The Final Word on How to Have a Great First Date

During our last two posts, we talked about how to have a great first date. There’s all the first date prep. There’s getting your great first date look together so you make an awesome first impression. There’s choosing the right location for your great first date. And, of course, you need to know what to talk about—and also which topics to NOT talk about.

In many ways, a first date is like a job interview. You are applying for the opening for Girlfriend (or Boyfriend), and your goal is to get to the next interview. How do you do that? Start by asking good questions. Listen to the answers.  Show that you are interested in your date and what he or she says. Reveal some positive things about yourself and your interests in an unforced, conversational way. Smile and enjoy yourself!

"You're hired!" Well, that's sort of what a first date can be like.

 

You might indeed be on a “job interview” of sorts, but a first date is actually much more than that. Sure, you’ve got to make a good impression and reveal the best aspects of your personality. But you also have to get to know the person sitting across from you. Because if a first date really is a job interview, it’s a two-way job interview. You’re both interviewing each other, and it’s only successful if you both shine.

You know how to tell if your date is clicking? The time just FLIES by. The two of you never run out of things to say. That’s how it was for Mueller when he first met Daphne. Mueller had been on quite a few dates. He was almost a professional dater, because he was very picky and he was looking for the love of his life. When he met Daphne for dinner at his favorite Italian restaurant, he was starting to wonder if he had been too picky. But Daphne had a smile that dazzled him, and Mueller had a gentle way about him that touched Daphne’s heart. They both couldn’t stop smiling at each other, and they made each other laugh. The longer they talked, the more they had in common.

 

You've heard of the expression "time flies." No, it's not a literal thing, not matter how good this illustration is. But time whizzing by is one thing that makes a great first date, well, great.

Then, there was the big C-word—Chemistry. It’s difficult to describe chemistry using words, but most of us know it when we feel it. Chemistry is a biological, physical and emotional attraction to another person. Both Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night. Chemistry isn’t logical, so you can sometimes overthink it and talk yourself out of it.

No. Not this kind of chemistry. The Good Kind of chemistry.

 

Fortunately, Mueller and Daphne felt the chemistry that night, and they paid attention to it. Their romance is still going strong, and it looks like it will be going strong for years to come.

And that, my friends, is why you go out on a first date. Because sometimes, if you’re lucky and if you’re paying attention, the chemistry cooks and the stars align and that first date leads to the love of your life.

All you need is love.

 

For more tips on how to meet the love of your life, read Chad Stone’s self-help memoir Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. The book was recently named a finalist for Best Self Help Book by the prestigious New Mexico/Arizona Book Awards.   

 

How to Have a Great First Date (Part 2)

Our discussion on the topic, How to Have a Great First Date continues...

 

You’re all ready for a great first date with someone you barely know. Your body is clean, your clothes are clean, and you’re dressed for dating success. You are ready to meet the love of your life. (Hey, it could happen. I know this from personal experience-- because it happened to me.)

Gentlemen, if you are following the rules I set out in my book, Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50, you selected a suitable location for this great first date.



This is NOT a good choice for a first date. Never, ever.

 

If this is a “meet and greet” date, then you’re probably meeting at a Starbucks of a similar local coffee spot. There is nothing wrong with a coffee date. It’s a casual, low-pressure way to get to know someone. If her or she sparks your interest, great! If not, it’s no harm no foul, and you can move on.



A first date that doesn't work out is like incidental contact in a basketball game. "No harm, no foul."

(Photo by the Birmingham News)

 

If you want to make a bigger first impression, then you have invited her to dine with you at a nice, but not too fancy, restaurant. In an age of “meet and greet” first dates, a real dinner date is a great way to get a woman’s attention.

Now, follow Babe Magnet Rule #30: Be the first to arrive for a date—especially a first date. Give yourself a few minutes to claim the place as your own. This will give you extra confidence and help put you in command of the date. And Babes love a confident man.

When you meet your date, use your best old-school manners. Guys, look your date in the eyes and tell her how glad you are to meet her. Girls, look him in the eyes and smile. He will melt.



It doesn't take much for a woman to melt a man. A nice smile will do it every time.

 

So, now what? What should you talk about? And what topics should you avoid? Well, the number one topic you should NOT talk about on a first date is ex-spouses and ex-lovers. The trouble with talking about ex-lovers is that it’s an emotionally charged topic. Love Gone Bad is not a fun topic, and relationship breakups are not happy events. Do you really want to travel into the Black Hole of a Dead Relationship with someone you barely know? I think not.

Here’s the best thing that could happen when you talk about your ex. You say something like, “My ex-wife is a wonderful person, but over the years we grew less and less compatible.” That sounds reasonable, right? You’re over your ex and you’re not bitter. On some days, you’re so enlightened that your friends call you Gandhi. But you still run the risk of your date only hearing the “my ex-wife is a wonderful person” part and now she’s wondering if you’re really over her yet.

 

Try not to talk about ex-lovers, religion or politics on a first date.

 

So, what do you talk about? Fun stuff. Positive stuff. Amusing things that have happened to you lately. Before your date, think about some fun stuff you can talk about. One way to avoid the dreaded AWKWARD SILENCE OF A FIRST DATE is to always have a few little stories to tell.

I suggest that everyone have three “talk show stories” that they can tell during a date or any social setting. These are the kinds of stories that are fun, easy to listen to, and don’t challenge anyone’s beliefs or opinions.

Back when I was single and was a self-proclaimed Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, I used to tell a funny story about my youngest son. (Almost anyone can appreciate a funny kid story.) I also told the story about how my cat adopted me after my dog died. (Women love heartwarming stories about pets.)



Awwwwwww!

 

Another topic that always seemed to work was a lighthearted review of some of my worst first dates. Women also like to share their bad date experiences. Bingo, you’ve got a pleasant conversation going. Just make sure that your bad date stories don’t reveal anything troubling about you—like showing up late for dates, getting drunk on dates, or forgetting to wear pants.

Once again, we’re out of time here at the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Blog. Next time we finish the topic of How to Have a Great First Date with the best tip ever about how to ensure that you’ll get a second date.

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

 

 

 

How to Have a Great First Date (Part 1)

Is there anything as nerve-wracking as a first date? Of course there is. A root canal is no picnic, and neither is a vasectomy. But when it comes to a social encounter with a fellow civilized human being, then yes, a first date ranks up near the top of the Industrial Strength Deodorant moments.

What should you wear? Ladies, here's a little dating advice: you want to look cute and maybe a little sexy—without looking skanky. A little black dress that might be perfect for a nighttime dinner date is probably over the top for an afternoon “meet and greet” at Starbucks.

 

A little black dress might be fine for a nighttime date with someone you already know well. But for a first date at Starbucks? I don't think so.

 

Should you wear lipstick on a first date? If you’re a woman—absolutely. Deep red lipstick for a daytime first date? Probably not.

And men, what should you wear? Some good dating advice would be to start with pants. Wearing pants on a date is always a good idea. Wear clean pants, not the crusty jeans you’ve been wearing all week. Don’t wear ratty, worn out shorts. And wear a nice shirt---no t-shirts and not some wrinkled thing you found lying on your bedroom floor.

What is it with men’s fashion these days, anyway? The average man looks so “casual” that, in previous decades, he would qualify as a total slob. Even millionaires look like slobs. What’s up with that? With all their money, they can get away with looking like slobs. But unless you have literally millions of dollars, show your date a little respect and dress nicer that you would if you were going out with the guys.



Can you say "Bad Hair Day?" Gentlemen, this is not a good look when you're trying to impress a woman.



Along those same dating advice lines, gentlemen, what’s with the bedhead hair? Don’t you own a comb? I love the line from the old Rod Stewart song, “Combed my hair in a thousand ways, but I turned out looking just the same.” Mind you, this is from the guy who invented the rooster hair look. But at least he TRIED to get his hair to look good.

Ladies, you need very little dating advice help in picking out shoes that are appropriate for a first date. Just don’t wear those GIANT wedgies that make you look wobbly and top heavy. Men think those shoes are really silly.

No, no, no, no, no!

 

Men, you need a lot more help than that when picking out shoes. A typical man will wear the first pair of shoes that he sees in his closet. Since he just wore his ratty old athletic shoes, those are the one he will wear to his first date. 

Guys, these shoes are SO CLOSE to working. But, no.

 

Gentlemen, for the love of God, ask a female friend for advice about which shoes to wear. I know you think this is stupid, but it’s not. Women will notice your shoes. You don’t want to be one of those guys who doesn’t get the girl because he was wearing ugly or stupid shoes.

OK. You’ve got yourself looking good (ladies) and looking just barely good enough (men). Now put a very small amount of perfume or cologne on. You don’t want to smell like the perfume counter at Macy’s. You want a faint, pleasant smell that doesn’t call attention to itself. Men, use about one-tenth the amount that you think you should use. Otherwise you’re going to stink up your first date with the smell of a gay man/wimpy metrosexual, and heterosexual women are not looking for gays or wimps.

Now you’re ready to walk out the door for your first date, but we’ve run out of time here at the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog.

Coming up next time: what to talk about and what you should NEVER talk about on a first date.

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.