A Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Apology

I have been informed by a woman whose opinion I value greatly that my last post sucked. She said it was crass and an insult to women. She was offended by it.

OK. I have my Big Boy Boxers on and I can take a little criticism. I freely admit that the last post was deliberately over the top. I went over the line in an attempt to be funny. I included material that wasn’t true because it was meant as a joke. As I have learned over the years, funny is often in the eyes of the beholder.

Sometimes it comes back to bite you in the butt. Like now.

This is, by the way, why I would never make it as a politician. It wouldn’t take long for me to put my foot in my mouth and cause a scandal of global proportions.

So let’s take a moment to review the last post. The part about me receiving an email from eHarmony? It was a total fabrication. I repeated the text of a forwarded email that I received. I thought it was funny, in a crass, over-the-top, juvenile male way.

Women do not share this sense of humor. Consequently, I won’t be including any more of it in this blog.

Men, if you want to read sexually explicit jokes, you’re just going to have to go somewhere else. Sorry.

I was also “called on the carpet” for suggesting that online dating was for losers. (Actually, I quoted a female friend who told me that SHE THOUGHT online dating was for losers.)

Well, I don’t agree with her. As I said earlier, if she’s right then I’M A LOSER, TOO. She is entitled to her opinion, but I happen to think that online dating is a wonderful resource. What a great way to quickly peruse profiles of dozens of local single people in your local area. When used intelligently, online dating sites are a great way to get to know people you might not otherwise ever meet. Online dating is fabulous invention, and I have used it successfully myself.

And, no, I do not really think that women who use online dating sites are “loose.” That was also an attempt at a joke.

So, ladies, please do not be any more offended than you need to be. I meant it all in fun. I know that dating is tough enough without having to deal with male a-holes, but sometimes we (including me) just can’t help ourselves.

Hey, did you hear the one about the priest and the blind prostitute?

Oh, wait. Nevermind.

Going for that first kiss

A middle-aged friend of mine named Roscoe has been out with a woman twice. He hasn't kissed her yet, and he asked me for some advice.

It's kind of funny that middle-aged people would have any questions at all about kissing. We've been kissing our whole lives. Ah, but that first kiss with somone new. It's still an exciting moment-- I don't care how old you are.

So Roscoe asked me, should he ask her permission to kiss her, or should he just go ahead and move in for that first kiss when the time is right. It's a good question.

Most of the women I've talked to about this have said something like this: "I like it when a man makes the move. He doesn't need to ask me for permission. When I am ready for him to kiss me, I am giving him permission with my body language and my eyes. He should know it's time to move in for the kiss."

Plus, there is something romantic about a man taking the initiative that women like. Sure, we're all uber-enlightened and liberated in the gender-equal 21st century. But many of our dating rituals are just plain old-fashioned-- and men and women both seem to like it that way.

My advice to Roscoe was, "Watch for the signals. Let your body language communicate your interest, and when you get the same signals from her, go ahead and kiss her.

Hey, does anyone out there have a great "first kiss" story?