The Worst Pickup Lines Ever



Do pickup lines really work?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
The key is in the delivery.

 I’ve been having fun looking for the worst pickup lines ever. You know how guys are always looking for the magic words that will open a woman’s heart—or at least get her to talk to him?

Well, there are some bad lines out there. I’m talking about really bad lines.

Groaners. Lines that are downright embarrassing. Lines that no human being should utter.

Ever.

How bad? Well, check out the pickup lines below.

The Best of the Bad Pickup Lines

(In other words, these are really bad.)

Is this your first time on this planet?

I know you’re a complete stranger, but I’d gladly waste one of my Spotify invitations on you. Give me your number and I’ll throw in a Google+ invite. I’d put you in my ‘Babe’ Circle.

As of now, my mother doesn’t have a Facebook account so, if we were to take this thing to the next level, you wouldn’t have to worry about rejecting her inappropriate Family Request.

You must be low density lipoprotein cholesterol because you just stopped my heart.

Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and the friction during re-entry must have been really high.
Should I call you for breakfast or just nudge you?

'Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy.

Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Can I borrow a quarter? My mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

You're like a compass: without you, I'd be lost.

Are your pants made of Windex? Cause, baby, I can see myself in them.

I hope you know CPR, baby, cause when you walked into the room, my heart stopped beating.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Am I dead? Because I think I just met an angel.

I'd appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.

Are you a Kleptomaniac? Because you just stole my heart.

Bad Pickup Lines That Might Actually Work

Hi. My name is Windows. Can I crash at your place?

How about we slip into something more comfortable... like some Star Trek Voyager pajamas at my apartment!

I wish I was your math homework because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.

Haven't we met in World of Warcraft?

Hi. Is your name Google? Because you have everything that I am searching for.

No matter how many times I travel back in time to this moment I always get nervous about talking to you

I'd bet you dinner that you won't go to dinner with me.

I'm an organ donor. Need anything?


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Thanks to the users of Quora.com for most of these horrible pickup lines! If you’d like to read more about pickup lines—and why they sometimes work and sometime don’t—get a copy of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone. You can also visit my website at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

A Healthy Woman is a Happy Woman

A healthy relationship is based on a lot of different factors. One of the factors that tends to get overlooked is physical health. It’s very difficult to have a truly healthy relationship if you’re not physically healthy. If you feel like crap, your relationship is bound to suffer.


So, in the interest of good health, I want to pass along some great tips from a recent story in Parade magazine by Kalee Thompson. Ms. Thompson’s “Stay Healthy” story features a quiz about women’s health. So ladies, this info is right on target for you. And guys, take the advice that applies to both genders, and pass along the other tips to a woman you love. Here goes:

What Makes A Healthy Woman
Question #1: What’s the best thing you can do to improve your health?

a. Eat only organic veggies and fruits
b. Play a sport that you love
c. Stop paying attention to politics and anyone running for political office
d. Have more sex

The answer is b. Regular exercise is good for your body and mind in so many ways. It reduces the risk of diabetes and heart disease. It strengthens your muscles and bones. It reduces stress. Personally, I think having sex counts as playing a sport you love. But that’s just my opinion—I’m not a scientist.

Question #2: A woman’s happiness in a relationship is most closely correlated to:

a. How often her partner gives her compliments
b. How often her partner prepares dinner
c. How well her partner can sense if she is upset
d. How often she has sex with her partner

The answer is c. A man contributes greatly to a woman’s happiness when he is in tune with her moods. That doesn’t mean he takes a quick read of her mood, and sensing that she is stormy with a chance of rain, finds a reason to go to the sports bar to watch a game—any game. No, gentlemen, let her talk and keep your mouth shut. She needs to vent. And ladies, here’s a tip for you. A man is much more likely to feel satisfied in his relationship if his woman tells him when she’s happy. I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it: a man wants a woman he can please. He needs to know when his romantic partner is happy and content. He lives for that.

Question #3: Name the fruit that has been shown to keep a woman’s brain young.

a. Berries
b. Apples
c. Kiwi
d. That guy from the Bravo channel

The answer is a. The really smart men and women at Harvard University researched this topic with a test group of 16,000 subjects. They found that strawberries and blueberries made women’s brains 2.5 years younger than those of non-berry eaters and viewers of the Bravo network.

What Makes a Woman Happy

Here’s another factoid that could win you a bet or two. Chocoholics actually weigh less than women who rarely eat chocolate. Why? Perhaps chocolate turns up your metabolism. Or it could just be that the researchers “fudged” the results. Get it? Ha! Fudged the results.

Sometimes I crack myself up. Hey—know what else improves a woman’s health (and a man’s, too)? Laughter! You can look it up.

This is Chad Stone, Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, leaving the building before he wears out his welcome.