How to Have a Great First Date (Part 1)

Is there anything as nerve-wracking as a first date? Of course there is. A root canal is no picnic, and neither is a vasectomy. But when it comes to a social encounter with a fellow civilized human being, then yes, a first date ranks up near the top of the Industrial Strength Deodorant moments.

What should you wear? Ladies, here's a little dating advice: you want to look cute and maybe a little sexy—without looking skanky. A little black dress that might be perfect for a nighttime dinner date is probably over the top for an afternoon “meet and greet” at Starbucks.

 

A little black dress might be fine for a nighttime date with someone you already know well. But for a first date at Starbucks? I don't think so.

 

Should you wear lipstick on a first date? If you’re a woman—absolutely. Deep red lipstick for a daytime first date? Probably not.

And men, what should you wear? Some good dating advice would be to start with pants. Wearing pants on a date is always a good idea. Wear clean pants, not the crusty jeans you’ve been wearing all week. Don’t wear ratty, worn out shorts. And wear a nice shirt---no t-shirts and not some wrinkled thing you found lying on your bedroom floor.

What is it with men’s fashion these days, anyway? The average man looks so “casual” that, in previous decades, he would qualify as a total slob. Even millionaires look like slobs. What’s up with that? With all their money, they can get away with looking like slobs. But unless you have literally millions of dollars, show your date a little respect and dress nicer that you would if you were going out with the guys.



Can you say "Bad Hair Day?" Gentlemen, this is not a good look when you're trying to impress a woman.



Along those same dating advice lines, gentlemen, what’s with the bedhead hair? Don’t you own a comb? I love the line from the old Rod Stewart song, “Combed my hair in a thousand ways, but I turned out looking just the same.” Mind you, this is from the guy who invented the rooster hair look. But at least he TRIED to get his hair to look good.

Ladies, you need very little dating advice help in picking out shoes that are appropriate for a first date. Just don’t wear those GIANT wedgies that make you look wobbly and top heavy. Men think those shoes are really silly.

No, no, no, no, no!

 

Men, you need a lot more help than that when picking out shoes. A typical man will wear the first pair of shoes that he sees in his closet. Since he just wore his ratty old athletic shoes, those are the one he will wear to his first date. 

Guys, these shoes are SO CLOSE to working. But, no.

 

Gentlemen, for the love of God, ask a female friend for advice about which shoes to wear. I know you think this is stupid, but it’s not. Women will notice your shoes. You don’t want to be one of those guys who doesn’t get the girl because he was wearing ugly or stupid shoes.

OK. You’ve got yourself looking good (ladies) and looking just barely good enough (men). Now put a very small amount of perfume or cologne on. You don’t want to smell like the perfume counter at Macy’s. You want a faint, pleasant smell that doesn’t call attention to itself. Men, use about one-tenth the amount that you think you should use. Otherwise you’re going to stink up your first date with the smell of a gay man/wimpy metrosexual, and heterosexual women are not looking for gays or wimps.

Now you’re ready to walk out the door for your first date, but we’ve run out of time here at the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog.

Coming up next time: what to talk about and what you should NEVER talk about on a first date.

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

 

 

When the Government Becomes a Matchmaker

It’s stressful enough when Mom wants you to get married. She turns into a matchmaker. “Why don’t you go out with …?” becomes a frequent question. She nags, she questions, and she probes into your personal life. She’s on hyper alert for every mention of a single man, a single woman, or an upcoming wedding. So imagine what a downer it is when the government wants you to get married and turns into a matchmaker, too.

 

Need a matchmaker? Try a speed dating event like this one!

That is exactly what’s happening in South Korea. The country is in a tizzy about falling birthrates, but it is still tied to conservative ideas about marriage and babies. So the government of South Korea is pushing its single citizens to match up, already.

 According to a recent story in the New York Times, solving the difficulties of South Korea’s hopelessly single men and women has become a national priority. So much so, in fact, that the government has been sponsoring dozens of speed dating parties in the hopes that Mr. Wong can meet Miss Right. (NOTE: I couldn’t resist using the previous line. It’s punny. Nevermind that Wong isn’t even a Korean name. Please forgive me.)

South Korea once depended on arranged courtships to produce weddings and marriages. Until the 1980s, young people relied upon family connections and hired a Patti Stanger (or maybe two Patti Stangers) to help find their spouses. But as young adults moved from ancestral villages to bigger cities, the traditional social/matchmaking networks started to break down. More and more families started turning to dating services that performed background checks. Today, arranged matches are becoming a thing of the past. So, in 2010, the Ministry of Health and Welfare began actively promoting dating parties and held four parties that year that brought together workers and employees at local corporations.

 I once went to a speed dating event myself. It was sponsored by Cupid.com rather than Uncle Sam. I approached the event as a grand adventure, and I ended up enjoying the evening. I met 13 single women that night, and I dated three of them. But, alas, I did not meet the last love of my life, and I did not get married as a result of attending the speed dating event.

The government of South Korea has had some success as a matchmaker, however. Couples who have met at the government-sponsored dating event have tied the knot.

 
All of this begs the question: how would you react to your government setting up dating parties? Would you attend if Big Brother was pushing for you to get married? Would you be open to the possibility of meeting your future wife at a government-sponsored event?

 How about if a hefty tax refund was part of the deal?

 This is Chad Stone, author of The Babe Magnet Rules of Dating Over 50, signing off.

Old Dating Advice for Men that Still Works

Ooo baby. Stylin' in 18th century clothes.

The more dating changes, the more it stays the same

Ever wonder how you should talk to a woman? Men have wanted to know how to behave and what to talk about on dates for centuries. A book called A Gentleman’s Guide to Etiquette was published in 1875, and some of the dating advice for men is still pretty good. Sure, you have to get past the old-fashioned language. But the 138-year-old dating advice for men tips still ring true, which proves that if your great-great grandfather were alive today, he might be able to help you become a babe magnet.

So let’s have a look at some dating advice for men from 1875, and tweak it just a little to make it relevant dating advice for men and women in 2013.

 

When on a date… “It is ill-bred to put on an air of weariness during a long speech from another person, and quite as rude to look at a watch, read a letter …  or in any other action show that you are tired of the speaker or his subject.” In dating advice for men and women in 2013, that means put your damn cell phone away and pay attention to what your date is saying.

 “If you have traveled … do not be constantly speaking of your journeyings. Nothing is more tiresome than a man who commences every phrase with, ‘When I was in Paris,’ or, ‘In Italy I saw…’” In dating advice for men in 2013, this also applies to the name-dropping of famous people. Do not mention Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, or any other celebrity just to make yourself sound cool.

“A man of real intelligence and cultivated mind is generally modest. He may feel when in everyday society, that in intellectual acquirements he is above those around him; but he will not seek to make his companions feel their inferiority, nor try to display this advantage over them.” Amen, baby. If you try to sound superior, you’ll sound like an a-hole.

“To be a good listener is as indispensable as to be a good talker, and it is in the character of listener that you can most readily detect the man who is accustomed to good society.” Don’t bogart the conversation, men. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. You should listen twice as much as you talk. If your date is shy, ask some questions about herself to get her started.

“Never notice it if others make mistakes in language. To notice by word or look such errors in those around you is excessively ill-bred.” Well, you’ll probably notice poor word choice and improper pronunciation, but don’t make fun of it. You ain’t no Einstein yourself.

“Avoid boasting. To speak of your money, connections, or the luxuries at your command is in very bad taste.” That’s still good dating advice for women and men. If you try to impress a date with your money and possessions, you will end up with someone who only cares about money and possessions.

It is extremely rude and pedantic, when engaged in general conversation, to make quotations in a foreign language. Or better yet, don’t speak in a “foreign” language unless your date also speaks the language.

A lady of sense will feel more complimented if you converse with her upon instructive, high subjects, than if you address to her only the language of compliment. In the latter case she will conclude that you consider her incapable of discussing higher subjects, and you cannot expect her to be pleased at being considered merely a silly, vain person, who must be flattered into good humor.” In other words, don’t talk about Fast & Furious 6. But if you get a hankering to talk about the Big Bang, go for it. (The Big Bang Theory, not the Big Bang TV show.)

This is Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing off in a time-honored, respectful way. http://amzn.to/120GPWo

(Thanks to Chiara Atik at HowAboutWe.com for sharing these dating advice for men gems from 1875!)

 

 

5 Ways Men Kill Relationships

There are at least 5 ways that men kill relationships. Who am I kidding? There are probably 500. No wonder this woman looks so cranky.

Men aren’t always good at relationships. Sometimes men do stupid things to kill relationships. It says so right here in the “Duh” file. Sometimes men can be focused things like work and forget they have to invest some time and emotional energy in their love relationships. Sometimes men expect women to be just as simple as men are—which can really kill a relationship.

There are lots of relationship-killing behaviors that men cluelessly use to chase their women away. These relationship killers, when used excessively, can be described as relationship-killing personality types.

So here are five ways that men act that kill relationships.When they act like the characters that I describe below, women hit the road.

 

Mr. Needy

The first way that men kill relationships is by behaving like a needy, wimpy man. This is not attractive to a woman. In fact, it’s a complete turn-off. Most women are attracted to the masculine traits of strength, decisiveness, leadership and vision. When a woman lists what she’s looking for in a man, she never says, “I want a man with no self confidence and no friends, who needs my undivided attention constantly.” One of the reasons a man can turn into Mr. Needy is he falls for the woman before she falls for him. When that happens, he needs to make sure he doesn’t get whiny and wimpy.

 

The Baggage Man

We all arrive in a new relationship with some baggage. Some of us arrive on a first or second date with enough baggage for an around the world cruise. Some of us arrive with just a small overnight bag, and we tuck it under the table and never mention it.  Mr. Baggage Man doesn’t just have a lot of baggage—he’s attached to it. It defines who he is. He might have a bag packed with all of his broken-heart wounds. Another is filled with how “bad and wrong” women are. And he always seems to be comparing his new girlfriend to his last lover.

It’s human nature to do a little comparing. As you get to know a new lover, you can’t help but compare her to your last girlfriend. But gentlemen, keep it to yourself. Most women do not want to hear about how they measure up to the last wife or girlfriend. When Mr. Baggage Man says, “My ex-wife always loved my jokes” or “My old girlfriend liked it when I sat around watching football on TV,” he doesn’t realize that he’s about to have another ex-girlfriend.

 

Mr. Tool

Calling a man a “tool” is not a compliment. We’re not talking about a guy who can fix anything around the house. Mr. Tool thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He is hot and he knows it. Of course, he’s never as hot as he thinks he is, but you can’t convince him of that. Mr. Tool is so full of himself that he thinks every woman should be flattered just to be in his presence. Because of his inflated opinion of himself, he usually treats women like crap. Sure, some women will put up with this kind of behavior for a while—as long as Mr. Tool looks like Brad Pitt and can show her a good time. But there’s a reason that Mr. Tool has a long string of relationships that don’t last very long. When you’re a jerk, no one wants to be around you.

 

Mama’s Boy

A woman wants a man who acts like a man. Men are supposed to make their own decisions and be responsible for themselves. It’s a real turn-off for a woman when she sees a man who still clings to his mother’s apron strings. It’s one thing for a man to treat his mother with respect and talk to her regularly about what’s going on in his life. But when he starts cancelling dates or previous commitments with his girlfriend so he can run over to his mother’s house to change a light bulb, that’s Mama’s Boy territory. Unfortunately, ladies, Mama can really turn on the guilt machine to get her Mama’s Boy to do what she wants. It’s really hard to compete with that. If he’s too much of a Mama’s Boy, then you might want to find a real man.

 

Mr. Cheapskate

There’s a wonderful magic in a relationship when a man is actively trying to win the heart of a woman. He wants to please her and he wants to impress her. And for centuries, one of the most successful ways to do this is for the man to treat her like a princess by taking her to fine restaurants, taking her to concerts, buying her flowers and finding pleasant ways to spend his hard-earned money on her. The early phase of a relationship can be an expensive proposition for a man, but if he wants to win the heart of a woman, being generous and gracious is a proven path to success.

But here in the era of gender equality and women who earn good incomes, sometimes a man can start to think that he shouldn’t pay for everything. Taken to the extreme, a guy like this starts to look like Mr. Cheapskate. If a man asks a woman out on a date—especially a first, second or third date—he should pay for it. When a woman graciously offers to pay for dessert, don’t become Mr. Cheapskate. Instead, graciously thank her and decline. Mr. Cheapskate doesn’t want to spend his money on a woman, because that leaves him less money to spend on computer games and expensive toys. But what kind of message does that send to the woman he’s with?

Chad Stone is the author of Confessions of a Middle-AgedBabe Magnet and Babe Magnet Rules ofDating Over 50. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

The Magic of Great Relationships

“I think it's basically magic. There is such a thing as magic, and the Beatles were magic.”
 --  Paul McCartney, in a Rolling Stone interview, 2007

How is it that some relationships are like seeds that never sprout, some are like seedlings that die before really taking root, and some grow and flourish to produce an abundant harvest of love?

It’s basically magic. How else do you explain it?

That’s the way Paul McCartney explained why the Beatles’ music continues to speak to people after all these years. He didn’t say “we wrote great songs” or “we were good and we got lucky” or anything specific. He just said it was magic.

I think Paul McCartneyis right. There are times when magic takes over, and there’s no way to explain it logically. It happened with the Beatles. And sometimes it happens when two people meet each other.

I know this is true in relationships, because it happened to me.

When I was middle-aged, single and actively dating, there were times when I wondered why I was going on so many dates. Why was it taking so long to meet the right woman? Why was the process taking so long? What was I doing wrong? Where was the magic?

I had gotten really good at dating. I had mastered the fine art of the First Date, during which I would be witty and charming as I told funny stories that illustrated the highlights of my life. But in the 1.7 million first dates that I went on, there was precious little magic.

At first I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I tried harder. I went out on more dates, and I learned even more about what women want in a man and how to present myself as that kind of man. (And I developed a list of Babe Magnet Rules to prove it.) Sometimes I got a little glimpse of magic, but it quickly (in a manner of days or weeks) vanished like a mirage in the desert.

A friend of mine thinks he may have found his magic. He and his lady have been together for many months, and their relationship continues to grow. From when I stand, it looks quite magical.

Another friend of mine, who I will call Asilla, has been dating a man for a couple of months. Whenever I watch them when they are together, he looks like a man who has found relationship magic, but she’s not so sure. So unless Asilla thinks there is magic in the relationship, there won’t be any magic for either of them. Relationship magic only happens when both parties feel it and embrace it.

So even though I wrote a book about dating and relationships—a book that’s packed full of practical advice about how to be the most attractive and desirable man or woman you can be, I still can’t offer much advice about how you can find magic.

But I do know this: you have to be open to the magic when it does come. If you’re shut down emotionally or if you’re simply not ready to embrace it, you’re not going to recognize relationship magic when it starts to bloom. You’ll walk away and wonder why the magic of love never arrives in your life.

Chad Stone

Author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

www.middleagedbabemagnet.com

Advice for a First Anniversary Date

I love it when people ask me for advice about dating and relationships. I love sharing what I learned when I was single, and what I've learned since I got remarried. It makes me feel smart when someone asks for my opinion, and I am happy to help folks find true love--and to help their relationships grow stronger.

The other day a friend of mine (who I will call Hector because that's an awesome name and I've never actually known anyone named Hector) asked me for advice about an upcoming date. This is no ordinary date--it's the anniversary of his first date with Aphrodite, the woman he now loves and adores.

So far so good, right?

First Anniversary Date

Hector said he was planning to take Aphrodite to the same restaurant they went to on their first date. That's a sweet idea, and it's very sentimental in all the right ways. But if that's all he does on his First Anniversary, then Aphrodite is going to be disappointed.

Why? Because she's been there and done that. If Hector wants his woman to be happy, he needs to step it up. He can't do the same exact thing he did last year and expect Aphrodite to be happy with it. That's just not the way women think. If he does the same thing, she will wonder why he isn't trying harder.

(Ladies, if I am wrong about this, please leave a Comment and tell me so. But I'm pretty confident about this.)

Anniversaries Should Be Special

I told Hector the same old restaurant would be a great place to START his first anniversary date--for drinks. Then he should take her to a much fancier place for a romantic dinner. Make a big show about escorting her to the second restaurant--and do not let her know where they are going next. A women loves it when a man takes charge. All she has to do is enjoy the ride.

"But if you insist on going to the same old place for dinner, you need to up the ante by giving her a romantic gift," I told Hector. "You can't go wrong with jewelry."

Hector looked at me with wide eyes. "It sounds like I need to step up my game," he said.

"Bingo," I replied.

Other Dating and Relationships Topics

Let me know if there's a dating and relationships topic that you would like to see me address in a future blog post. I would love to know what issues you're dealing with and I'd love to give you an opinion. Thanks!

I would also like to thank the good folks at The Awesome Gang for the great review they posted about Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by (yours truly) Chad Stone. You can read the review by clicking here: http://awesomegang.com/confessions-of-a-middle-aged-babe-magnet/

Also check out my website at www.middleagedbabemagnet.com. Until next time, this is Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, signing out.

Advice for Everyone

Sometimes we all need to be reminded about stuff we already know. This goes for folks who are single, happily in relationships, dating over 50, young, old enough to be collecting Social Security—all of us.

This list of helpful life advice started out as an email pass-along that a friend sent to me. I have edited it, added to it, and deleted some items to make it a set of guidelines that will help you stay optimistic—no matter what experiences each day brings you.

1. Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. And cut up the ones you aren’t using.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Just stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Make a conscious effort to attract positive, loving people into your life. Then don’t be surprised when the negative, crabby people drop out of your life.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Life is short. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

14 Stop often to take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. Go after what you love in life, and don't take “no” for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

21. Believe in miracles. You won’t experience them if you don’t believe in them.

22. Remember that the most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Let time do its job.

29. Life is change. Go with it.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

32. Plant a garden.

33. If you love someone, tell them “I love you” as often as you can.

34. Your children get only one childhood. Help them enjoy it.

35. Be nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. But always stand up for yourself.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Be thankful.

39. You will be happier today if you are optimistic about tomorrow.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Chad Stone, author of Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet