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| There are at least 5 ways that men kill relationships. Who am I kidding? There are probably 500. No wonder this woman looks so cranky. |
Men aren’t
always good at relationships. Sometimes men do stupid things to kill relationships. It says so right here in the “Duh” file.
Sometimes men can be focused things like work and forget they have to invest
some time and emotional energy in their love relationships. Sometimes men
expect women to be just as simple as men are—which can really kill a
relationship.
There are
lots of relationship-killing behaviors that men cluelessly use to chase their
women away. These relationship killers, when used excessively, can be described
as relationship-killing personality types.
So here are
five ways that men act that kill relationships.When they act like the characters that I describe below, women hit the road.
Mr. Needy
The first way that men kill relationships is by behaving like a needy, wimpy man. This is not attractive to a woman. In
fact, it’s a complete turn-off. Most women are attracted to the masculine
traits of strength, decisiveness, leadership and vision. When a woman lists
what she’s looking for in a man, she never says, “I want a man with no self
confidence and no friends, who needs my undivided attention constantly.” One of
the reasons a man can turn into Mr. Needy is he falls for the woman before she
falls for him. When that happens, he needs to make sure he doesn’t get whiny
and wimpy.
The Baggage Man
We all arrive in a new relationship with some baggage. Some
of us arrive on a first or second date with enough baggage for an around the
world cruise. Some of us arrive with just a small overnight bag, and we tuck it
under the table and never mention it.
Mr. Baggage Man doesn’t just have a lot of baggage—he’s attached to it.
It defines who he is. He might have a bag packed with all of his broken-heart
wounds. Another is filled with how “bad and wrong” women are. And he always
seems to be comparing his new girlfriend to his last lover.
It’s human nature to do a little comparing. As you get to
know a new lover, you can’t help but compare her to your last girlfriend. But
gentlemen, keep it to yourself. Most women do not want to hear about how they
measure up to the last wife or girlfriend. When Mr. Baggage Man says, “My
ex-wife always loved my jokes” or “My old girlfriend liked it when I sat around
watching football on TV,” he doesn’t realize that he’s about to have another
ex-girlfriend.
Mr. Tool
Calling a man a “tool” is not a compliment. We’re not
talking about a guy who can fix anything around the house. Mr. Tool thinks he’s
God’s gift to women. He is hot and he knows it. Of course, he’s never as hot as
he thinks he is, but you can’t convince him of that. Mr. Tool is so full of
himself that he thinks every woman should be flattered just to be in his
presence. Because of his inflated opinion of himself, he usually treats women
like crap. Sure, some women will put up with this kind of behavior for a
while—as long as Mr. Tool looks like Brad Pitt and can show her a good time.
But there’s a reason that Mr. Tool has a long string of relationships that
don’t last very long. When you’re a jerk, no one wants to be around you.
Mama’s Boy
A woman wants a man who acts like a man. Men are supposed
to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. It’s a real
turn-off for a woman when she sees a man who still clings to his mother’s apron
strings. It’s one thing for a man to treat his mother with respect and talk to
her regularly about what’s going on in his life. But when he starts cancelling
dates or previous commitments with his girlfriend so he can run over to his
mother’s house to change a light bulb, that’s Mama’s Boy territory.
Unfortunately, ladies, Mama can really turn on the guilt machine to get her
Mama’s Boy to do what she wants. It’s really hard to compete with that. If he’s
too much of a Mama’s Boy, then you might want to find a real man.
Mr. Cheapskate
There’s a wonderful magic in a relationship when a man is
actively trying to win the heart of a woman. He wants to please her and he
wants to impress her. And for centuries, one of the most successful ways to do
this is for the man to treat her like a princess by taking her to fine
restaurants, taking her to concerts, buying her flowers and finding pleasant
ways to spend his hard-earned money on her. The early phase of a relationship
can be an expensive proposition for a man, but if he wants to win the heart of
a woman, being generous and gracious is a proven path to success.
But here in the era of gender equality and women who earn
good incomes, sometimes a man can start to think that he shouldn’t pay for
everything. Taken to the extreme, a guy like this starts to look like Mr.
Cheapskate. If a man asks a woman out on a date—especially a first, second or
third date—he should pay for it. When a woman graciously offers to pay for
dessert, don’t become Mr. Cheapskate. Instead, graciously thank her and
decline. Mr. Cheapskate doesn’t want to spend his money on a woman, because
that leaves him less money to spend on computer games and expensive toys. But
what kind of message does that send to the woman he’s with?
Chad Stone is the
author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.
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