Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

What Do Singles Think About Sex and Marriage?

2012-02-08T10:51:00.000-08:00

Single people across America have spoken, and they don’t all want to get married. The recently released Singles in America survey asked 5,541 single adults in the USA aged 21 and over about their dating habits, sexual habits and opinions about marriage.

And the survey said…

When asked, “Do you want to get married?,” 27.0 percent said No, 38.6 percent weren’t sure, and 34 percent said Yes. That’s not exactly an overwhelming vote for the institution of marriage. But it’s not a total surprise, either.

Society’s rigid beliefs about the necessity of marriage (especially the need for marriage before having sex) have softened considerably since the dawn of the Sexual Revolution in the 1960s. With the social stigma of cohabitating largely removed, many single adults—especially younger ones—are simply choosing to live together without the formality of a marriage license. Even so, the majority of younger single adults still see marriage in their futures. Among singles aged 21 to 39, 62 percent of women and 56 percent of men want to eventually get married.

So what are singles looking for in a long-term romantic partner? 13 percent of women and 7 percent of men said they “must have” a partner of the same religion. 36 percent of women and 13 percent of men must have someone who makes as much money as they do.

What were the top “deal breakers” in a possible romantic partner? In order of importance: 67 percent said having a disheveled or unclean appearance, 66 percent said laziness, 63 percent said being too needy, 54 percent said having no sense of humor, and 49 percent said living more than three hours apart. (That’s really bad news for lazy slobs who need constant reassurance, don’t think Modern Family is the funniest show on TV and live far, far way.)

The Singles in America survey also revealed that first dates are often highly sexual. More than half (55 percent) of singles said they have had sex on the first date (66 percent of men and 44 percent of women). Some experts say that the popularity of online dating is partly responsible for sexy first dates. But the time they have a first physical date, many online dating singles have exchanged plenty of emails and talked often on the phone, which may be the equivalent of three dates. So by the time they meet in person, all of this online sharing can result in highly sexually charged first dates.

And yes, online dating is a force to be reckoned with. According to the survey, 21 percent of singles met the last person they dated online—the most common way of meeting cited in the survey.

So are there any surprises in the survey results for you? What’s the biggest relationship deal-breaker for you? And what is the number one Must Have in your next significant other?

Please leave a comment, and I will share some additional thoughts about dating must-haves and deal breakers in a future post on the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet blog. Until then, this is Chad Stone, signing off.

p.s. Also check out my Advice for Men posts on www.datingwithoutdrama.com

Two Secrets About Men

2012-01-31T14:15:00.000-08:00

Talk to any woman, and she will tell you that men don’t understand women. But what women don’t know is that they don’t have a clue about men, either.

According to dating expert Kara Oh, most women don’t have a clue about two vitally important secrets about how to date and win the heart of a man.

Secret #1: A Woman Must Use Her Feminine Grace. That means a woman must keep her emotional reactions to herself, or share then with a trusted girlfriend. She SHOULD NOT reveal all of her emotions to the man she wants to romance (lest she scare him away).

Here are some more tips on using Feminine Grace:

* Be gracious

* Communicate with your heart

* Expect him to treat you with respect and consideration

* When you behave in this way, you will be on your way to making him
feel good to be around you.

Secret #2: Make Him Feel Like a Man. Too few women how important this secret really is. Sure, they may do this in the beginning of a relationship because they are excited about a new man. But, unfortunately, once they become comfortable in their relationship, they tend to start making him feel like LESS of a man.

How big a mistake is this? It’s a deal breaker for most men. Admittedly, most men do not realize right away what is going on when the woman starts to pick away at his manhood by criticizing him and trying to mold him into something new. But soon he realizes that the woman he is with is starting to make him feel bad—not wonderful. A man wants to please the woman of his dreams. But she can’t be pleased. What man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he's a failure?

Here are Kara Oh’s suggestions for making a man feel like a man:

* Let him know good a man you think he is

* Let him know how considerate he is

* Let him know how smart you think he is

* Let him know strong and capable he is

Why? Because he wants to be your hero and this will tell him he is. By the way, if he isn't someone you can appreciate, then he's not the man for you.

When a man feels good whenever he's around you, then he will be drawn to you like bees to their favorite flower. Does this mean she waits on him like a servant? No. It's more a matter of appreciating him as a man.

So, what do you think of this advice? Is it old-fashioned and crazy? Or is it classic brilliance that is just as true today as it was hundreds of years ago?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

-Chad Stone (affectionately known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)

Design the Cover of My New Book!

2012-01-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

I am excited to tell you that my new book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, is now undergoing final editing. A big-time book editor named Floyd is now polishing each sentence and getting the manuscript ready for publication. (Go, Floyd, go!)

The book will be published as an Amazon Kindle e-book, and it will be available for downloading in March 2012. The book is a humorous memoir of my personal dating experiences. The folks who have read the manuscript have said it is "laugh-out-loud funny" and "very instructional." I know, that's a weird combination, but it's a weird and wonderful book. In some ways, it's a self-help manual for single adults, because I share Babe Magnet Rules throughout the book that give pithy advice to single men in their quest for the Babe of their dreams.

Best of all, the book has a happy ending. I really did find True Love!

So, as the book marches toward publication, I officially announce the Babe Magnet Book Cover Design Contest. That's where you come in. Create a snappy, visually appealing "book cover" for Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. In addition to the title, you also have to include the author's name-- Chad Stone. Make sure everything is readable in the small online Amazon Kindle web format. Make sure your submission is an original work of art, and you own all the rights to whatever images you use. The creator of the winning book cover image will win $250 and the fame and accolades that go with designing a big-time cover for a big-time book.

Here's some important technical info:
Kindle books must have a marketing cover image provided for use on the website detail page. The preferred format for the cover is a JPEG image of 600 x 800 pixels. More specifications are available here.

The deadline for submission of book cover images is Feb. 24, 2012. Send a JPEG image of your cover design to babemagnetchad@aol.com. Write to me if you have any questions.

So please get your creative juices flowing. I look forward to seeing your book cover designs!

p.s. Please pass the word about this contest!

When Should a Man Call?

2011-12-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

I ran into a friend of mine the other day. The last time I saw him was at a wedding, and he had struck up a conversation with a nice single woman. Things had gone so well that he had left with her phone number.

That was three months ago. He still hasn’t called her. “Do you think it’s too late to give her a call?” he asked me.

I wanted to slap him upside the head.

Yes, you clueless man, three months is too late to call. By now, she probably has forgotten who you are. And if she still remembers you, it’s only because she’s still pissed that you didn’t call.

There’s a bit a folk wisdom among single men called the Three Day Rule. According to the Three Day Rule, a man should wait three days before calling a woman after he has gotten her phone number. Men think that waiting for three days shows women that they are not desperate or needy. They think waiting three days communicates manlymanness. (That’s a word that I just made up, by the way. Sometimes manly men make up their own words.)

I used to agree with the Three Day Rule. It made me feel manly. But not anymore.

Why did I change my mind? I talked to some women, and they all told me the Three Day Rule was really stupid. In fact, it was so stupid that it must have been invented by a man.

These women told me, “If I am interested in a man, I want to hear from him. I don’t want to wait three days. If he waits for three days, then that tells me he’s not as interested in me as I am in him.”

After that, I never again waited three days to call a woman. Usually, I called the next day. And I can tell you, I never got a single complaint from a woman telling me that I called her too soon.

What do you think about the Three Day Rule? I’d like to hear your opinions—so please comment! Thanks for reading.

Signing off for now,
Chad Stone
(sometimes known as the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet)
Also check out my Advice from Men columns on www.datingwithoutdrama.com

The Truth About Global Warming

2011-11-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

It is the time to give thanks, so I thought I would add a new twist to the discussion of global warming.

Ready?

I am a healthy red-blooded American male, and on behalf of all red-blooded American males (and even males from other fine countries) I have found a reason to be thankful for global warming.

As you can see, global warming has been reducing the size of women's underwear for more than a century. Not only does this ABSOLUTELY PROVE that global warming exists, but it also proves that global warming gives us something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

(And be sure to check out my Advice from Men posts on www.datingwithoutdrama.com.)

Signed,
Chad Stone
Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

Getting Back Into Dating Again

2011-10-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have been asked about my upcoming book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet. It’s a humorous memoir about my post-divorce experience in the dating world. Throughout the book, I share dating advice, which I call Babe Magnet Rules. But it’s a difficult book to explain, so I thought I would use this blog post to share an excerpt from the book.

This chapter is from early in the book, when I had just begun my single life. Here we go:

An Excerpt from Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet by Chad Stone
I just did something amazing. I approached a beautiful woman in public and had a nice conversation with her.

I was sitting alone at a restaurant near my apartment, eating at the counter where it’s OK to read the magazines without buying them. In walks an attractive middle-aged woman all by herself. I catch her eye as she sits at a table and then quickly surveys the room.

In the most casual, not-too-obvious way I watch her to see if anyone is going to join her. Apparently not.

All right, it’s pretty obvious that she knows I’m watching her. She takes off her denim jacket to reveal a black tank top and breasts that were not installed at the factory. They are perky and considerably younger than the rest of her body. Her hair is frosted blonde and her skin is pleasantly tanned.

She gets up from her table and walks right in front of me, pretending that she needs extra napkins RIGHT NOW before her food is delivered to her table. I watch her walk back to her table, and she looks over to make sure I’m watching her.

Nice. Very nice.

Well, we’re both checking each other out from a safe distance. Now what? I scan the restaurant again to see if anyone is going to join her.

In my youth, I was never a great pickup artist. Actually, I was never a pickup artist at all. Approaching a beautiful woman who I don’t know is not something that I have done in decades. It’s the worst, most frightening sort of cold call there is. I can make a business cold call, because I have a purpose and I have confidence in my business skills. But a cold call to pickup a beautiful woman? That’s completely out of my comfort zone.

Many years ago, I shared a bachelor pad with Pete, a friend from college who shared my appreciation for the female gender. We were both 21 or 22, single, and we had WAY more hormones than we knew what to do with.

Pete and I used to walk to the supermarket every Tuesday after work because we knew that a drop-dead gorgeous woman shopped there at the same time every week. She was tall and blonde and dressed smartly in a business jacket and a tight but not too-tight skirt. We surmised that she was a lawyer based on her attire and the businesslike precision with which she carried herself.

We used to follow her around through the store, hanging back so she wouldn’t notice us. I always felt that she was out of my league, so the closest I ever got to actually having a conversation with her was the one time I walked beside her and noticed that she had bought some fresh fish from the meat counter.

I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Finally I said, “Fish. I like fish.” She looked at me strangely, like I had just dragged myself out of the ocean and I was attempting to walk on land for the first time. I had no follow-up line, so I slinked away, dragging my tail fin behind me.

That was the first and last time I ever talked to the Lawyer Babe.

So, my history of picking up Babes is not long and impressive. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen an attractive woman that I didn’t talk to, I’d be listed right under Bill Gates in the Fortune 400 list of gadzillionaires.

Well, what the hell. I’m more than 50 years old and I’ve never heard of anyone dying from talking to a beautiful woman. Humiliated, for sure. But there is no known case of lightning bolts zapping a poor, unfortunate man who dared to talk to a woman that he didn’t know. I am quite sure that there is nothing in the Bible that specifically forbids it. There’s a commandment against adultery and against coveting thy neighbor’s wife, but there’s no commandment that says, “Thou shalt not talk to Babes.”

I have observed many Babe Magnets over the years. These studly men reek of self-confidence and never seem at a loss for words. When they see a Babe, they pounce. That’s because they know…

BABE MAGNET RULE #3
Babe Magnets always make the first move.

I take a deep breath. I’m going for it. I get up and walk to the Blonde Babe’s table.

As I walk across the restaurant, the room keeps getting larger. A little stroll that should have taken me just seconds is stretching longer and longer. After an hour I am still walking.

Then I am standing next to her and I am forced to speak.

“Excuse me, are you dining alone tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Me, too. Do you mind if I join you?”

She smiles. She has perfect white teeth that are no older than her breasts. “Not at all,” she says in a pleasing tone of voice.

I go back to the counter, grab my plate and glass, and walk them over to her table. As I set them down I say, “Well, this is kind of weird, but I didn’t want to eat alone.”

If it’s weird for her, she doesn’t admit it. We start talking. Her name is Laura. She is a zookeeper. In my entire life, I’ve never met a real zookeeper. Her job gives us lots to talk about, and I ask her a lot of questions because I’m genuinely interested. I feel a little like the late Mr. Rogers, asking the zookeeper about all of the fascinating things she does because it needs to fill a whole segment of his show.

Laura takes care of the large, hoofed animals—everything from rhinos to antelopes. From what she says it’s a bizarre and wonderful job. She even taught the rhinos to stand on a huge scale. It took a whole year of work, but she did it. That’s the kind of story that would make a great quirky item on the local news.

But while I am talking to her, my mind is filling with inappropriate questions:

“Do you ever use whips at work? How about at home?”

“What’s the biggest snake you’ve ever gotten your hands on?”

“What do you do with the peacock feathers you find?”

“How many times have guys used a ‘Me Tarzan, you Jane’ line on you?”

“How often do zoo animals have sex?”

I have to focus really hard on our conversation to make all of the wild-animals-having-sex images leave my head.

I tell her a little bit about me and my work. It’s not as exciting as two massive rhinos going at it, but Laura seems mildly interested.

We talk for a while, and I find my eyes glancing at different parts of her body. Her arms are well toned and she is clearly vain enough to take pride in her body. And there are those wonderful, young perky breasts just waiting for a chance to breathe fresh air. Breasts must really hate to be trapped in bras all day where they can’t see the light of day.

How old is she? Somewhere in her early 50s. She has two kids, ages 33 and 31. If she had the first child when she was 18, she’d be 51 now.

She tells me that she’s expecting a friend to join her. I assume that it’s a female friend. I am dead wrong. Carl, a nice-looking bearded man, arrives and suddenly I go from feeling confident to feeling like I have invaded another man’s territory. Crap.

“We were both dining alone and decided to sit together,” I explain.

Carl is very gracious— probably more gracious than I would be in his situation.

The conversation at the table dies. It’s an awkward moment. Carl gets up to go back to the counter to order food, and I get up to find a take-out box to pack up what’s left of my fish and chips.

Laura and I chit-chat lightly while I package my food to go. I say “nice meeting you” and I leave them to their regularly scheduled rendezvous.

I didn’t get Laura’s last name or phone number, so there is no way for me to contact her again.

I think about her later in the evening when I’m back in my bachelor apartment. We had a pleasant conversation, but we didn’t spend enough time together to know if there could have been any magic between us.

It’s not like I closed the deal, but I made my first Babe Cold Call, and I feel good. I am proud of myself for having the guts to get up from my comfortable spot in the restaurant and join her. I actually approached a beautiful woman and proved that I could have a pleasant conversation. Sure, I bolted when her male friend showed up, but I still made first contact.

For the first time as a newly single man, I feel like I am going to do just fine in this brave new world of meeting new women.

What Do Men Want?

2011-10-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

As men’s and women’s roles continue to change in our ever-changing world, some things never change. Men are still, on the whole, quite clueless about women. And women, even though they are less clueless, still don’t understand men.

Now that I’ve gotten your attention with the unvarnished, politically incorrect truth, let’s talk about what men want in women.

The following list appeared on www.topdatingtips.com, but I have edited it and made additional comments. OK, here we go!

• Men are looking for a love-interest. Surprised? Ask men what they really want, and they say love, not sex. Men like to love and they like being loved and appreciated in return.

• Men want a woman who is attractive to them. Yes, that seems like (to most women) that men are shallow if looks matter so much. But men aren't necessarily looking for a runway model. The typical man wants a woman who takes pride in her appearance. And men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good.

• Men are seeking women who are feminine, gentle and kind because those qualities also make a woman a great mother. Not that a typical man needs mothering. But even if they aren’t ready for marriage right now, men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

• Men appreciate women with a sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. Life can be a pain in the… neck, and a healthy sense of humor about life (and yourself) is a great way to make it all more enjoyable. No guy wants to be stuck with an uptight, humorless woman.

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity. If you’re a woman, don’t try to be “one of the boys.” Men have guy friends for that. Be a woman. Viva la difference!

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men. This is a crucial mistake. The best relationships are mutually supportive, not overly critical.

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are not attracted to passive doormats. A woman who keeps him challenged is invigorating and exciting. (There’s a difference between “challenged” and “threatened” however, so don’t take it too far.) If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged with your spunkiness and your ability to keep your man from falling into a rut.

• Men want sex. No big news there, right? But here’s a major difference between men and women: men have sex to bond and fall in love, while women have sex after they have bonded and want to express their love.

• Men are looking for a trustworthy woman. She must be a person they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them.

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing partner in home life. A basic level of domestic skills is attractive to most men. (Most men can use a little help in this department.)

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Men want a girlfriend with whom they can share and trust. This isn’t a one-sided wish, though. Commitment is a two-way street.

• Most men want to get married. Eventually. They want to feel like successful, independent adults first, but ultimately most men DO want to get married. But they have to feel like it’s on their timeline. They don’t like to feel pressured into “tying the knot.” (By the way, I’m pretty sure that the expression “tying the knot” was invented by a man who was feeling pressured into getting married.)

To summarize, a typical man wants a fun-to-be-with, trustworthy, reliable, sexy, single woman with whom he can have a long term relationship.

Now, when it comes right down to it, that’s not much different from the “wish list” of the typical modern woman, is it?

For more ongoing comments about dating and relationships, read my posts on www.datingwithoutdrama.com. Click on Advice from Men and search for the Chad Stone stories.

That's it for now. The Middle-Aged Babe Magnet has left the building.

Why Won’t Men Commit to a Relationship?

2011-10-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

A study called “Why Men Won’t Commit: Exploring Young Men’s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage” examined the state of marriage in America from the male perspective. The study surveyed 60 single men between the ages of 25 to 33 northern New Jersey, Chicago, Washington, D.C. and Houston.

Researchers explored men’s attitudes on sex, dating, meeting women, living together, marrying a soul mate, the timing of marriage, social pressures to marry, divorce, desire for children and more.

According to the study, here are some of the reasons that young men are not committing to marriage:

• They are more willing to live together than marry.
• They can get sex without marriage.
• They want to avoid the financial fall-out of divorce.
• They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises.
• They want to delay having children.
• They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.
• They are waiting for the perfect soul mate.
• They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.
• They want to own a house before they get a wife.

One of the things that this study revealed was that—unlike in earlier decades— there are no big social pressures on men to marry. As a result, men are delaying marriage. In 1960, half of all single men were married by 25 and the rest followed shortly thereafter. Today, the median age of a first marriage for men is 27. For college-educated men, it’s a year or two later—about age 29.

Here in the 21st century, anyone paying attention already knows that women are living with their boyfriends before they decide to get married. That way, both parties can see if they are compatible together. Experts say that half of all these live-in relationships eventually turn into marriages.

I think it is this new trend toward cohabitating that makes it SEEM like men are not willing to commit to a relationship. In fact, they ARE willing to commit to a relationship, it’s just that many men don’t see any benefits in turning their live-in girlfriends into wives. (Like Granddad always said, why buy the cow when you are already getting the milk for free.)

What do you think?

How NOT to Talk to a Woman

2011-07-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems that men and women are speaking different languages. And, in a way, they are. According to John Gray in his most recent book, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, men are naturally motivated to communicate in ways that will lower stress in men. But men have no clue that this same style of communication may increase a woman’s stress level.

When a woman communicates, she is looking for a warm, supportive response. When she “shares” her concerns about a person or situation, she wants to be heard. Unfortunately, what a man hears is a problem—and his natural situation is to look for a solution or a way to dismiss the problem. That’s the way men are hardwired.

So he thinks he is being helpful when he expresses an opinion or offers a solution. She feels he’s either being cold and heartless or he simply isn’t hearing what she is saying.

Here are examples from John Gray of what NOT to say to a woman because it sounds dismissive:

 Don’t worry about it.
 Here’s what you should do…
 Just let it go.
 It’s not that important.
 That’s not what he means.
 Don’t get so upset.
 Don’t let them get to you like that.
 It’s simple, just say…
 All you have to do is…
 It’s not such a big deal.
 You shouldn’t feel that way.

Men mean for these short comments to be supportive. But women are likely to feel like they are insulting and perhaps condescending.

Instead of jumping in with a “fix-it” comment, try listening. Make reassuring and sympathetic comments. Use supporting comments such as “Tell me more” and “how did that make you feel?” Unless there’s an emergency and there’s water leaking all over the bathroom (or something equally as urgent), she doesn’t want you to fix her problem right now. She just wants to be heard.

To find out How NOT to Talk to a Man, read my most recent blog posting on www.datingwithoutdrama.com.

Exciting News About New Blog!

2011-07-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

I am delighted to share this good news: yours truly, Chad Stone, the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, is the newest blogger on a great website called Dating Without Drama.

I have been asked to write about dating from the perspective of someone who has succeeded in finding the love of his life. In fact, that's what my first post is about. You can read it by clicking here.

Right now my first post is featured on the homepage under the title Eye on the Prize: A Dating Success Story. In the future, when my most recent post isn't on the home page, you can get to it by clicking on Advice for Men in the top navigation bar.

I will be posting regularly on www.datingwithoutdrama.com as well as here on this blog. The postings will be different, so be sure to check out both sites.

I will continue to write about the humorous side of dating and relationships, and offer some real-world advice along the way. As always, I would love to hear from you. Send me your questions and your own dating and relationship stories so I can share them and add my comments.

Thanks for reading!

--Chad Stone
Middle-Aged Babe Magnet

Do Pick Up Lines Really Work?

2011-04-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

Sooner or later in the world of singlehood, the topic of pick up lines comes up. Many men want to find the ultimate, perfect thing to say to a woman. You know, the line that stops a woman in her tracks, makes her smile, and convinces her that you are worthy of serious consideration as dating material.

So, do pick-up lines actually work? Sorry guys, but the answer is no. There is no perfect line for every occasion and for every woman. God forbid, you use a "canned line" on a woman (such as, "Did it hurt?" and she says, "Did what hurt?" and then you say, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?")-- and she laughs in your face because she thinks you're such a dweeb.

Since pick-up lines are always good fodder for blog posts, I was interested to hear from the folks at www.topdatingsites.com that they had posted a blog story about the Top 10 online pickup lines.

So I read the story. Some of the "lines" were mildly clever. I suppose that, when sent to the right woman in the right context, "You give great email" could strike the right tone between playful and provocative. And "Have I met you before?" is a great way to get an online conversation going.

But some of the "Top 10" were just lame. Who is going to believe "You look like Halle Berry only hotter"? And asking for her astrological sign? Didn't that go out of style in 1975?

The story did nothing to convince me that using predetermined pickup lines is a good way to impress anyone. The best way to impress someone is to be your honest, good-natured self. (Sorry, but if you're not honest or good natured, you are basically screwed.)

By the way, according to my limited experience and friend-to-friend research, the best pickup line ever is "Hello" delivered with a genuine smile. Then introduce yourself.

Try it. It works.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2011-04-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

I've always loved the "be careful what you wish for" advice, because it reminds us that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence-- at least not in the way that we expected.

A single friend of mine, let's call him Carlos, had been seeing Maria for almost six months. But there were some red flags in the relationship. Maria seemed overly sensitive at times, and at other times she acted like a petulant teenager.

So Carlos wished for clarity. He wanted to know if he should invest more emotional energy in the relationship. He wanted to know if Maria was "the one"-- or whether she had the potential to be.

The two of them had been on long weekend trips together, and the longest time they had spent continuously together was about four days. When a great deal on a 15-day trip to Europe arrived via email, Carlos jumped on it. He and Maria excitedly began preparing for their big trip.

Well, the trip ended last week. The first week or so was great. They enjoyed exploring new places together and indulging in delicious and exotic foods. But then Maria grew short-tempered. She got bitchy and was not fun to be with. (I haven't heard her side of the story. She might say that Carlos started to get too demanding or too picky or...) Halfway through the trip, they had a fight.

And Carlos got the clarity he wanted. It became very clear to him that Maria was not "the one." She refused to take any responsibility for the relationship trouble that she and Carlos were having, and she continued to act out.

Carlos and Maria have officially broken up. So there will soon be two more single baby boomers on match.com or eHarmony.com or whatever.

Does Carlos wish things had turned out differently? Well, maybe a little bit. But at the same time, he knows that things have worked out for the best. He isn't really surprised that he and Maria are no longer a couple.

That's another thing about getting what you wish for. In dating, as in life, sometimes what you get isn't a big surprise at all.

Ahhhh, a new romance!

2011-04-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

My friend, Craig, is a true middle-aged babe magnet, and he loves every minute of it. He loves to be admired by women. He has also been suffering from a broken heart, so he has deliberately been an elusive dating target. He hasn't wanted to become involved with a woman, so he's been casually dating for quite a while. To his credit, he has been basically celibate during this time, because he is self-aware enough to know that he hasn't been emotionally available.

But all of that has changed. Now he is smitten for the first time in three years.

He freely admits to being smitten. And, ironically, he's not entirely happy about it. He doesn't like being the one who cares whether she calls him back. He doesn't like being the one who is getting butterflies and spikes in his pulse rate. He doesn't like being the one who is distracted by amorous thoughts. He has a business to run, dammit!

I am thoroughly enjoying Craig's predicament. It's fun to watch him get flustered, It's fun to give him dating advice when he acts like a lovestruck dweeb. (More on this in a future post.) We've all been captured by the promise of new love. We've all been there and done that.

Basically, my advice to Craig is: enjoy it! Enjoy that delicious feeling of not being in total control. Get out of your "male brain" and go with the flow. Love is a ride down a rushing river. At this stage, just enjoy the ride!

Where Are All the Good Men/Women?

2011-03-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard this: "Where are all the good men (women)?" The answer is simple: everywhere.

One of the best pieces of dating advice I ever received was that I should go out and do what I like to do. I would meet a wonderful woman who was doing the same thing, and we would have at least one thing in common. This works, based upon the personal experiences of many friends.

That's not exactly the way it worked for me. I went down the cyber pathway. I joined an online dating site. Yep, I met my fiancee on match.com.

According to a 2006 report by the Pew Research Center, 26% of Americans know someone who has found a date online. Today's figure is probably quite a bit higher.

There are now more than 800 dating web sites from which to choose. Match.com is probably the best known, because that's the site that started it all. But Yahoo Personals actually has more participants. You can join Beliefnet.com, SoulMatch.com, WealthyMen.com, blacksingles.com, christianmingle.com, jdate.com (for Jewish singles), cougarwomen.net, starmatch.com (I'm a Libra!), and hundreds more. At any moment there will be BowlingSingles.com and LeftHandedPingPongSingles.com.

My point is simply this: there is not shortage of ways to meet someone. Just make up your mind that you are going to meet the perfect person for you, and get out there (either literally or online). Don't be one of those people whose relationship is with the excuse that the right person isn't out there.

End of my sermon. What do you think?

Save as Draft book review

2011-03-02T14:44:00.000-08:00

I recently received a review copy of Save as Draft, a delightful new novel by Cavanaugh Lee that traces the thoroughly modern dating and relationship life of Izabell, a wactress (waitress/actress) turned lawyer. The “hook” of this book is that it is comprised entirely of the texts, emails and tweets that Izabell and her friends send and receive.

The story begins with the eHarmony messages that Izabell receives about Martin (her “Match #6”) and Martin receives about Izabell (his “Match #137”). Alas, their promising romance will not immediately blossom, primarily because of Izabell’s growing fascination with her co-worker, Peter.

The telling of this story through emails and texts is both brilliant and frustrating. We all know that emails (and especially texts) have their pitfalls. Sure, they are instantaneous, but they lack the voice inflections of telephone calls and the context-rich nonverbal cues of face-to-face conversations. Because of this, Save as Draft is chatty and superficial. The characters hope, dream and fall in and out of love, but we (the readers) only get glimpses of their internal agonies and ecstasies.

The brilliance of the novel is in the emails that the characters write to each other but do not send. (These are “saved as draft,” which is where the title of the book is derived.) These unsent emails are the heartfelt communications that the characters SHOULD be sending. When Peter is falling for Izabell, he writes several “I love you” emails that he never sends. I wanted to slap him upside the head. Send the damn emails, you weenie! You’re not going to get the girl if she doesn’t know how you feel about her!

Save as Draft is a witty, well-written novel that provides valuable insight to the joys and pitfalls of dating in the internet age. It also serves as a warning for those of us who might rely too heavily on electronic forms of communication. In the humble opinion of this Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, texts and emails are best used as bridges between actual conversations. It’s too easy to misinterpret the sterile words on a computer screen or smart phone. That’s why emoticons and text shorthand (lol, omg) were developed to add meaning and emotion to cold, typed words.

I happen to be a big fan of technology. I am, after all, posting this on a blog—and I met my fiancée on match.com. I have first-hand knowledge of the value of using technology in dating and communicating. But when I have something important to say to my beloved, I want to gaze right into her beautiful eyes.

The Myth of the Noncommittal Male

2011-02-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

Answer this question: are men or women less likely to commit to a long-term relationship?

You said men, didn't you?

That's the prevailing wisdom, but that's not necessarily correct. According to what TIME magazine calls "the biggest study of single people, ever," single men are just as likely to want to get married as single women.

Shocking, huh?

Not if you understand men. Yes, sometimes they can be flakey, elusive and hard to pin down. But once a man falls for a woman, he REALLY falls. And that's when a man is MORE LIKELY to want to commit to a long-term relationship than a woman.

The aforementioned study surveyed 5,200 people ages 21 to 65+ to find out why people commit to marriage-- and why they don't. The study was funded by match.com and carried out by independent researchers. The findings showed that men were more likely to want to get married when they were younger (in the 21-24 years-old range) and when they were older (about 55 to 65). In between, women were more likely to say they wanted to get married. But throughout the entire 21-65 years curve, the difference between men's and women's desires for marriage weren't all that different.

Other interesting info from this study:

-- More than half the single men ages 21 to 35 wanted kids, while only 46% of women did.

-- Women seem to value their independence more than men. For example, 66% of women in a relationship have their own bank account, while only 47% of men do.

-- Women are pickier about whom they date than men are. 83% of men are flexible about the religious beliefs of their dates, while 62% of women are.

Is the 21 century really a brave new world for dating and commitments? Perhaps. Our post-modern society has given women lots of options besides marriage. Many women are opting for the career life rather than the "mom and wife" life. And there's nothing wrong with either choice.

So ladies, if you think that men are all a bunch of jerks who run away from any sign of a long-term committed relationship, please think again. Don't paint us all with the same brush. Some of us are just fine with making commitments-- including saying goodbye to dating and "I do" to marriage.

Dating Success Story!

2011-02-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

Good news, fellow daters. I am now a dating success story. My wonderful girlfriend (who I met on match.com) has agreed to marry me! So you can now call me a dating success story.

Consequently, I am now going to change the focus of this blog. I am going to share some insights on the dating process. I am going to share what worked for me--and what has worked for others. I am going to explore the adventure of middle-aged dating from the perspective of how to succeed.

My goal in dating (online or otherwise) was always to find the love of my life. I assume that your goal is also to find the love of your life. So feel free to ask questions. Feel free to make comments. I will try to pass along my dating wisdom, my relationship advice, and whatever words of encouragement that I can provide. Not that I know everything. But I have learned a few things about male-female relationships, and I'm a very good listener.

Remember always that life is an adventure. There is humor to be found throughout our adventures. Just keep your eyes open, your heart open, and look for the best in people. If you look for love, you will find it.

A Middle-Aged Babe Magnet Apology

2010-02-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

I have been informed by a woman whose opinion I value greatly that my last post sucked. She said it was crass and an insult to women. She was offended by it.

OK. I have my Big Boy Boxers on and I can take a little criticism. I freely admit that the last post was deliberately over the top. I went over the line in an attempt to be funny. I included material that wasn’t true because it was meant as a joke. As I have learned over the years, funny is often in the eyes of the beholder.

Sometimes it comes back to bite you in the butt. Like now.

This is, by the way, why I would never make it as a politician. It wouldn’t take long for me to put my foot in my mouth and cause a scandal of global proportions.

So let’s take a moment to review the last post. The part about me receiving an email from eHarmony? It was a total fabrication. I repeated the text of a forwarded email that I received. I thought it was funny, in a crass, over-the-top, juvenile male way.

Women do not share this sense of humor. Consequently, I won’t be including any more of it in this blog.

Men, if you want to read sexually explicit jokes, you’re just going to have to go somewhere else. Sorry.

I was also “called on the carpet” for suggesting that online dating was for losers. (Actually, I quoted a female friend who told me that SHE THOUGHT online dating was for losers.)

Well, I don’t agree with her. As I said earlier, if she’s right then I’M A LOSER, TOO. She is entitled to her opinion, but I happen to think that online dating is a wonderful resource. What a great way to quickly peruse profiles of dozens of local single people in your local area. When used intelligently, online dating sites are a great way to get to know people you might not otherwise ever meet. Online dating is fabulous invention, and I have used it successfully myself.

And, no, I do not really think that women who use online dating sites are “loose.” That was also an attempt at a joke.

So, ladies, please do not be any more offended than you need to be. I meant it all in fun. I know that dating is tough enough without having to deal with male a-holes, but sometimes we (including me) just can’t help ourselves.

Hey, did you hear the one about the priest and the blind prostitute?

Oh, wait. Nevermind.

Going for that first kiss

2010-01-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

A middle-aged friend of mine named Roscoe has been out with a woman twice. He hasn't kissed her yet, and he asked me for some advice.

It's kind of funny that middle-aged people would have any questions at all about kissing. We've been kissing our whole lives. Ah, but that first kiss with somone new. It's still an exciting moment-- I don't care how old you are.

So Roscoe asked me, should he ask her permission to kiss her, or should he just go ahead and move in for that first kiss when the time is right. It's a good question.

Most of the women I've talked to about this have said something like this: "I like it when a man makes the move. He doesn't need to ask me for permission. When I am ready for him to kiss me, I am giving him permission with my body language and my eyes. He should know it's time to move in for the kiss."

Plus, there is something romantic about a man taking the initiative that women like. Sure, we're all uber-enlightened and liberated in the gender-equal 21st century. But many of our dating rituals are just plain old-fashioned-- and men and women both seem to like it that way.

My advice to Roscoe was, "Watch for the signals. Let your body language communicate your interest, and when you get the same signals from her, go ahead and kiss her.

Hey, does anyone out there have a great "first kiss" story?

What Do Women Want?

2009-10-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to ask two attractive middle-aged women what they want in a man. What is it that they are looking for?

Instead of telling me that they want good looks or financial stability, they said they were attracted to a man with confidence.

That's right, confidence.

Confidence turns them on. They love it when a man is confident enough to approach them in a restaurant or a bar or standing in line at Starbucks. They love it when a man has the confidence to say "hi" and strike up a conversation.

No rehearsed "pick-up" lines. No over-the-top arrogance. Just good old-fashioned confidence in being the kind of man that a woman would want to talk to.

Maybe that can explain why gorgeous women are sometimes seen with not-so-gorgeous men. It's the confidence, baby.

2009-08-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the Middle-Aged Babe Magnet gets emails. Here's a recent one:

Dear Love Doctor:

There's that old sage about "third date sex." What do you think of
that? I know you were talking about being puzzled because you were on, like,
a 5th date and you hadn't had sex yet.

And (okay, I blush here, but I really do wanna know) but is it weird for
grownups to make out and with some pleasant groping and perhaps bare some
flesh on the second date or so and NOT go all the way? Or is it like college
and okay--you wanna do as much as possible but aren't ready to commit to sex
yet?

You seem to be the one sane straight male who I'm not dating that I can talk
to about this.

Sign me--

Wondering About Grown-up Sex in Nebraska

Dear Wondering About Sex:

Of course you're wondering about sex in Nebraska, since the average Nebraskan only has sex three times a year-- birthday, Valentine's Day and "Honey Got a Little Tipsy Day" (which is a random day that changes every year).

Bada-boom!

I used to think third-date sex was pretty standard for liberal, open-minded adults. Now I don't think there is a standard. It's all over the map.

I met somebody in a bar two weeks ago and went home with her that night. On the other hand, I just had date #8 (I think, maybe it was 7) with a Middle-Aged Babe I will call Marie-- and no sex. There isn't any rule. It seems to be different for everyone.

I can tell you from personal experience that some women seem to want to work up to sex. Date 2 might be passionate kissing. Date 3 might be passionate kissing and heavy above-the-waist fondling (sometimes with above-the-waist clothing removed). Date 4 might be below-the-belt fondling and playing. Date 5 might be naked intercourse (hooray!). There is nothing wrong with working up to The Big One. In fact, it can be fun. The anticipation can be delicious.

I hope that answers your questions. If not, please as a more specific follow-up question and The Love Doctor/Middle-Aged Babe Magnet will be happy to answer it.

Happy dating!

I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti

2009-05-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

A woman named Giulia Melucci has a new book out called I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti. It’s a memoir about her dating life, but the hook is it also has recipes of some of the dishes that she has cooked for the men in her life.

I am very jealous of Ms. Melucci because not only did she get her book published by a big-time publishing company, she has already gotten stories about her book (and her life) in USA Today and the New York Times. It turns out that Giulia has also worked in publishing and has done p.r. for authors, so she’s very well connected.

I read the first few pages of her book on amazon.com, and then I Googled her and found her address in Brooklyn. So, more for a lark than anything, I wrote her a postcard:

Giulia—

I love your book and I love your sense of humor! I will fly across the country if you will cook a pasta dinner for me. I’ll bring a great bottle of red wine. Check your schedule and let me know what works for you! -- RDS (and my email address)

Will she respond? Well, I would. If she doesn’t email me back, I have her home phone number. I may have to call her!

Three Strikes and She's Out

2009-04-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

I have been seeing a woman named Michele, and I thought things were going well. But she has not responded to two text messages I sent her on Monday, nor has she returned my phone call from last night.

I wrote to my friend Ms. V. to get her opinion on Michele’s unresponsiveness. This was her comment:

"Re Michele: Not returning calls and text messages, as you know, is very bad. (Not to mention really rude.) It’s more commonly found in men, don’t you think, than women, who usually have a much higher level of “connectivity?” If it were me (and it HAS been me! ;-) ), I would just write her off. If she doesn’t have the common decency to even shoot you a quick email apologizing for being swamped, forget about her. Wasted effort. She doesn’t deserve you, by golly!"

Shit. Deep in my heart I already knew that. But I REALLY LIKE Michele. I was hoping she would be somebody special. But her rudeness/insensitivity/lack of common courtesy is not acceptable. It’s time to write her off.

In fact, Michele is behaving like a man. After the initial attraction, she has reached the “is he/she really what I’m looking for” point of the dating relationship, and she has pulled back. She has gone incommunicado, and there’s no way for me to know why.

Oh, cruel, cruel fate! Oh woe is me! What have I done to deserve this? Of all the injustices served up by a heartless world, can there be anything more painful? This is the cruelest form of Instant Karma imaginable. Michele was going to be THE ONE! I was willing to put aside all other dates and focus all of my attentions on her. She was going to be the object of my affections, the recipient of all of my passions. I had already begun to construct the pedestal that she would stand upon when I worshipped her. And then she DOES THIS TO ME!

Yes, she is behaving like a man and I am reacting like a woman. But WHAT ELSE am I to do? She does not know the pain she is inflicting upon me. She does not know that I think of her dozens of times a day. I pick up my cell phone every 15 minutes to see if I have somehow missed her call, even though I have been staring at the phone the entire time.

Michele and I went out on five dates together. Count ‘em, FIVE. That’s enough time spent together to know that we were growing closer. Weren’t we behaving like a COUPLE on our last date? Didn’t she grab me by the hand and lead me through a crowded club for all the world to see that we were TOGETHER? Didn’t she snuggled up to me and kiss me and tell me she had a great time?

Then what, in God’s name happened?

I must call all of my female friends and spend hours on the phone rehashing every single moment and getting their fervent input. We must talk about every detail of our five dates. All of the time she spent gazing into my eyes as I regaled her with stories of adventures and humorous anecdotes.

We laughed, we ate fine food, we drank fine wine, we held hands, we kissed playfully and passionately. WHAT WENT WRONG?

Perhaps I should drive over to her house and knock on her door and find out what’s going on. No, I don’t want to appear too needy. That’s a definite turn-off. So maybe I should park my car down the street from her house and just watch when she comes and goes. It wouldn’t be spying, really. I just want to make sure that she’s all right. Maybe she’s sick. Maybe she’s slipped on the wet bathroom floor and hit her head and she’s unable to reach her phone to return calls or send text messages.

OK, my rule has always been three strikes and you’re out. I make three attempts to contact a woman, and if I don’t hear from her, I move on. But shouldn’t I make an exception for someone that I really like? Instead of three strikes and she’s out, maybe if I give her four balls before I take a walk? What about that? That would mean that I could call her one more time.

No. NO NO NO NO NO! Don’t be a goddam weenie. Suck it up and move on.

Babe Magnet Rule #17:
When a woman dumps you, get over it and find your balls. You’re going to need them someday.

Dating and Kids

2009-03-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

I just got back from the weirdest date. I went out with two females—K. and her 11-year-old daughter.

The plan was for us to go for a picnic dinner and then go for a nature hike. The weather didn’t cooperate, though. The windy spring season has begun, so we opted to eat outside at the table in K.’s backyard. We ate cold salmon, soy bean salad, picked beets (yuck) and a few other things for dinner. We ate off paper plates, holding the plates down so they wouldn’t blow away in the wind.

K.'s daughter, being an attention-starved tween, kept jumping on the trampoline in the backyard while K. and I were trying to eat and talk. Having an 11-year-old along on a date makes for a very different dynamic, let me tell you.

K. and I retreated into the house to get out of the wind. She sat down on a chair in the living room, leaving me to sit across from her on the couch. We talked, but mostly about her daughter and her ex, who is behind on his child support. Not exactly romantic date conversation.

It became very clear to me that K. wants a male presence in her life—but largely for her daughter's benefit. (And to give K. a break from the 24/7 job of being a parent.) Already K. is sizing me up as a potential stepfather.

One of the things I enjoy about mid-life dating is the sexual tension of “are we going to kiss on this date?” and “how far will she let me go tonight before she offers resistance?”

With K., there has been none of that delicious tension. We haven’t had a romantic date, so we haven’t had the opportunities to touch each other tentatively to see how comfortable we are. There have only been hugs of greeting and goodbye.

Tonight I felt like I was on an extended job interview. Maybe that’s what all dates are, but in this case I didn’t have to impress just one woman, I had to impress her daughter, too. I’m a great dad to my own (now grown-up) kids, so I know how to along with children. But I resented having to pass the “dad” test before I even know if there is any chemistry between me and K.

After tonight, a single woman without children looks very good to me, indeed.

How about you? What's your experience with dating and kids?

Hello, and Welcome to My Life

2009-03-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Here I am, middle-aged and single. Sound familiar? It should.

According to the US Census Bureau (2007), there are more than 15 million divorced Americans between the ages of 40 and 64. Add those who are separated and those who never married, and there are more than 27 million single men and women in their middle years.

To put that into perspective, 27 million people is more than the populations of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska and Nevada—combined.
That’s a lot of single old farts.

When I got married at the relatively tender age of 24, I assumed that I’d be married for the rest of my life. But like so many baby boomers, I did not choose to stay married to the same spouse. In my case, it was me who wanted out of the marriage.

So, after a quarter century of being a husband, I suddenly found myself single again. I was totally lost. Even if I had remembered how to be a single man, I was now nearly 30 years older and the world had completely changed.

As a newly single middle-aged man in the 21st century, I was faced with bizarre new terms like “match.com” and “speed dating.” I had to figure out what I was supposed to do on a Saturday night. I had to learn the rules of dating. Had they changed? Did men still ask women out? Was it now OK for women to call men? When was it acceptable to kiss a woman and not risk a sexual harassment lawsuit? Would I ever get laid again?

Without giving too much of the story away, suffice it to say that, yes, I got laid again. In fact, I learned how to make new friends and engage strangers in playful conversation. I gave myself permission to try new things. I took dancing lessons. I bought a mountain bike. I joined a support group and met wonderful men who became my friends. I sought out opportunities to meet wonderful women, and some of them became my lovers. In the process, I learned a lot about myself and what I really wanted for the rest of my life.

I still believe that it is never too late to start again and it’s never too late to meet your soul mate. And along the way, you can have a really good time.

Lest you think that I was able to reinvent my life and find happiness because I am somehow special or fantastically handsome, let me describe myself. Trust me, no woman ever mistook me for Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan.

My hair has thinned in some places and vanished in others due to the dreaded curse of Male Pattern Baldness. Consequently, I have given up on having hair at all and shaved my head in resignation. Given the choice of little hair, fake hair or no hair, I have decided to proudly follow in the footsteps of other courageous bald men and flaunt it.

You know the old saying, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade? Well, my head looks like a giant lemon and I’m proud of it. I don’t own a comb or a blow dryer. When the wind gusts and everyone else’s hair goes ballistic, I make a joke and say how much I hate it when that happens (while trying to fix my imaginary hair). Lemonade, baby.

I stand six feet tall on size 12 feet, and I tip the scale at 185 pounds. I am vain enough to consider myself handsome, but realistic enough to know that I have never had the striking good looks that turn a woman’s head when I walk into a room.

My nose is too big and my chin is too small, but I strive to make up for that with a frequent smile, a positive attitude and a friendly demeanor.

I enjoy good health and I take care of my body. I eat sensibly well, but I also indulge in desserts and alcoholic beverages when so inclined. I dress in nice, conventional clothes, most of which I bought on sale. (I mean, really, why would anyone pay full retail price? That’s just dumb.) I live alone in my own heavily mortgaged house and drive a seven-year-old BMW sedan that I bought used earlier this year.

In a room full of people I do not stand out because of my looks, my behavior or my attire. I am, in virtually every way, an unexceptional middle-class, middle-aged divorced American man.
And yet, somehow, I have become a Babe Magnet.

This blog will follow my unfolding story. And I would love to hear your ongoing stories, too.