprise her man with something thoughtful in return.

 

Plan to give him a small gift of love. It can be a gift that you buy, or it can be something fun and special. Make him his favorite dessert. Or how about a sexy lingerie show just for him, followed by … well, you know. Be creative and he will feel loved and adored.

 

And one more thing

Who says Valentine’s Day celebrations have to be restricted to one day a year? Make every day a Valentine’s Day by saying “I love you” and showing your honey that you appreciate them!

 

For more on this topic--and just about everything else concerning love, dating and relationships, read The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50: 101 Tips for Meeting, Winning & Keeping a New Love by Chad Stone. For daily tips about love and relationships, "Like" Chad's Facebook page.

 

 

Two secrets women need to know about men

 

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. That’s because men can be clueless—and that’s no big secret. (I am a man, and I can say this in all honesty.) But I’ll let you in on a little secret women need to know about men. Many women don’t know that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

 

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man. I call these the two secrets that women need to know about men in order to attract the right man—and keep him interested.

Is LOVE in the cards for you? It can be--but only if you know the rules of the game.

 

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Ways

What does it mean for a woman to use her feminine ways? It means simply this: most men can’t handle a woman’s emotional power. Women must realize that their emotions are too powerful a force for most men to understand. This emotional power shorts out a man’s brain circuits and sends him running for cover.

 

As a result, a woman needs to keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance. Truly, the power of a woman’s emotions is more than a man can handle. His mind is hardwired for logic and problem solving. Men don’t understand emotions and process life through their emotions the way women do.   

 

The answer for women? Learn to regulate your feminine power with feminine grace. Outsmart him by giving him just what his ego wants. At the same time, use your feminine grace to set the ground rules so he will know how you want to be treated. (Men appreciate knowing what “the rules” are—and they respond by trying to please you.)

Here are some more tips on how to convert your feminine power to feminine grace:

 

• Be gracious. Grace leads to graciousness. Men don’t get a lot of graciousness from the men in their lives, so they crave it from women.

• Speak from the heart, but don’t overload his brain with too much emotion. He wants to feel your emotion—he really does. He just doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by it.

• Expect him to treat you with consideration and respect. That’s what you deserve, and you should not settle for anything less.

 

When you turn on your feminine charms, you will find that there is real power in controlling your feminine energy. Use this secret to behave from your source of feminine power and he will feel good to be around you. And that’s crucial in getting him to come back for more.

 

Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man

Why is this secret that women need to know so secret? Probably because too few women know how important this secret really is. Sure, women may make a man feel manly in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS like a man.

 

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Instead of continuing to use their feminine power in the form of feminine grace, too many women start to chip away at a man’s masculine ego by criticizing him and trying to turn him into something different. (Something better, right ladies?) A man wants to please his woman, so he will go along with some of the changes. But after a while most men will realize that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad about himself—not wonderful. Trust me, a man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But what if she can’t be pleased? Then he feels like a failure. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he is a failure?

 

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:

 

• Let him know how good a man you think he is. Tell him with your eyes, your smile, and your kind words. Tell him he makes you feel like a lady.

• Let him know how considerate he is—and let him know how much that pleases you.

• Let him know how smart you think he is. Stroke his ego a little. It might sound a little manipulative, and maybe it is. But as a man, yours truly Chad Stone can speak on behalf of men. For more on this topic, check out my book Babe MagnetRules of Dating Over 50.

Let him know strong and capable he is. (It’s beginning to sound like men are just big, insecure babies on the inside. Well ladies, they are.) 

 

Basically, it comes down to this: a man wants to be his woman’s hero. We all want to be the charming prince who comes to a beautiful damsel’s rescue. Men want to live the fairy tale, too. And by the way, ladies, if he is not the kind of man you can honestly appreciate, then he IS NOT the man for you.

 

Would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right--and not find the man of your dreams?

Does this advice sound hopeless old-fashioned? Does it sound crazy to behave like this in the 21^st century? Not if you want the man of your dreams. Dating IS old-fashioned. Relationships ARE based largely upon centuries of old-fashioned behaviors. If you want to get a great man and live happily ever after, you’ve got to use your feminine power in a gracious and graceful way.

 

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment and let me know if you think I’m crazy—or not.

 

Sincerely,

 

Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

Advice for Everyone

Sometimes we all need to be reminded about stuff we already know. This goes for folks who are single, happily in relationships, dating over 50, young, old enough to be collecting Social Security—all of us.

This list of helpful life advice started out as an email pass-along that a friend sent to me. I have edited it, added to it, and deleted some items to make it a set of guidelines that will help you stay optimistic—no matter what experiences each day brings you.

1. Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And cut up the ones you aren’t using.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Just stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Make a conscious effort to attract positive, loving people into your life. Then don’t be surprised when the negative, crabby people drop out of your life.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Life is short. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

14 Stop often to take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. Go after what you love in life, and don't take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

21. Believe in miracles. You won’t experience them if you don’t believe in them.

22. Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Let time do its job.

29. Life is change. Go with it.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

32. Plant a garden.

33. If you love someone, tell them “I love you” as often as you can.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Help them enjoy it.

35. Be nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But always stand up for yourself.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Be thankful.

39. You will be happier today if you are optimistic about tomorrow.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

How to Attract Any Woman

Let’s take a little poll right now. Raise your hands if you’re single, and you’d love to attract the perfect man or woman into your life.


That’s a lot of hands, and that’s exactly what I expected to see. If you’re single, and you haven’t totally given up on the whole dating thing (or even the belief that “I know he/she is out there, and I know we’ll meet each other when the time is right”), then you are one of those people who would be delighted to welcome a perfect lover into your life.

Which brings me to today’s topic. I’m on a lot of email lists to receive information about dating and relationships, because as an author of a book on dating, I want to see what’s being said on the topic. I recently received an email that promises to make any man an irresistible sexual animal. It begins:

IMAGINE THIS:

What if you could SAY and DO a few simple things to automatically, helplessly, irresistibly bring out the "SEXUAL ANIMAL" in ANY WOMAN YOU WANTED?

Well, get this:

You CAN--and once you know how to do it, you can take ANY woman from "just friends" to "take me home now" in a HEARTBEAT!!!

FACT IS, learn the simple secrets of what I call "Power Sexuality," and the women you dream about will start FANTASIZING ABOUT *YOU*!

Learn how to "turn on" your "Power Sexuality" right here:

www.middleagedbabemagnet.com



Ha! I added the link to my own website to see if you were paying attention. But the rest of the quote above has not been changed at all.

This “one solution fits all” approach to dating is NOT what I’m about, even though I do offer 92 Babe Magnet Rules throughout the pages of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. What I do believe is that there are many basic things that work for the majority of single men and women, but I would never tell you that there’s ONE MAGIC THING THAT WILL MAKE A WOMAN WANT YOU RIGHT NOW.

But lots of folks are looking for the easy solutions—whether it’s the one perfect thing to say or the one perfect thing to wear or the one perfect rule to follow.

The truth is, the key to dating success—whether you are a man or a woman, is to be yourself. And by that I mean, be the very best version of you that you can be. Guys, sometimes that means getting rid of all those grunge-rock flannels in your wardrobe. (Why? Because women love it when you look like you care about your appearance.)

Women, sometimes that means smiling more and wearing something besides your favorite sweats. (Why? Because men love it when you care enough about your appearance to look your best.)

Now, I’m sure that there’s some value in almost every dating advice book or dating advice package that’s out there. But please don’t think there’s one golden answer or one magic system that will suddenly take you from dweeb to Brad Pitt.

Besides, there’s already one Brad Pitt in the world. What the world really needs is exactly what the very best version of you has to offer.

This is Chad Stone, signing off for now.

 

Behind the Scenes of a TV Appearance



Chad Stone on the set of "You & Me This Morning" with hosts Melissa Forman (left) and Jeanne Sparrow (right).

 It’s 6:15 a.m. in Chicago and I am getting into a cab. “I need to go to the WCIU-TV studios on North Halsted,” I tell the driver. I feel a tiny bit like Matt Lauer, heading for his job at the Today Show—except that Matt has his own private driver and he leaves even earlier in the morning. And I am Chad Stone, who is not anywhere close to Matt Lauer’s pay grade.


But hey, I’m headed to my first TV interview to talk about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, and I’m excited and a little nervous.

The taxi driver drops me off in front of a nondescript office building and a producer escorts me into the studio. Holy Live TV, the hosts of “You & Me This Morning” are sitting on a couch chatting about something silly with thousands of viewers in Chicagoland sharing their every word. Melissa Forman and Jeanne Sparrow sit on the brightly lit set, pretending to be two best friends talking and hanging out over bagels and coffee.

What, exactly, is the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet doing here? I’m drinking bottled water and reviewing the notes I wrote for my interview. I need to make sure I’ll remember what I planned to say about how dating is like the Olympics and how a middle-aged guy like me became a self-proclaimed Babe Magnet.

A tiny microphone is clipped to my lapel. Then the producer takes me to the “Green Room” to go over my segment. I will be interviewed by the blonde TV host (Melissa Forman) while we sit at the “kitchen table” part of the set. Sounds great—just make sure I don’t look like a doofus, OK?

Back in the studio, the director sits me in a chair on the set and hands me a copy of my own book. During the “tease” for my upcoming segment, I sit under the hot lights and pretend to read my book while laughing and smiling like I’ve never seen the book before. It’s weird, but it’s TV—not real life.

During the commercial break I am escorted to my chair at the table. Melissa sits down, smiling, and introduces herself. The red light on the camera goes on, and Melissa introduces me by saying something like, “If you ever wondered what a babe magnet looks like, now you know.”

“No one ever mistook me for Brad Pitt,” I quip. “So if I can become a Babe Magnet, then anyone can become a Babe Magnet.” And that’s pretty much the point of the book. You can learn to be a good date. You can learn to be charming and a great conversationalist. You can learn what women want in a man (and if you’re a woman, you can learn what men want in a woman). This isn’t rocket science, folks. You just have to pay attention and be willing to learn.

Melissa the TV Host is clearly enjoying herself as she asks me about myself and how I came to write Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. Then we go through some of the Olympic Dating Styles that I coined to describe how some singles act like dating is a major sporting event. (See the earlier Olympics post on this blog.)

My mouth is getting drier with each passing moment. It’s hard to look relaxed and natural while trying to be charming and funny on TV. Perhaps that’s why Matt Lauer, Oprah Winfrey and the other professionals get paid so much money. Fortunately, the interview ends before I completely lose the ability to form words with my cotton mouth.

The TV cameras are off, and Melissa the TV Host is flipping through my book, laughing. “Don’t switch Babes in mid stream!” she reads. “This is hilarious!” It’s too bad she didn’t read the book before our interview. Oh well.

Then I am out on the street, left to find myself a cab back to the hotel. TV is done with me—for now.

Perhaps I should call Oprah or Ellen. What do you think?

By the way, here's the link to my TV interview: Chad Stone on WCIU-TV

The Lighter Side of Marriage

Why do single men and women spend so much of their waking thoughts, time and energy to find a special someone? I believe that humans are hard-wired to seek out romantic relationships. We crave the intimacy and the partnership, and the chance to bond, change and grow together.


Traditionally, the goal of a romantic partnership has been marriage, and for millions of singles and couples that’s still the goal. Marriage is one of society’s most respected institutions, but it also presents some of the most challenging experiences any of us will ever face. Perhaps that’s why a healthy, happy and successful marriage is celebrated by husband, wife, family and friends.

Today, more than ever, a sense of humor is an important component of a healthy and happy marriage. So I share with you these quotes about marriage (many of which apply just as well to any romantic partnership.) I hope you receive them in the spirit of joy, love, hope and laughter with which they are intended.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. -- Unknown

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. -- Rita Rudner

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. -- Judith Viorst


For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. -- Bill Cosby

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -- Benjamin Franklin

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. -- Michel de Montaigne


Why does a woman work 10 years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? -- Barbra Streisand

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. -- Mignon McLaughlin


There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.-- Adela Rogers St. John


No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.-- H. L. Mencken

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. -- Henny Youngman

We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love. -- Gene Perret

-------------------------------------
This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

How to Win Gold ("Approved" Version)

It has come to my attention that the Olympic Committee is very protective of its copyrights, trademarks, sponsorship deals, etc. The Olympic Committee owns full rights to the words "Olympics," "Olympic Games," "olympian" and other variations. When you use any of those words in a non-approved, commercial context and you aren't McDonald's or Coca-Cola or another sponsor that has paid zillions of dollars to be associated with The Games, the Olympic Committee threatens to sue you.

Really. Even if you were to use a line such as "How to Win Gold in the Dating Olympics." Oh crap, that's the headline of my last blog post, isn't it?

OK. In an effort to show the Olympic Committee that I am not blantantly and knowingly using their trademarks for my own personal gain, I present this revised, "approved" version of my previous post.

Here goes:

How to “Win Gold” in the Ultimate Sport: Looking for Love

Santa Fe, NM— After the medals have been awarded in London, another kind of sporting event will dominate the thoughts of 99.6 million single American adults—Looking for Love

Chad Stone, author of a humorous guide to dating called Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet (available at www.amazon.com and www.middleagedbabemagnet.com), says there are many similarities between the sporting world games and modern dating.

“For many single adults, looking for love is a major event,” says Stone. “Men and women train for their dates as if they were competing in world-class sporting events, and many singles aren’t happy until they have won the equivalent of a gold medal in dating.”

According to Stone, there are seven sporting/dating styles used while Looking for Love:

Marathon Dater—A Marathon Dater goes on lots of dates. This is the “kiss a lot of frogs” approach to finding love. Sometimes, out of sheer persistence, this approach works. But sometimes Marathon Daters “hit the wall” and settle for a life of singleness.

The Sprinter—The Sprinter can’t stand to NOT have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Before his cell phone cools from the last breakup call, he is dashing off to find a replacement. When a female Sprinter finds someone she likes, she can’t wait to “cross the finish line.” We used to call a woman like this “easy.” Now we say she is behaving like a man.
Gold Medal Perfectionist—This type is great at first and second dates but never seems to find true love because he or she is holding out for the perfect partner. A Gold Medal Perfectionist is so picky that no mere mortal is ever good enough, so why bother with a third date?
The Coach—These know-it-alls freely share their vast knowledge of the opposite sex with anyone who will listen. But Coaches never take their own advice, and they rarely go out on successful dates.
Perpetual Training Mode—A female in Perpetual Training Mode faithfully reads several dating blogs and always looks great—because you know how important first impressions are. A male in Perpetual Training Mode goes to the gym a lot to work on his biceps. But all of this prep time leaves precious little time for actual dating.
Individual Medley Dater—Just like the swimmers who do four different strokes during a single race, Individual Medley Daters aren’t content to date just one person at a time. It may be fun for a while, but ultimately this type of dater gets himself into trouble when he gets the names of his dates mixed up.
Confident Competitor—The true champion in the Looking for Love competition combines the best qualities of several dating styles. Like the Gold Medal Perfectionists, they are looking for quality—but not perfection. They know that sometimes dating requires persistence. Confident Competitors finish the race at their own pace and ultimately find the man or woman of their dreams.


NOTE: I hope that the term "Win Gold" isn't also owned by the Olympic Committee. I guess if they do own it, I'll hear from their lawyers. :-(

What Do Online Profiles Reveal About Us?

Have you ever tried online dating? If you've been single in the past decade, the answer is probably yes. According to recent surveys, about 20% of couples who have recently become couples met online. Yours truly, Chad Stone, included.

R. Luke DuBois, who describes himself as a New York City-based "artist and computer programmer," wondered what our online profiles reveal about us. He analyzed profiles from 21 top dating sites and broke them into individual zip codes. Then he determined where certain words appeared more often than anywhere else.

Fascinating idea, huh?

Some of the results were fairly predicatable. The words "acting" and "vegetarian" appeared most often in Southern California. "Gay" and "grass" were popular words used in Northern California online profiles. "Mullet" was used most often in Alabama, as was "prayer." "Sox" (as in Red Sox) topped the list in the Boston area. "Casino" and "cathouse" and "gambling" were commonly used in Nevada's online profiles.

But then there were plenty of surprising and/or bizarre results in Mr. DuBois's statistics. "Marshmallow" was a popular word in Iowa-- hopefully not to describe people's bodies. "Curvy" was the big word in Louisiana, and that WAS probably used to describe female bodies. "Wet," "hard," "cougar," and "picky" were all popular in Washington State, but probably not in the same sentence. "Gal" was a popular word used to describe women in North Dakota. (I didn't know anyone still used that word.) And singles in Texas used the word "bust" more than anywhere else.

So, what can we learn from these results? Maybe that the USA is an enormous country that is far from being homogenous. Regional differences still rule-- and I think that's a very good thing.

But no matter where you are single in America, you're in good company. We're all looking for "love."

NOTE: Check back next week for info about my upcoming book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone!