How to Win Gold ("Approved" Version)

It has come to my attention that the Olympic Committee is very protective of its copyrights, trademarks, sponsorship deals, etc. The Olympic Committee owns full rights to the words "Olympics," "Olympic Games," "olympian" and other variations. When you use any of those words in a non-approved, commercial context and you aren't McDonald's or Coca-Cola or another sponsor that has paid zillions of dollars to be associated with The Games, the Olympic Committee threatens to sue you.

Really. Even if you were to use a line such as "How to Win Gold in the Dating Olympics." Oh crap, that's the headline of my last blog post, isn't it?

OK. In an effort to show the Olympic Committee that I am not blantantly and knowingly using their trademarks for my own personal gain, I present this revised, "approved" version of my previous post.

Here goes:

How to “Win Gold” in the Ultimate Sport: Looking for Love

Santa Fe, NM— After the medals have been awarded in London, another kind of sporting event will dominate the thoughts of 99.6 million single American adults—Looking for Love

Chad Stone, author of a humorous guide to dating called Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet (available at www.amazon.com and www.middleagedbabemagnet.com), says there are many similarities between the sporting world games and modern dating.

“For many single adults, looking for love is a major event,” says Stone. “Men and women train for their dates as if they were competing in world-class sporting events, and many singles aren’t happy until they have won the equivalent of a gold medal in dating.”

According to Stone, there are seven sporting/dating styles used while Looking for Love:

Marathon Dater—A Marathon Dater goes on lots of dates. This is the “kiss a lot of frogs” approach to finding love. Sometimes, out of sheer persistence, this approach works. But sometimes Marathon Daters “hit the wall” and settle for a life of singleness.

The Sprinter—The Sprinter can’t stand to NOT have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Before his cell phone cools from the last breakup call, he is dashing off to find a replacement. When a female Sprinter finds someone she likes, she can’t wait to “cross the finish line.” We used to call a woman like this “easy.” Now we say she is behaving like a man.
Gold Medal Perfectionist—This type is great at first and second dates but never seems to find true love because he or she is holding out for the perfect partner. A Gold Medal Perfectionist is so picky that no mere mortal is ever good enough, so why bother with a third date?
The Coach—These know-it-alls freely share their vast knowledge of the opposite sex with anyone who will listen. But Coaches never take their own advice, and they rarely go out on successful dates.
Perpetual Training Mode—A female in Perpetual Training Mode faithfully reads several dating blogs and always looks great—because you know how important first impressions are. A male in Perpetual Training Mode goes to the gym a lot to work on his biceps. But all of this prep time leaves precious little time for actual dating.
Individual Medley Dater—Just like the swimmers who do four different strokes during a single race, Individual Medley Daters aren’t content to date just one person at a time. It may be fun for a while, but ultimately this type of dater gets himself into trouble when he gets the names of his dates mixed up.
Confident Competitor—The true champion in the Looking for Love competition combines the best qualities of several dating styles. Like the Gold Medal Perfectionists, they are looking for quality—but not perfection. They know that sometimes dating requires persistence. Confident Competitors finish the race at their own pace and ultimately find the man or woman of their dreams.


NOTE: I hope that the term "Win Gold" isn't also owned by the Olympic Committee. I guess if they do own it, I'll hear from their lawyers. :-(

How to “Win Gold” in the Dating Olympics

After the medals have been awarded at the Olympic Games in London, another kind of Olympics will once again dominate the thoughts of millions of people. This is the “Dating Olympics,” which consumes the hearts and minds of 99.6 million unmarried adults in America.

Chad Stone, author of a humorous guide to dating called Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet (www.middleagedbabemagnet.com), says there are many similarities between the Olympic Games and modern dating.

“For many single adults, dating is an Olympic sport,” says Stone. “Many men and women train for their dates as if they were competing in a world-class sporting event, and many singles aren’t happy until they have won the equivalent of a gold medal in dating.”

According to Stone, there are eight dating styles in the Dating Olympics:

Marathon Dater—Just as a marathon runner logs a lot of miles, the Marathon Dater goes on lots of dates. These dates are spread across many years, leaving the Marathon Dater exhausted. This is the “kiss a lot of frogs” approach to finding love. Sometimes, out of sheer persistence, this approach works. But sometimes Marathon Daters “hit the wall” and settle for a life of singleness.

The Sprinter—The Sprinter can’t stand to NOT have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Before his cell phone cools from the last breakup call, he is dashing off to find a replacement. When a female Sprinter finds someone she likes, she can’t wait to “cross the finish line.” We used to call women like this “easy.” Now we say she is behaving like a man.

Gold Medal Perfectionist—Have you ever known someone who is great at first and second dates, but never seems to find true love? Gold Medal Perfectionists hold out for that Perfect 10 that is sometimes (very rarely) achieved during an Olympic event, but almost never happens in real life. A Gold Medal Perfectionist is so picky that no mere mortal is ever good enough, so why bother with a third date?

The Coach—These know-it-alls freely share their vast knowledge of the opposite sex with anyone who will listen. They give great pep talks to friends who have just returned from a horrible date. They give free advice about relationships and what  their friends did wrong on their dates. But somehow these Coaches never take their own advice, and they rarely go out on successful dates.

Perpetual Training Mode—These singles seem to always be preparing for getting back into the dating game. A female in Perpetual Training Mode reads several dating blogs, always looks great and is probably addicted to mani-pedis, because you know how important first impressions are. A male in Perpetual Training Mode goes to the gym a lot to work on his biceps. (Your biceps can never be too big.) But all of this prep time leaves precious little time for actual dating.

Out-of-the-Medals—This type is the polar opposite of the Gold Medal Perfectionist. He or she isn’t nearly picky enough. Why wait for a Gold Medalist when you can go out with someone who didn’t make the Olympic team, but has a really cool Olympics souvenir t-shirt? Unfortunately, people who settle for anyone with a pulse quickly get bored with these losers. But when your standards are this low, at least you can always find someone to go out with.

Individual Medley Dater—Just like the swimmers who do four different strokes during a single race, Individual Medley Daters aren’t content to date just one person at a time. It may be fun for a while, but ultimately this type of dater gets himself into trouble when he gets the names of his dates mixed up.

Confident Competitor—The true champion in the dating arena combines the best qualities of the other Olympic dating styles. Like the Gold Medal Perfectionists, they are looking for quality—but they know that perfection is for fairy tales, not for real life. Confident Competitors are their own best coaches, but they aren’t afraid to put themselves in the game. Like Marathon Daters, they know that sometimes you need persistence to keep dating in order to find someone worthy of a commitment. The Confident Competitors don’t panic and don’t pull muscles from trying too hard. They finish the race at their own pace, and by knowing what they want and not settling for an also-ran, they find the man or woman of their dreams.

Chad Stone’s humorous guide to dating, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, contains lots of additional advice and observations about dating and relationships in the 21^st century. Chad Stone uses his post-divorce experiences to illustrate a series of “Babe Magnet Rules” that provide insightful advice on how to find, woo and win a modern woman. For women, the book offers a rare, uncensored look into the mind of a single man.

 

Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone is available from as a trade paperback and an eBook from www.amazon.com. More information is available at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com.

Is Your Dog Helping Your Love Life?



This is NOT a manly man dog.



Now you have a new excuse if your love life stinks: Blame your dog.

Smart men have known for a long time that dogs can be babe magnets. The right dog, at the right place and time (such as at a park on a sunny Saturday afternoon) can be the perfect conversation starter between a single man and a single woman.

But what kind of dog is best? And what kind of dog is a buzz-kill for your love life?

Kloof, a new iPhone app for pet lovers, conducted a study of which breeds of dog might be the best babe magnet or man magnet for its owner. I’m sure we are all dying to find out the results of the survey, right?

There’s good news for women who own golden retrievers. That was the breed selected in this unscientific survey to be the number one breed to attract men. And those men are most likely to view women with golden retrievers as “girlfriend material.” Rounding out the Top Five “man magnet” dogs were Labrador retrievers, Chihuahuas, poodles and beagles.

I understand the logic of golden retrievers and labradors being man magnets. After all, those are dogs that appeal to manly men. Those are real dogs—dogs that like to chase things and bring them back to you; dogs that are way too big to sit comfortably in your lap or ride around in a pink purse. But I don’t know why Chihuahuas, poodles and beagles are man magnets. Chihuahuas and poodles are girly dogs, and beagles are the dumbest breed of dog on the planet. A beagle is dumber that a box of oatmeal.

In the babe magnet category, these breeds of dogs were ranked by women as those that would make them think most highly of the men that owned them: German shepherds, golden retrievers, Labrador retrievers, Siberian huskies and French bulldogs. According to the survey, men with German shepherds and retrievers are seen as “great dad” material, and men who own a Siberian husky are “manly.”



There are some dog breeds that transfer a negative connotation to their owners. Men say that women with a poodle or Chihuahua are likely to be “high maintenance.” And women say that men who own bulldogs, boxers and rottweilers are, shall we say, not the sharpest tools in the shed.

How does this “Dog Theory of Sexiness” actually play in the real world? Well, I have never in my life owned a “manly” dog, but I did own a girlie-man poodle when I met the lovely woman who has since become my lovely wife. Fortunately (especially for me), owning a girlie-man dog was not a deal-breaker for her. She was able to look past my poodle and see the manly man within me.

But, if you’re a guy with a poodle or other non-manly dog, now you have a great excuse if you aren’t happy with your love life. But then you’ll have to deal with the guilt trip that your dog lays on you.

Chad Stone

Author, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

(available on amazon.com)



Why don’t women understand men?

Why don’t women understand men? Is it because men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, as author John Gray says?




Well, sort of.



Men and women ARE hardwired differently, so men behave like men, and women behave like women. And one dramatic difference in this hardwiring is that women seem to be a lot more interested in understanding men than men are in understanding women.



Why do I say this? I got myself on an email list that offers a steady stream of dating advice for women. Along with that is a steady stream of free advice is a steady stream of offers to buy “foolproof” guides that contain magical secrets to finding men, getting them to fall in love with you and getting them to commit to you forever and ever, amen.



Here are just some of the phrases that are used in these sales pitches”



“understand any man”

“learn how to say the words that will get him to commit”

“the ultimate guide to the male mind”

“overcome frustrations with men”

“connect with a man on a deep emotional level”

“what you should never say to a man”

“the secret to getting him to love you for who you are”

“touch the primal part of his mind”

“miraculous results”

“relationships are the only source of true happiness”



Based upon the phrases used in these sales pitches, women are frustrated by men, and they want desperately to understand men. They want expert dating advice, and they are willing to pay for it. One guide that offers information about “The Respect Principle” is just 31 pages long and sells for $47. (By the way, the Respect Principle says that men would rather be respected than loved, which is, by and large, true for the majority of men.)



So women are willing to spend $47 for a short guide that helps them understand men, while men are content with $10 books that tell them how to pick up women.



Let me tell you a little secret. Men and women will never fully understand each other. Never. But that’s OK, because the differences in the sexes is what makes relationships so deliciously wonderful when they work. But the key to any relationship—and the key to understanding as much as you can about the opposite sex—is communication.



Talk to each other. Tell her what you want. Ask him how he wants to be treated. Tell her how you feel. Share with him what you love about him. Why? Because communication is the key to relationship happiness.



This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

After you've written a book, people start asking you questions about the topic of your book. That's because writing a book automatically makes you an expert. So, since the recent publication of my dating memoir/self-help book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I've begun receiving emails that ask me questions about dating and relationships. Plus, some men and women want to share their dating stories with me.

And I think that's pretty cool.



From time to time I'm going to share some of those questions in this blog, and I'll also share my answers. So here goes:

Dear Chad:

My boyfriend and I are getting pretty serious (spending 3 or 4 nights together every week), and he's been talking a lot about moving in together. We're not engaged, and I'm worried if I move in with him he'll never feel the need to get married. What should I do? I don't want our relationship to stall out but I'm worried that he won't want to "buy the cow if he can get the milk for free."

Thanks for any insight.

Stephanie
Dear Stephanie:

I hate to break it to you, but unless you and your boyfriend are sleeping in separate bedrooms when he stays over, he's already getting the milk for free. But the decision to move in together is a big one, and It sounds like what you ultimately want is marriage. Right? So talk to him. Communication is important in every stage of a relationship, especially when BIG decisions need to be made.

Have you ever talked about the M word with him? If not, you better talk soon. Don't scare him away with an ultimatum or deadline, but make sure he knows how you feel about marriage. AND MAKE SURE YOU FIND OUT HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT. If he's one of those hard-to-pin-down, doesn't-want-to-make-a-commitment males, then you are probably not going to change him. No matter how wonderful you are.

Signed,
Chad Stone
Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, available on http://www.amazon.com/.

In Praise of Women

Sometimes we need to pause, reflect and appreciate. When we're dating, sometimes we get so caught up in DATING that we forget why we're looking for that special someone in our lives. When we're in a relationship, sometimes we forget to appreciate that special someone who is ALREADY in our lives.

So, on behalf of men everywhere, I would like to take a moment to appreciate what makes women so attractive, delightful and breath-taking to men.

It is quite true that men and women are very different creatures. No one has described this difference better than John Gray in his Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of insightful books. I believe that the differences between the sexes is where the chemistry of romance is brewed.

What do I love about women? Ladies, I love your passion. I love that you can get excited over impossibly tall high-heeled shoes. I love it that you find shoes "cute." I love that you're willing to wear shoes tall enough to give you a nose bleed if you think men will find you attractive in them.

I love women because they can't walk past those "Adopt a Pet" displays in the parking lot in front of Whole Foods. While a man says, "We already have a dog," a woman says, "But look at this one-- she's so CUTE!" Women are the reason that Americans have more pets than children.

I love women because they always have something to say. Men, on the other hand, never have anything to say. When two men haven't seen each other for three months, one asks, "What's new?" The other one says, "Same old, same old," forgetting all about his brother's operation and his sister's wedding. But two women who have just returned from the restroom together can talk for hours about the mutural friend that they just discovered they had. If it wasn't for women's verbal communications skills, we men wouldn't know anything about anyone.

I love the gentle, nurturing side of women. While men are all hard edges and tough exteriors, women are soft and inviting. Women invented hugging. Women invented kissing a hurt finger to make it better. Women naturally nurture themselves, every person on the planet and the planet itself. If it weren't for women, men would have blown up the Earth a long time ago.

I love women because they encourage men to be more human. There is nothing wrong with the manly pursuits of building stuff and going into corporate battle, but without women's humanizing influence, men would never do anything but work, battle and afterwards colapse into a heap on the couch.

It's women who convince us men to go on vacations and invite the neighbors over for dinner. Women help us remember to celebrate birthdays and take better care of ourselves. Women remind us to appreciate everything we have to appreciate in our lives.

And I, for one, appreciate everything that women do. Women make life fun. And for that, I thank you all.
------------

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man's Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century, which is available on amazon.com. The book has a happy ending, because Chad finds a woman to love and appreciate. And appreciate her, he does.

Talking about dating with the Broadminded Women

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Molly and Christine on the Broadminded show on Sirus XM radio. Both ladies were smart, funny and excellent interviewers. We talked about my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone, and we had a great time.

It was fun to share my dating experiences with Molly and Christine, who are both currently single. They wanted to know what women are doing wrong in the dating world, and that naturally began a discussion of online dating.

I told the ladies that most women don't realized that their online dating profiles aren't about sharing, they're about selling. That's right, online dating profiles are sales brochures. And the product you're selling is yourself. (This goes for men, too.)

Instead of sharing all about your darkest inner secrets, you online profile should present your very best attributes. Start with a nice photo of yourself. Get someone who knows how to take a good photo to take some head shots of you. (And no, Molly and Christine, I am not talking about a "boudior" photo like the ones you get at the mall photo studios.) Smile, for God's sake. Look happy and friendly.

Then, when you are describing yourself, don't go off on a rant about how you know what you want and know what you're willing to put up with in a man, "so don't ask me to compromise because I won't." Does that sound like the kind of woman that a man is going to approach? No way.

Write a profile that makes you sound fun. Write a profile that makes you sound like a man can woo you and make you happy. One of the things that women simply don't understand about men is that men love to please their women. So if you sound like a woman who is cranky and impossible to please, then you might as well be spreading Man Repellent around. The men will stay away in droves.

As I told Molly and Christine on their show, I firmly believe that all of us-- no matter how old we are or what our relationship experience is-- can find love. But in order for that to happen, we've got to BELIEVE it can happen, and then we have to do everything possible to MAKE it happen.

For lots more on this topic and advice about dating, go to amazon.com and by my book. Then write to me and tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know if my advice and my experience is helpful for you.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

:-)