The real truth about Valentine’s Day myths and misunderstandings

 

Valentine’s Day is the biggest day of the year for lovers. It doesn’t really matter if Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday designed to sell greeting cards and boxes of chocolates. Valentine’s Day has become a day for lovers to express their feelings and affections for each other, and it’s a day that you better participate in—or else endure the wrath of your sweetheart.

You might think you know everything there is to know about celebrating cupid’s day of love. After all, you’ve had a few relationships in your life. (Maybe more than a few relationships!) Nevertheless, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day and offering Valentine’s Day advice, let’s talk about the biggest myths and misunderstandings about Valentine’s Day.

 

Myth # 1: It's perfectly OK to skip Valentine's Day

Wrong, wrong and double wrong. If you’re a man and you decide to skip Valentine’s Day, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Your honey-pie might even realize that it's a hyped-up holiday, but that won’t get you off the hook completely. You know why? Because everyone else is celebrating it, and if she sees her friends getting flowers and going out to dinner, she’s going to wonder why you are being such a jerk.

 

So here’s what you can do instead. Celebrate Valentine’s in your own special, low-key sort of way. You don’t have to buy lavish gifts to keep the spirit of the day alive. How about planning an activity that you and your lover enjoy? Take her hiking or ice skating or zip-lining (if you’re really adventurous). It almost doesn’t matter what activity you decide to do together as long as your honey can tell that you gave it some thought and you picked something that you thought she would enjoy.  

  

Myth # 2: February 14th is the only day to celebrate love
Just because everyone else is celebrating Valentine’s Day on February 14th, does that mean you have to? Not really. Sure, it’s the conventional thing to do. The very popularity of Feb. 14 makes it a bit difficult to buck the tide. But you can throw convention out the window and have a little fun—if you do it right.

How about picking another day in the week and declare it as your very own Valentine’s Day? Every place will be less crowded, and it might feel more special if you and your lover have your very own day. She will still be the one being romanced, right? She will appreciate the fact that you created a day just for her. But this is very important: Make sure you talk about this BEFORE Valentine’s Day. She has to be onboard with this idea or it won’t work.

 

Myth # 3: You're saving money for a fun vacation, so it's OK to skip Valentine's Day altogether

I pity the man who falls for this myth. Sure, she agreed to save money for your big vacation. So she clearly won’t expect a lavish Valentine’s Day celebration. But none at all? That will disappoint her—especially when all of her girlfriends have stories to tell about the gifts they received and the places they went.

 

So, honor the spirit of your agreement to save money. While you should not plan an expensive date, you do want to surprise her with an inexpensive (but thoughtful) gift or activity. Plan to meet her for lunch and pack her favorite food in a picnic basket. She'll be impressed that you stuck to a budget while still making her feel special.

 

Myth # 4: You've only been dating for a few months, so you won't celebrate

If you’ve been dating a long time, or if you’re happily married, Valentine’s Day is a no-brainer. OF COURSE you’re going to celebrate the day in some way. But what about if you just started dating? Do you opt for something romantic if you’re not really sure how your gesture will be received?

 

In a new relationship, it’s important to honor the day without being overly romantic about it. Ignoring Valentine’s Day would be a mistake, so you want to acknowledge it and gently use Valentine’s Day as a way to move the relationship forward. How? Try scheduling a dancing class or a cooking class. Or, take her to see a comedy show — anything to get the two of you laughing and experiencing something fun together.

 

Myth #5: He shouldn’t expect a gift in return

Ladies, this is the myth that you have to pay attention to. Although Valentine’s Day is usually marketed as a woman’s holiday, when the man makes a big deal about treating his woman to gifts and expressions of love, there’s no rule stating that the woman can’t surprise her man with something thoughtful in return.

 

Plan to give him a small gift of love. It can be a gift that you buy, or it can be something fun and special. Make him his favorite dessert. Or how about a sexy lingerie show just for him, followed by … well, you know. Be creative and he will feel loved and adored.

 

And one more thing

Who says Valentine’s Day celebrations have to be restricted to one day a year? Make every day a Valentine’s Day by saying “I love you” and showing your honey that you appreciate them!

 

For more on this topic--and just about everything else concerning love, dating and relationships, read The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50: 101 Tips for Meeting, Winning & Keeping a New Love by Chad Stone. For daily tips about love and relationships, "Like" Chad's Facebook page.

 

 

Online Dating Goes Mobile: There’s an App for That

 

Online dating and looking for love online has definitely gone mainstream. According to a Pew Internet study, 11% of American adults have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps while looking for love. Among those adults who are “single and looking,” the figure jumps to 38% who have gone online or used mobile apps to help them find a romantic partner. (Interestingly, another 10% who are “single and not looking” have also used online dating sites and apps. They must be window shopping.)

 

The study about online dating and mobile dating apps is fascinating in its scope and detail. You can read more about it here:

http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2013/Online-Dating/Main-Report/Part-2.aspx

 

I’ve covered online dating in previous posts. This time we’re going to look at mobile phone dating apps that turn smart phones into a whole new way to meet up. (Thanks to www.CassandraDaily.com for bringing these to my attention.)

 

Twine

Let’s face it, most dating sites and apps encourage users to make judgments about people based almost exclusively on a profile photo. (A photo is the first thing you see until you click to see a person’s profile.)  But an app called Twine blurs a person’s profile at first, so it forces users to evaluate possible Cupid connections based only on personality info. Twine syncs up with the Facebook profiles of users to create a more secure environment. The app provides up to three potential matches every day. Users of Twine can see each other’s age, location, a compatibility meter, and their mutual interests (and that blurry profile photo), which the app uses to suggest conversation topics. You can chat anonymously for a while. Then, if both of you agree to see each other’s clear photos and first names, bingo—all is revealed.

 

Twine blurs a person's profile photo at first to encourage you to focus on their personality and interests.

 

Anomo

Like Twine, Anomo is a popular dating app that hides the users’ profile pictures until they choose to share them. So instead of photos, in the beginning people only see a cartoon avatar. They also see a username, gender, age group (verified by Facebook), location, and interests. To get things going, the app suggests games to break the ice and help find potential matches. To make it more fun, Anomo lets you chat one-on-one (using 540 characters or less), invite people to play the games with them, and check into locations. As time progresses, users can unlock personal content including their names, pictures, and occupations. Anomo was originally launched as a dating app, but it has also gained additional traction as a way for people to make friends and connect professionally.

 

Tinder

Tinder might just be the perfect dating app for single people who suffer from a fear of rejection. It was launched to connect people anonymously based on their locations and their personal preferences. For whatever reason—who really knows why some apps and some websites catch fire, Tinder has exploded in popularity. Already more than 35 million people have created profiles and more than 1 million matches have been made. One reason it has caught on so quickly is because the app links to users’ Facebook accounts. This gives Tinder the power to suggest possible matches based on Facebook friends and interests. To address privacy concerns, members remain anonymous until they both indicate a mutual “Like.”

The Tinder mobile app already has 35 million registered users. Love is calling!

 

 

What does it all mean?

So I guess the moral of this story is this: as long as there are single people, there will be no shortage of ways to connect with them, meet them, and fall in love. Take it from yours truly, Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. I found my wife online, so I can tell you that technology can be a wonderful thing when you’re looking for your soul mate.

 

Please connect with me at www.facebook.com/ConfessionsofaMiddleAgedBabeMagnet for my daily thoughts and discoveries about life, dating and relationships.

 

Two secrets women need to know about men

 

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. That’s because men can be clueless—and that’s no big secret. (I am a man, and I can say this in all honesty.) But I’ll let you in on a little secret women need to know about men. Many women don’t know that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

 

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man. I call these the two secrets that women need to know about men in order to attract the right man—and keep him interested.

Is LOVE in the cards for you? It can be--but only if you know the rules of the game.

 

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Ways

What does it mean for a woman to use her feminine ways? It means simply this: most men can’t handle a woman’s emotional power. Women must realize that their emotions are too powerful a force for most men to understand. This emotional power shorts out a man’s brain circuits and sends him running for cover.

 

As a result, a woman needs to keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance. Truly, the power of a woman’s emotions is more than a man can handle. His mind is hardwired for logic and problem solving. Men don’t understand emotions and process life through their emotions the way women do.   

 

The answer for women? Learn to regulate your feminine power with feminine grace. Outsmart him by giving him just what his ego wants. At the same time, use your feminine grace to set the ground rules so he will know how you want to be treated. (Men appreciate knowing what “the rules” are—and they respond by trying to please you.)

Here are some more tips on how to convert your feminine power to feminine grace:

 

• Be gracious. Grace leads to graciousness. Men don’t get a lot of graciousness from the men in their lives, so they crave it from women.

• Speak from the heart, but don’t overload his brain with too much emotion. He wants to feel your emotion—he really does. He just doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by it.

• Expect him to treat you with consideration and respect. That’s what you deserve, and you should not settle for anything less.

 

When you turn on your feminine charms, you will find that there is real power in controlling your feminine energy. Use this secret to behave from your source of feminine power and he will feel good to be around you. And that’s crucial in getting him to come back for more.

 

Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man

Why is this secret that women need to know so secret? Probably because too few women know how important this secret really is. Sure, women may make a man feel manly in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS like a man.

 

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Instead of continuing to use their feminine power in the form of feminine grace, too many women start to chip away at a man’s masculine ego by criticizing him and trying to turn him into something different. (Something better, right ladies?) A man wants to please his woman, so he will go along with some of the changes. But after a while most men will realize that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad about himself—not wonderful. Trust me, a man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But what if she can’t be pleased? Then he feels like a failure. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he is a failure?

 

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:

 

• Let him know how good a man you think he is. Tell him with your eyes, your smile, and your kind words. Tell him he makes you feel like a lady.

• Let him know how considerate he is—and let him know how much that pleases you.

• Let him know how smart you think he is. Stroke his ego a little. It might sound a little manipulative, and maybe it is. But as a man, yours truly Chad Stone can speak on behalf of men. For more on this topic, check out my book Babe MagnetRules of Dating Over 50.

Let him know strong and capable he is. (It’s beginning to sound like men are just big, insecure babies on the inside. Well ladies, they are.) 

 

Basically, it comes down to this: a man wants to be his woman’s hero. We all want to be the charming prince who comes to a beautiful damsel’s rescue. Men want to live the fairy tale, too. And by the way, ladies, if he is not the kind of man you can honestly appreciate, then he IS NOT the man for you.

 

Would you rather be happy? Or would you rather be right--and not find the man of your dreams?

Does this advice sound hopeless old-fashioned? Does it sound crazy to behave like this in the 21^st century? Not if you want the man of your dreams. Dating IS old-fashioned. Relationships ARE based largely upon centuries of old-fashioned behaviors. If you want to get a great man and live happily ever after, you’ve got to use your feminine power in a gracious and graceful way.

 

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment and let me know if you think I’m crazy—or not.

 

Sincerely,

 

Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

5 Ways Men Kill Relationships

There are at least 5 ways that men kill relationships. Who am I kidding? There are probably 500. No wonder this woman looks so cranky.

Men aren’t always good at relationships. Sometimes men do stupid things to kill relationships. It says so right here in the “Duh” file. Sometimes men can be focused things like work and forget they have to invest some time and emotional energy in their love relationships. Sometimes men expect women to be just as simple as men are—which can really kill a relationship.

There are lots of relationship-killing behaviors that men cluelessly use to chase their women away. These relationship killers, when used excessively, can be described as relationship-killing personality types.

So here are five ways that men act that kill relationships.When they act like the characters that I describe below, women hit the road.

 

Mr. Needy

The first way that men kill relationships is by behaving like a needy, wimpy man. This is not attractive to a woman. In fact, it’s a complete turn-off. Most women are attracted to the masculine traits of strength, decisiveness, leadership and vision. When a woman lists what she’s looking for in a man, she never says, “I want a man with no self confidence and no friends, who needs my undivided attention constantly.” One of the reasons a man can turn into Mr. Needy is he falls for the woman before she falls for him. When that happens, he needs to make sure he doesn’t get whiny and wimpy.

 

The Baggage Man

We all arrive in a new relationship with some baggage. Some of us arrive on a first or second date with enough baggage for an around the world cruise. Some of us arrive with just a small overnight bag, and we tuck it under the table and never mention it.  Mr. Baggage Man doesn’t just have a lot of baggage—he’s attached to it. It defines who he is. He might have a bag packed with all of his broken-heart wounds. Another is filled with how “bad and wrong” women are. And he always seems to be comparing his new girlfriend to his last lover.

It’s human nature to do a little comparing. As you get to know a new lover, you can’t help but compare her to your last girlfriend. But gentlemen, keep it to yourself. Most women do not want to hear about how they measure up to the last wife or girlfriend. When Mr. Baggage Man says, “My ex-wife always loved my jokes” or “My old girlfriend liked it when I sat around watching football on TV,” he doesn’t realize that he’s about to have another ex-girlfriend.

 

Mr. Tool

Calling a man a “tool” is not a compliment. We’re not talking about a guy who can fix anything around the house. Mr. Tool thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He is hot and he knows it. Of course, he’s never as hot as he thinks he is, but you can’t convince him of that. Mr. Tool is so full of himself that he thinks every woman should be flattered just to be in his presence. Because of his inflated opinion of himself, he usually treats women like crap. Sure, some women will put up with this kind of behavior for a while—as long as Mr. Tool looks like Brad Pitt and can show her a good time. But there’s a reason that Mr. Tool has a long string of relationships that don’t last very long. When you’re a jerk, no one wants to be around you.

 

Mama’s Boy

A woman wants a man who acts like a man. Men are supposed to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. It’s a real turn-off for a woman when she sees a man who still clings to his mother’s apron strings. It’s one thing for a man to treat his mother with respect and talk to her regularly about what’s going on in his life. But when he starts cancelling dates or previous commitments with his girlfriend so he can run over to his mother’s house to change a light bulb, that’s Mama’s Boy territory. Unfortunately, ladies, Mama can really turn on the guilt machine to get her Mama’s Boy to do what she wants. It’s really hard to compete with that. If he’s too much of a Mama’s Boy, then you might want to find a real man.

 

Mr. Cheapskate

There’s a wonderful magic in a relationship when a man is actively trying to win the heart of a woman. He wants to please her and he wants to impress her. And for centuries, one of the most successful ways to do this is for the man to treat her like a princess by taking her to fine restaurants, taking her to concerts, buying her flowers and finding pleasant ways to spend his hard-earned money on her. The early phase of a relationship can be an expensive proposition for a man, but if he wants to win the heart of a woman, being generous and gracious is a proven path to success.

But here in the era of gender equality and women who earn good incomes, sometimes a man can start to think that he shouldn’t pay for everything. Taken to the extreme, a guy like this starts to look like Mr. Cheapskate. If a man asks a woman out on a date—especially a first, second or third date—he should pay for it. When a woman graciously offers to pay for dessert, don’t become Mr. Cheapskate. Instead, graciously thank her and decline. Mr. Cheapskate doesn’t want to spend his money on a woman, because that leaves him less money to spend on computer games and expensive toys. But what kind of message does that send to the woman he’s with?

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

The Magic of Great Relationships

“I think it's basically magic. There is such a thing as magic, and the Beatles were magic.”
 --  Paul McCartney, in a Rolling Stone interview, 2007

How is it that some relationships are like seeds that never sprout, some are like seedlings that die before really taking root, and some grow and flourish to produce an abundant harvest of love?

It’s basically magic. How else do you explain it?

That’s the way Paul McCartney explained why the Beatles’ music continues to speak to people after all these years. He didn’t say “we wrote great songs” or “we were good and we got lucky” or anything specific. He just said it was magic.

I think Paul McCartneyis right. There are times when magic takes over, and there’s no way to explain it logically. It happened with the Beatles. And sometimes it happens when two people meet each other.

I know this is true in relationships, because it happened to me.

When I was middle-aged, single and actively dating, there were times when I wondered why I was going on so many dates. Why was it taking so long to meet the right woman? Why was the process taking so long? What was I doing wrong? Where was the magic?

I had gotten really good at dating. I had mastered the fine art of the First Date, during which I would be witty and charming as I told funny stories that illustrated the highlights of my life. But in the 1.7 million first dates that I went on, there was precious little magic.

At first I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I tried harder. I went out on more dates, and I learned even more about what women want in a man and how to present myself as that kind of man. (And I developed a list of Babe Magnet Rules to prove it.) Sometimes I got a little glimpse of magic, but it quickly (in a manner of days or weeks) vanished like a mirage in the desert.

A friend of mine thinks he may have found his magic. He and his lady have been together for many months, and their relationship continues to grow. From when I stand, it looks quite magical.

Another friend of mine, who I will call Asilla, has been dating a man for a couple of months. Whenever I watch them when they are together, he looks like a man who has found relationship magic, but she’s not so sure. So unless Asilla thinks there is magic in the relationship, there won’t be any magic for either of them. Relationship magic only happens when both parties feel it and embrace it.

So even though I wrote a book about dating and relationships—a book that’s packed full of practical advice about how to be the most attractive and desirable man or woman you can be, I still can’t offer much advice about how you can find magic.

But I do know this: you have to be open to the magic when it does come. If you’re shut down emotionally or if you’re simply not ready to embrace it, you’re not going to recognize relationship magic when it starts to bloom. You’ll walk away and wonder why the magic of love never arrives in your life.

Chad Stone

Author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

www.middleagedbabemagnet.com

Advice for Everyone

Sometimes we all need to be reminded about stuff we already know. This goes for folks who are single, happily in relationships, dating over 50, young, old enough to be collecting Social Security—all of us.

This list of helpful life advice started out as an email pass-along that a friend sent to me. I have edited it, added to it, and deleted some items to make it a set of guidelines that will help you stay optimistic—no matter what experiences each day brings you.

1. Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And cut up the ones you aren’t using.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Just stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Make a conscious effort to attract positive, loving people into your life. Then don’t be surprised when the negative, crabby people drop out of your life.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Life is short. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

14 Stop often to take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. Go after what you love in life, and don't take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

21. Believe in miracles. You won’t experience them if you don’t believe in them.

22. Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Let time do its job.

29. Life is change. Go with it.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

32. Plant a garden.

33. If you love someone, tell them “I love you” as often as you can.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Help them enjoy it.

35. Be nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But always stand up for yourself.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Be thankful.

39. You will be happier today if you are optimistic about tomorrow.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

A Healthy Woman is a Happy Woman

A healthy relationship is based on a lot of different factors. One of the factors that tends to get overlooked is physical health. It’s very difficult to have a truly healthy relationship if you’re not physically healthy. If you feel like crap, your relationship is bound to suffer.


So, in the interest of good health, I want to pass along some great tips from a recent story in Parade magazine by Kalee Thompson. Ms. Thompson’s “Stay Healthy” story features a quiz about women’s health. So ladies, this info is right on target for you. And guys, take the advice that applies to both genders, and pass along the other tips to a woman you love. Here goes:

What Makes A Healthy Woman
Question #1: What’s the best thing you can do to improve your health?

a. Eat only organic veggies and fruits
b. Play a sport that you love
c. Stop paying attention to politics and anyone running for political office
d. Have more sex

The answer is b. Regular exercise is good for your body and mind in so many ways. It reduces the risk of diabetes and heart disease. It strengthens your muscles and bones. It reduces stress. Personally, I think having sex counts as playing a sport you love. But that’s just my opinion—I’m not a scientist.

Question #2: A woman’s happiness in a relationship is most closely correlated to:

a. How often her partner gives her compliments
b. How often her partner prepares dinner
c. How well her partner can sense if she is upset
d. How often she has sex with her partner

The answer is c. A man contributes greatly to a woman’s happiness when he is in tune with her moods. That doesn’t mean he takes a quick read of her mood, and sensing that she is stormy with a chance of rain, finds a reason to go to the sports bar to watch a game—any game. No, gentlemen, let her talk and keep your mouth shut. She needs to vent. And ladies, here’s a tip for you. A man is much more likely to feel satisfied in his relationship if his woman tells him when she’s happy. I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it: a man wants a woman he can please. He needs to know when his romantic partner is happy and content. He lives for that.

Question #3: Name the fruit that has been shown to keep a woman’s brain young.

a. Berries
b. Apples
c. Kiwi
d. That guy from the Bravo channel

The answer is a. The really smart men and women at Harvard University researched this topic with a test group of 16,000 subjects. They found that strawberries and blueberries made women’s brains 2.5 years younger than those of non-berry eaters and viewers of the Bravo network.

What Makes a Woman Happy

Here’s another factoid that could win you a bet or two. Chocoholics actually weigh less than women who rarely eat chocolate. Why? Perhaps chocolate turns up your metabolism. Or it could just be that the researchers “fudged” the results. Get it? Ha! Fudged the results.

Sometimes I crack myself up. Hey—know what else improves a woman’s health (and a man’s, too)? Laughter! You can look it up.

This is Chad Stone, Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, leaving the building before he wears out his welcome.

I Love You, My Little Snookums

Do you have a pet name for your girlfriend? Does your boyfriend have a pet name for you?

If so, you’ve arrived in the Snookums Zone. That’s right, my little CooCoo Butt, Cutie Pie, Honeybunch, Babycakes.

Pet names are as common in relationships as gross-out jokes in Bridesmaids 2. (The movie isn’t out yet, but you can trust me on this, Sweetie.)

But why? Why do we seem to naturally invent cutesy monikers for that special someone in our lives? Pat Love, author of several relationship books including How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, says pet names create a kind of a boundary around a relationship.

“It’s a way to identify the relationship as exclusive,” says Love. “It’s like an auditory marker.” In other words, when those around you overhear your lovey-dovey conversation, they know you’re committed to each other. (Check out Pat Love’s website here.)

That’s actually pretty cool. The very fact that you have cutesy pet names for each other means that you are in a Relationship, with a capital R. If you’re calling your girlfriend or boyfriend by a pet name, then you better have already pulled your profile from Match.com, let me tell you, Cupcake.

Are there actual benefits derived from using silly, personalized names for our lovers? Apparently, yes. One study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reported that the more goofy pet names, made-up terms, and covert requests for sexual favors a couple used, the higher their relationship satisfaction tended to be. (Wouldn’t you love to get paid to do a study like that?)

But please, PLEASE, don’t overdue the whole Snookums stuff in front of other people. Pet names are cute to a couple who uses them for each other, but they are so sugary sweet to any other human being that they cause instant diabetic shock and a gagging reflex. (Have you ever noticed how many pet names are variations on sweet things? We’re talking about everything from honey and muffin to sugar and sweet cheeks. It turns out that we humans must really love really sweet foods, and that carries over into the sweet names we give our Cutie Patooties.)

Did you hear what I said, Punkin’ Pie? You’re just so darn cute when you space out and don’t listen to me, aren’t you, my little Goober Lips?

By the way, if you don’t already have a cute pet name for your honey, then check out Pet Name Generator at www.links2love.com/nicknames.htm


This is Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off. And no, I won’t tell you the pet name that my wife calls me.

How to Win Gold ("Approved" Version)

It has come to my attention that the Olympic Committee is very protective of its copyrights, trademarks, sponsorship deals, etc. The Olympic Committee owns full rights to the words "Olympics," "Olympic Games," "olympian" and other variations. When you use any of those words in a non-approved, commercial context and you aren't McDonald's or Coca-Cola or another sponsor that has paid zillions of dollars to be associated with The Games, the Olympic Committee threatens to sue you.

Really. Even if you were to use a line such as "How to Win Gold in the Dating Olympics." Oh crap, that's the headline of my last blog post, isn't it?

OK. In an effort to show the Olympic Committee that I am not blantantly and knowingly using their trademarks for my own personal gain, I present this revised, "approved" version of my previous post.

Here goes:

How to “Win Gold” in the Ultimate Sport: Looking for Love

Santa Fe, NM— After the medals have been awarded in London, another kind of sporting event will dominate the thoughts of 99.6 million single American adults—Looking for Love

Chad Stone, author of a humorous guide to dating called Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet (available at www.amazon.com and www.middleagedbabemagnet.com), says there are many similarities between the sporting world games and modern dating.

“For many single adults, looking for love is a major event,” says Stone. “Men and women train for their dates as if they were competing in world-class sporting events, and many singles aren’t happy until they have won the equivalent of a gold medal in dating.”

According to Stone, there are seven sporting/dating styles used while Looking for Love:

Marathon Dater—A Marathon Dater goes on lots of dates. This is the “kiss a lot of frogs” approach to finding love. Sometimes, out of sheer persistence, this approach works. But sometimes Marathon Daters “hit the wall” and settle for a life of singleness.

The Sprinter—The Sprinter can’t stand to NOT have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Before his cell phone cools from the last breakup call, he is dashing off to find a replacement. When a female Sprinter finds someone she likes, she can’t wait to “cross the finish line.” We used to call a woman like this “easy.” Now we say she is behaving like a man.
Gold Medal Perfectionist—This type is great at first and second dates but never seems to find true love because he or she is holding out for the perfect partner. A Gold Medal Perfectionist is so picky that no mere mortal is ever good enough, so why bother with a third date?
The Coach—These know-it-alls freely share their vast knowledge of the opposite sex with anyone who will listen. But Coaches never take their own advice, and they rarely go out on successful dates.
Perpetual Training Mode—A female in Perpetual Training Mode faithfully reads several dating blogs and always looks great—because you know how important first impressions are. A male in Perpetual Training Mode goes to the gym a lot to work on his biceps. But all of this prep time leaves precious little time for actual dating.
Individual Medley Dater—Just like the swimmers who do four different strokes during a single race, Individual Medley Daters aren’t content to date just one person at a time. It may be fun for a while, but ultimately this type of dater gets himself into trouble when he gets the names of his dates mixed up.
Confident Competitor—The true champion in the Looking for Love competition combines the best qualities of several dating styles. Like the Gold Medal Perfectionists, they are looking for quality—but not perfection. They know that sometimes dating requires persistence. Confident Competitors finish the race at their own pace and ultimately find the man or woman of their dreams.


NOTE: I hope that the term "Win Gold" isn't also owned by the Olympic Committee. I guess if they do own it, I'll hear from their lawyers. :-(

What Do Men Want?

As men’s and women’s roles continue to change in our ever-changing world, some things never change. Men are still, on the whole, quite clueless about women. And women, even though they are less clueless, still don’t understand men.

Now that I’ve gotten your attention with the unvarnished, politically incorrect truth, let’s talk about what men want in women.

The following list appeared on www.topdatingtips.com, but I have edited it and made additional comments. OK, here we go!

• Men are looking for a love-interest. Surprised? Ask men what they really want, and they say love, not sex. Men like to love and they like being loved and appreciated in return.

• Men want a woman who is attractive to them. Yes, that seems like (to most women) that men are shallow if looks matter so much. But men aren't necessarily looking for a runway model. The typical man wants a woman who takes pride in her appearance. And men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good.

• Men are seeking women who are feminine, gentle and kind because those qualities also make a woman a great mother. Not that a typical man needs mothering. But even if they aren’t ready for marriage right now, men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

• Men appreciate women with a sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. Life can be a pain in the… neck, and a healthy sense of humor about life (and yourself) is a great way to make it all more enjoyable. No guy wants to be stuck with an uptight, humorless woman.

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity. If you’re a woman, don’t try to be “one of the boys.” Men have guy friends for that. Be a woman. Viva la difference!

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men. This is a crucial mistake. The best relationships are mutually supportive, not overly critical.

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are not attracted to passive doormats. A woman who keeps him challenged is invigorating and exciting. (There’s a difference between “challenged” and “threatened” however, so don’t take it too far.) If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged with your spunkiness and your ability to keep your man from falling into a rut.

• Men want sex. No big news there, right? But here’s a major difference between men and women: men have sex to bond and fall in love, while women have sex after they have bonded and want to express their love.

• Men are looking for a trustworthy woman. She must be a person they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them.

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing partner in home life. A basic level of domestic skills is attractive to most men. (Most men can use a little help in this department.)

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Men want a girlfriend with whom they can share and trust. This isn’t a one-sided wish, though. Commitment is a two-way street.

• Most men want to get married. Eventually. They want to feel like successful, independent adults first, but ultimately most men DO want to get married. But they have to feel like it’s on their timeline. They don’t like to feel pressured into “tying the knot.” (By the way, I’m pretty sure that the expression “tying the knot” was invented by a man who was feeling pressured into getting married.)

To summarize, a typical man wants a fun-to-be-with, trustworthy, reliable, sexy, single woman with whom he can have a long term relationship.

Now, when it comes right down to it, that’s not much different from the “wish list” of the typical modern woman, is it?

For more ongoing comments about dating and relationships, read my posts on www.datingwithoutdrama.com. Click on Advice from Men and search for the Chad Stone stories.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

Why Won’t Men Commit to a Relationship?

A study called “Why Men Won’t Commit: Exploring Young Men’s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage” examined the state of marriage in America from the male perspective. The study surveyed 60 single men between the ages of 25 to 33 northern New Jersey, Chicago, Washington, D.C. and Houston.

Researchers explored men’s attitudes on sex, dating, meeting women, living together, marrying a soul mate, the timing of marriage, social pressures to marry, divorce, desire for children and more.

According to the study, here are some of the reasons that young men are not committing to marriage:

• They are more willing to live together than marry.
• They can get sex without marriage.
• They want to avoid the financial fall-out of divorce.
• They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
• They want to delay having children.
• They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
• They are waiting for the perfect soul mate.
• They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.
• They want to own a house before they get a wife.

One of the things that this study revealed was that—unlike in earlier decades— there are no big social pressures on men to marry. As a result, men are delaying marriage. In 1960, half of all single men were married by 25 and the rest followed shortly thereafter. Today, the median age of a first marriage for men is 27. For college-educated men, it’s a year or two later—about age 29.

Here in the 21st century, anyone paying attention already knows that women are living with their boyfriends before they decide to get married. That way, both parties can see if they are compatible together. Experts say that half of all these live-in relationships eventually turn into marriages.

I think it is this new trend toward cohabitating that makes it SEEM like men are not willing to commit to a relationship. In fact, they ARE willing to commit to a relationship, it’s just that many men don’t see any benefits in turning their live-in girlfriends into wives. (Like Granddad always said, why buy the cow when you are already getting the milk for free.)

What do you think?

Three Strikes and She's Out

I have been seeing a woman named Michele, and I thought things were going well. But she has not responded to two text messages I sent her on Monday, nor has she returned my phone call from last night.

I wrote to my friend Ms. V. to get her opinion on Michele’s unresponsiveness. This was her comment:

"Re Michele: Not returning calls and text messages, as you know, is very bad. (Not to mention really rude.) It’s more commonly found in men, don’t you think, than women, who usually have a much higher level of “connectivity?” If it were me (and it HAS been me! ;-) ), I would just write her off. If she doesn’t have the common decency to even shoot you a quick email apologizing for being swamped, forget about her. Wasted effort. She doesn’t deserve you, by golly!"

Shit. Deep in my heart I already knew that. But I REALLY LIKE Michele. I was hoping she would be somebody special. But her rudeness/insensitivity/lack of common courtesy is not acceptable. It’s time to write her off.

In fact, Michele is behaving like a man. After the initial attraction, she has reached the “is he/she really what I’m looking for” point of the dating relationship, and she has pulled back. She has gone incommunicado, and there’s no way for me to know why.

Oh, cruel, cruel fate! Oh woe is me! What have I done to deserve this? Of all the injustices served up by a heartless world, can there be anything more painful? This is the cruelest form of Instant Karma imaginable. Michele was going to be THE ONE! I was willing to put aside all other dates and focus all of my attentions on her. She was going to be the object of my affections, the recipient of all of my passions. I had already begun to construct the pedestal that she would stand upon when I worshipped her. And then she DOES THIS TO ME!

Yes, she is behaving like a man and I am reacting like a woman. But WHAT ELSE am I to do? She does not know the pain she is inflicting upon me. She does not know that I think of her dozens of times a day. I pick up my cell phone every 15 minutes to see if I have somehow missed her call, even though I have been staring at the phone the entire time.

Michele and I went out on five dates together. Count ‘em, FIVE. That’s enough time spent together to know that we were growing closer. Weren’t we behaving like a COUPLE on our last date? Didn’t she grab me by the hand and lead me through a crowded club for all the world to see that we were TOGETHER? Didn’t she snuggled up to me and kiss me and tell me she had a great time?

Then what, in God’s name happened?

I must call all of my female friends and spend hours on the phone rehashing every single moment and getting their fervent input. We must talk about every detail of our five dates. All of the time she spent gazing into my eyes as I regaled her with stories of adventures and humorous anecdotes.

We laughed, we ate fine food, we drank fine wine, we held hands, we kissed playfully and passionately. WHAT WENT WRONG?

Perhaps I should drive over to her house and knock on her door and find out what’s going on. No, I don’t want to appear too needy. That’s a definite turn-off. So maybe I should park my car down the street from her house and just watch when she comes and goes. It wouldn’t be spying, really. I just want to make sure that she’s all right. Maybe she’s sick. Maybe she’s slipped on the wet bathroom floor and hit her head and she’s unable to reach her phone to return calls or send text messages.

OK, my rule has always been three strikes and you’re out. I make three attempts to contact a woman, and if I don’t hear from her, I move on. But shouldn’t I make an exception for someone that I really like? Instead of three strikes and she’s out, maybe if I give her four balls before I take a walk? What about that? That would mean that I could call her one more time.

No. NO NO NO NO NO! Don’t be a goddam weenie. Suck it up and move on.

Babe Magnet Rule #17:
When a woman dumps you, get over it and find your balls. You’re going to need them someday.